The period of free agency continues to shape the fantasy basketball-scape with fresh meat on terrible teams and players signing with contenders to be relegated to bench duty. With baseball in full swing and the NFL getting half of the ESPN air time no matter what time of year it is, a lot of NBA moves have been made under the radar. Look for every division to get a team-by-team breakdown and some early fantasy thoughts on the new faces in new places:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Razzball Nation! Sorry it has been a slight break from me, but it’s been a wild summer. If I weren’t out of town drinking daiquiris on the beach trying to grow my mustache out and know absolutely nothing about any sport besides baseball, then my summer would’ve felt incomplete…
But I’m back now, back into everything Razzball, and ready to talk some NBA rookies. I know I’m a little behind the draft, but hey, we’ve got a little time before we see these guys in real NBA action. Not that Kelly Olynyk playing in solid color warmups in a gym that looks like one Nikola Pekovic used to play in the Siberian Leagues isn’t entertaining, but c’mon. Let’s get these summer guys playing somewhere nice!Please, blog, may I have some more?
Bonjour all, tis I, Tehol Beddict, and I come back to you a new man. A better man. I’m sure many of you sent in hand written letters, filled with panic and despair over my abrupt disappearance , and your fears were justified as my journey almost turned perilous on multiple occasions. Trust that I knew the job was dangerous when I took it, for mankini modeling can turn deadly at any given moment as many a she-male lurk on the stunningly beautiful island that’s known as Bora Bora.
Before my tale involving the treacherous she-males occurred I spent my time off camera helping induce pregnant dolphins into labor, rescuing sea turtles from fish nets, thatching roofs destroyed by a recent hurricane, trying to impregnate a village chief’s daughter and digging a well for the thirsty locals. Yes, Tehol Beddict is a philanthropist as well as being a scholar, poet, mankini model, and a writer. It’s true I wear many hats, but among those is never a jimmy, luckily for the Chieftan’s daughter, who I can now proudly say is expecting come winter.
When saving baby sea creatures one must be wary of the poisonous sea urchin as the only way to stop the pain is by peeing on the wound. Giving golden showers to tourists is now one of my greatest passions after this trip. I shall never forget the joy of easing a tourist’s pain by blasting his face with a powerful stream of urine. You must be precise in these matters and my aim stuck true. The locals worshipped me for these feats and told me they had only read about piss with such potency in tales about the Gods they worshipped thousands of years ago before they were overtaken by the pious French. But this is a tale for another day my friends for I did battle with some of the most powerful she-males of Bora Bora , nearly losing my life in the process, and that story takes precedence.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’ve never been that bothered by snakes. Now I never went out of my way to play with them or anything (except my own – bada bing!), but never ran the other way either except when I was in New Mexico when I was like 7. When I was working on my parents mountain house when I was in high school, there was a snake under the scrap heap I was clearing and I killed that little bitch with a shovel. If that doesn’t boost your testosterone, then I guess you need to contact Tony Bosch at Biogenesis. The resident snake of the NBA (in name only – easy Laker fans), Kobe Bryant, the Black Mamba himself, went down hard after twisting his ankle last night, and blames Dahntay Jones for intentionally crowding him. I thought snakes didn’t have ankles? Well, this injury after sliding into 8th place in the West just puts the icing on the cake of the Lakers ridiculous season. Right now the prognosis is “out indefinitely.” About all you can do is make your sacrifices to the fantasy gods and cross your fingers. One thing Kobe has going for him is that he is resilient to injury and can heal quickly. He’s kinda like the Derek Jeter of the NBA. And Jeter never had any ankle issues…. I could see Bryant back sooner rather than later, but stay tuned.
Here’s what else went down in fantasy basketball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I had the unfortunate pleasure (displeasure?) of watching the Knicks get pa-rumped by the Warriors last night 92 to 63. It was disturbing, almost laughably so. Kinda like The Wicker Man. Not the bees! If only the Warriors were women in bear suits. Sheesh get Stevie Nicks out there. With her current body type, she could probably box out Kurt Thomas. Fun fact: they’re both 64 years old as well. Carmelo Anthony returned from three games off with a sore knee to go 14 and 10 but 4-15. Maybe the knee needs more ice. J.R. Smith got ejected for a flagrant and went 3-11 for 9 points in his 21 minutes, so it’s not like his departure was a main factor of suckage. Kenyon Martin had a rough layup rip-check, Tyson Chandler couldn’t fend off David Lee for second chance points, and the Knicks shot 24.7% and 5-27 from 3 as a team. The Clippers are lob city, the Knicks last night were brick city. The Knicks will look to rebound Wednesday night against Carmelo’s former Nuggets, so I could see a nice bounce back from your NY fantasy options. But lawdy. Was a pretty nauseating performance from one of the NBA’s “better” teams.
Here’s what else happened last night in the fantasy basketball-o-sphere:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Martell Webster continues to light the east coast on fire from downtown, while much of the coast is being covered in snow. That Webster is so hot right now! Friday night, he scored 16 points, adding 4 rebounds, 2 assists, 3 steals and hit 3 shots from the arc.Please, blog, may I have some more?
With Jose Calderon coming to Detroit, there’s a question of who will lose out. The Pistons are already pretty guard heavy, so adding another quality guard makes sense. Despite Brandon Knight‘s 7/1/4 line, he has been doing extremely well and should continue to start.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Greetings readers! Any of you read or hear about Wes Welker’s wife bashing the F out of “Uncle” Ray Lewis on Facebook after her husband’s team was demolished by the Baltimore Ravens on Sunday? So what if he has 6 kids from 4 different girlfriends?Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’ve seen enough. Injury prone label be damned, Stephen Curry rises to the second tier of the point guard rankings. I’ve always loved the talent but that ankle injury is frightening (I drafted him in the 2nd round last year…sigh). Through 25 games this year Curry has stayed healthy and hasn’t missed a start.Please, blog, may I have some more?
In Kyrie Irving’s first game back from injury, he helped the Cavs beat the Lakers. Surprised? You shouldn’t be, because the Lakers stink right now. Now a confession… the headline was lying. Now are you surprised? Irving punished the Lakers going 28/6/11/1 with four 3PM and shooting 11-21 from the field.Please, blog, may I have some more?