Upon occasion – especially while watching the Wizards – I think to myself, “Self? You could do better than these guys, right? Sure, you’re not as tall as most of these guys and you have trouble going to your left, you tend to get wheezy after just a couple laps up the court, your sweat makes people not want to talk to you, you choke on the gum you’re chewing 3/4 of the possessions, and your on-court communication consists mostly of reciting lines from ‘White Men Can’t Jump,’ but still, the Wizards are awful.” Now I know you think it’s weird that I address myself as Self, but if I didn’t do that how would I know who I’m talking to?Please, blog, may I have some more?
It was fairly obvious to everybody that Darren Collison was the best player involved in the four-team trade that sent him to Indiana last summer. Trevor Ariza was absolutely awful for the Hornets, Courtney Lee wasn’t much better and I can’t recall Troy Murphy making an impact play also season long.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Okay, so you saw GrizzMaster Gay shoot a pair of free throws, clutch his shoulder and leave the game for good on Tuesday. You went to bed worried that your team’s second-best player was done for the year. You dreamed about it.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Atlanta Hawks, record-wise, are winners. They’re 12-7 so far this season. But, really, there isn’t a bigger batch of losers with winning records out there. They rely on Mike Bibby to give ‘em 29 minutes per game. Marvin Williams still hasn’t turned into the dynamic swingman they hoped for … yet still starts for Atlanta.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Heat GM Pat Riley was undoubtedly pursuing Erick Dampier ever since it was apparent than Joel Anthony was going to spend the season getting tossed around by the opposition like the losing rooster in a cock fight. I mean, this old man has been wooed harder than the 70-year-old billionaires with profiles on eHarmony.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Old men should also ‘go Wes.’ Or young women. Or old women. Just kidding. Old women don’t want anything to do with fantasy sports. But the point is that anyone who does do fantasy basketball should have already grabbed Wes Matthews after his game-winning 30-point, .579-shooting night.Please, blog, may I have some more?
D.J. Augustin – Saint Augustin is averaging a heavenly 17/3/5.5 for the Cats after three games. What’s the difference between his start this season and the promising average of his rookie year? Is that rhetorical? No. Why would it be rhetorical?Please, blog, may I have some more?
In a shocking turn of events, Larry Bird and the Pacers made a deal that not only helped the team but also involved ridding themselves of a white guy to do it. A white guy! Like convincing a hipster his music is unlistenable – it never happens.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Tracy McGrady Will be a Piston for either a year or until his legs detach from his body and Tayshaun Prince clubs him over the head with them. What? The Celtics ran out of room on their roster for old all-stars with Irish-sounding names?Please, blog, may I have some more?
Shaquille O’Neal officially signed with the Celtics and forced the slightly younger 2003-version of you to blow a gasket at the prospect of Garnett, Allen, Pierce and both O’Neals playing on the same floor. Never mind their age, has a group of black guys ever had a more Irish-appropriate set of names than the guys I just mentioned?Please, blog, may I have some more?