Sometimes you’re the last guy to the shindig. Sober while everyone’s not, trying to crack topical jokes that stopped being funny some time ago. I know this role very well, gentle reader, very well indeed. Some socialites might argue that I have made a veritable career out of this process, that I take the Borat “very nice, I like” and “not” jokes well past their expiry, or that I’m trying to keep the “wasssssaaaaaaaap” phenomenon alive. It’s the curse of the fella who thinks himself more amusing than he likely is. Which brings me to the trade deadline: of course it falls on a thursday, so I have to wait a week to talk about the busiest deadline ever, right about the time that the trades are receding in every fantasy GM’s mind. Well, prepare yourself for all the trendy topics to be kickstarted once again, fella. I’m giving you the fantasy equivalent of clear pepsi, delivered in some zoomba pants while dancing the macarena, because I am not letting this one go, people. On the plus side, maybe the week will give some perspective on how cats are fitting in, in their new environments. Very likely not, but we can always hope, can’t we? So without further ado…Please, blog, may I have some more?
So ya know, sometimes it’s good to be late to the party. Ya get to seem like you had a lot of more important shizz to do, if it’s lame it won’t matter as much if you dipset early… If only that principle worked in fantasy analysis!
After a fantastic weekend, the buzz to go and grab Terrence Jones was like a hot party right in its peak. “New York’s hottest new club is JELLY BONES! Located on the Lower Upper Side, this random home invasion is the creation of legally drunk clothing designer Nick Nolte and Gabana. As you walk in, you’ll be handed a glass of champagne – or is it piss?” With the Rockets hesitancy to stretch him out, adding Josh Smith back in the day, and the return of Dwight Howard at some point, I was like, “F that shizz, sounds like a lame sausage party!” But Houston put TJones in the starting line-up last night, and he went straight Nolte for 15/15/0/1/2 making 6-9 FG. He’s kinda looked like what the optimistic Kenneth Faried backers were hoping for! Plus he can hit threes! Now a must-own in all leagues, and I certainly would be dropping Manimal for him. That said, when Dwight is back, it might not be as rockin’ as JELLY BONES at midnight. It could be another month before Dwight is out there though, so TJones my Jelly Bones! Here’s what else went down last night in fantasy NBA action:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Geez, open the triage, we might not have any beds open in our Fantasy Basketball Infirmary after this weekend! Way to sully the excitement of players debuting on new teams…
I guess an injury that made a lot of people surly is a year with no more Sully. Stress reactions have been claiming lots of games lately, and Jared Sullinger will be shut down for the year with lingering issues in his foot. I blame Brad Stevens! Gives me stress reactions…
The Celtics have been anything but consistent with rotations, but Kelly Olynyk should be primed for a little consistency whence he’s back from his kankle. Right now it’s Tyler Zeller manning the 5 with Brandon Bass at the 4, and those three should split most of the big man minutes. Zeller’s nice %s with the big man stats can be usable on a lot of teams and Bass, who went 15/5/1/0/2 on 7-11 FG in 40 minutes last night always seems to be underrated. Olynyk of Nazareth is the guy to own, but he’s not miles ahead of the other two. I wouldn’t mind a spec add for any of the bunch, but not dropping anyone of too much value. Here’s what else went down over an injury-plagued weekend of fantasy basketball action:Please, blog, may I have some more?
[We’ve got the Trade Deadline Podcast up! Slim and I react to all this hooblah as this post continues to be updated – you can find the Pod the post below this one as well as that link.]
The Trade Deadline is nigh, which is to say, soon. Can I trade the start of this open with a different one…? “Did you hear the one about how the Hawks got nothing for the broke ass of Josh Smith last trade deadline?!” Imagine the Hawks with a lottery pick as well… I guess as fortune-tellers, they knew they didn’t need anything for Smoove!
The 2015 NBA Trade Deadline will pass at 3:00 PM EST, and up until the closing moments, I’ll be updating this post as each trade moves across my virtual news desk. Fantasy spins galore! That’s the younger sister of Pussy Galore… So be sure to constantly ping that refresh like Goldfinger on Kitco! Here’s what’s gone down so far:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Basketball is back baby! The NBA season returns from the All-Star Break tonight after four-and-a-half months off… Maybe hyperbolic, but certainly feels that way!
And right as games start, we’ve got the NBA Trade Deadline passing this afternoon at 3:00 PM EST. That was fast! We’ve got a big day of trade analysis, with a live post that will go up around 1:00 PM-ish EST and get frequently updated to track all of the last-minute trades as they go down, then a slightly later podcast record time with our special edition Trade Deadline Razzball Basketball Podcast up sometime around 4:00-4:30 PM EST. It’s all hoops all afternoon!
With these big changes about to ripple through the fantasy hoops landscape, the biggest news from over the break is probably the most anti-climatic – Carmelo Anthony has been officially shutdown. “3P0 – Shut down all the garbage smashers on the detention level!” “No! Shut them ALL down, hurry!” Pretty apt to The Poppycockers shituation, amiright?! We’ve known Melo was about to be Melba Toast sometime around the break, and now the swift gavel of realism has hit (huh? weird metaphor day! I’m rusty OK?!). Langston Galloway, who has probably been picked up in most leagues (and subsequently dropped in some after struggling) should likely be scooped up. He’s not going to do anything too special, but his career-high in shots (19) was in a Melo-less game and should give you some low-TO guard stats. Tim Hardaway Jr. also gets a bit of a boost, but he does absolutely nothing beyond score and trey. Would be a nice, high-minute ThrAGNOF! But those ain’t got no face… So I’m not married to Timmy J at all even if he starts hot with Melo now gone. Here’s what else has gone down since we left for the break:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Well Ello there, Poppet! Bootstraps Bill Turner pulled a scoop and squat shot with under a second left to pull off the upset of the century…. It’s only been 15 years this century, it could be true!
Evan Turner put together a solid 12/7/9/1/0 line hitting 4-11 from the field and all 4 freebies with only 2 TO. Ending the first half on a high note! The move back to his more natural SF spot is finally paying off, as he’s averaging at least 6/6/6 (THE NUMBER OF THE BEAST!) the past 4 games. The FG% is terrible, but I guess I have to believe a little in the out-of-position dimes. The greatest trick Miss Turner ever played was convincing me he wasn’t fantasy usable! Well, he still isn’t ever going to be a stalwart on 10 or 12 team squads due to the low %s, TOs, and absence of 3s, but a lot of teams could use his popcorn stats for their build. He’s like Lance Stephenson, but actually worth owning! At least for now, if he sticks with Boston until the end of the year… Here’s what else went down in our last busy slate of NBA games before the All-Star Break:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Ugh. I’ve said numerous times I hate when injuries prove any calls right or wrong, but my BJ tooting horn, ya know – the one that says sell high – isn’t looking bad anymore.
If you missed it over the weekend, Brandon Jennings tore his Achilles and is out for the season. And this isn’t one of those LaMarcus Aldridge thingies where he can just decide not to have surgery and keep playing. Let’s hope Aldridge didn’t inject some sort of juice in that thumb! ADHD alert, JB! More on L.A. later… So with BJ done, the Pistons only have to change one letter and put in the D.J.! D.J. Augustin is an obvious must-own in all leagues, and while I’ve been one of the hardest “Wahhhhhhhh! I’m Jarrett Jack!” pushers, Augustin vaulted him right away, even before last night. Tore up the Craptors for 18 points in the first half in a redonkulous 35/4/8 line with 5 treys. D.J.s no longer welcome in Canada! Wedding costs are going to be out of hand… No more Jazzy Jeff! “Who got maple syrup all over the turntable, eh?!” If you’re reading this and there’s still a D.J. on your wire, as The Crystal Method would say, “NOW IS THE TIME!” Here’s what else went down over the crazy weekend of fantasy basketball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Last year, I think Jonas Valanciunas might have won the “most annoying player for JB” award. Eh, Jeff Green was up there too… But we’ve got a clear front-runner for 14-15!
If you had money on Brandon Jennings racking up the first double dimebag of the season, then all praise be onto you! Great game against the Magic, as he gashed their “defense” for a 24/0/21/0/0 line. Pretty empty to me, only two cats in there! First 20-assist game this season, doubling up the dimebags and making BJ’s value as high as Katt Williams. You’re probably looking like this as a Jennings owner right now! He’s only the 4th guy to put up a 20/20 game since 2000, and I guess all my sell Jennings high hooblah is looking a little dumb now… I still think if you can get one of the higher-tier guys like a Jeff Teague you have to do it, but otherwise I guess it’s a strong hold and ride the wave. Upside of two dimebags on any given night?! That’s a friend you need to keep for life! Here’s what else went down last night in fantasy basketball action:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yesterday afternoon was a frenzy! A frenzy because no Mozzy! About as crazy as I was last Saturday about Fozzy! Go Panthers!
Our prayers have been answered with Timofey Mozgov getting shipped out to Cleveland for two first round picks. Two first-rounders?! For Healthcare.Mozgov?! Well, they’re like controlled picks from Memphis in some sort of hooblah where all that matters is they’re not going to be very high. Not as high as say, Afroman! Or 16th! That’s where Jusuf Nurkic went in the first round this Summer, originally picked by the Bulls then traded. Good thing for Nurkic! It originally seemed really muddied there in Denver at C, but JaVale McGee just can’t get healthy, and Mozgov couldn’t go 3 minutes before getting multiple fouls. So out ya go TinaFey, and huge role ahead for Nurkic! At least 35 minutes every night given how good he’s been! Andddddddd, only 22 minutes for 8/4/3/1/2 last night. Still respectable numbers though! Given one of his made FGs was this. To quote my favorite sound from 90s gaming, “Oopsie!” Or whatever he really says… Anyway, J.J. Hickson is still there to give us a headache, as he went 11/10/1/2/1 in 30 solid minutes. Yikes. I still love me some Nurkic, and to the patient man goes the spoils! Something like that… Kinda lost in all of this yesterday was Hickson’s deep league value shooting up. He’s not a terrible player for some Pts/Reb relief in a very poor man’s Zach Randolph kinda way now that minutes should be coming. While many owners are mad they didn’t scoop Nurkic up quick enough, shoot out some buy lows with who you would’ve dropped, and maybe last night’s dud is enough to sneak Jamba Jus into your Mini-mall. That sounds so wrong… Here’s what else went down on a busy night of NBA action:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Who says NBA is an indoor sport?! Roll out the tarp!
During a rainy night in Brooklyn, all the sudden the ballboys were throwing towels on this spot on the court as somewhere in the rafters was a pretty steady leak. I looked away from the game for a minute then looked back, and I thought at first they were cleaning up a massive bleeding injury! At least that wasn’t the case… Ended up being about half an hour rain delay, complete with maintenance rolling out a trash can to collect the water. It’s like Kap said when we were chattin’ last night – just like his high school gym! The Nets arena leaking with the tears of Nets fans…
While Brooklynites had to watch a short-handed Heat team beat them at home, there’s at least some fantasy goodness to be had from some flashy younguns. Professor Plumlee! Young professors I bet would make a killing with college chicks… Anyway, Mason Plumlee for 21/9/1/1/1 last night, shooting 8-12 FG and leading the Nets in scoring. Sure the Heat front line is a bunch of dudes you’ve never heard of and an over-the-chicken coup Birdman, but good to see him hitting on his potential as the starter, finally. There’s still some blemishes – 4 TO and a surprisingly good-for-Plumlee but bad-for-real-life 5-8 FT (stop it with the hyphen phrases!), but if you can handle the FT drain or already have a FT-punting (dammit!) team, he’s a perfect fit. I think he’s as close to a must-own in all leagues while Brook Lopez is out, but many teams don’t have a streamer spot and/or can’t handle the bad FT%. Brolo is getting reevaluated Saturday, meaning he’s out at least three more. So while the Nets are leaking talent, don’t let Plumlee leak through your waiver wire. Here’s how the rest of the NBA big news shook out:Please, blog, may I have some more?