Whoa, domino.

We’ve seen it time and again in this year of NBA action, which has looked more like an episode of “E.R.” wrapped inside a scene from “Grey’s Anatomy” inside Nurse Jackie’s scrubs than it has the FAN-tastic exhibition of athletic excellence constructed by now-ex-commish David Stern.

The injury domino effect has wreaked havoc everywhere in real life, wrecking players’ seasons, sending some teams into tank mode while helping other teams tank.

In the fantasy world, the impact of these boo-boos has been equally killer for some owners and the big ones don’t even need to be listed. You all know ’em.

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Deron Williams could sell Citizen Eco-Drive watches too!  “Be precise!  Be powerful!  And whatever you do, don’t in-bounds the ball on a terrible underthrown pass when you’re up a point with seconds to go!”  Just an awful way for the Nets to drop a game last night, as one of my favorite underrated guys right now Patrick Patterson stole Deron’s pass and buried a game-winner.  If only that was a fantasy category!  While you may have been suckered in thinking I’m gonna talk about Deron, Pit Pat is who I want to lead with, who ended with a 15/3/1/2/0 night, punctuated by that steal and dos points on that last play.  In 22 minutes he shot 6-11, hit a three, and is playing pretty well in limited time.  In only 23:12 a game thus far in 2014, 11/5.6/1.6/0.8/0.6 with a trey a night.  Dem fightin’ numbers!  Obviously was on the court in the critical juncture last night, and pulled a Richard Sherman defensive play.  Plus he played after breaking his nose Saturday!  Dem fightin’ numbers!  Only owned in 12% of Yahoo leagues, Pit Pat’s strong play should have him on the brink of high 20 minutes a game.  Not like he’s playing for the Bucks or anything!  Sure he’s behind Amir Johnson, but Amir was quiet last night in 30 minutes (8/6/1/0/1) and Tyler Hansbrough is still out with a psycho ankle.  If you step up in an opportunity, rewards shall be reaped!  Just don’t typo that last word without the first “e”.  Like I almost did!  Hashtag edetting.  Here’s what else I saw last night in NBA action:

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Ross can!  Rosssssss can!  Ross can get me the tickets!  Somebody call the Police, because Terrence Ross is on fire!  Or, ummm, do we call the Mounties?  I plain just don’t know…  But if anyone (aherm, me) had to feel the Sting of that 51-point outburst against them – out of so left field from Ross that it was out of the Pacific Ocean – then you’re certainly sending a message in a bottle to the fantasy gods asking “Whyyyyyy?!”  51/9/1/1/0 shooting 16-29 and hitting 10 Harvey’s Trays.  “What’s with the sit-com references today JB?!”  Yeah, no one will get that last one… Sit-coms are always fun, light, and don’t end on Sunday nights with me throwing things.  “Enough about you, JB!”  Damn, commenters are angry this morning!  DeMar DeRozan sprained his foot in that game, and while Ross was already hot, no DeRozan helped him get hotter.  “Hansel is so hot right now.”  DeRozan looks like he’ll miss at least a few games – already not traveling tonight – making Ross a must-own for this week and the immediate future.  The Raptors are all the sudden with 18 less shots a game (no, that’s not me throwing out an arbitrary number, that’s really DeRozan’s FGA a game!) so this is a great opportunity for Jonas Valaciunas as well to go on a solid run.  Will be an interesting game tonight at Brooklyn to see how the two younguns perform.  Here’s what else I saw over the weekend in NBA action:

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When you think of the Boston Celtics, you think about Larry Bird, Bill Russell, Red Auerbach, the Big Three of 2008, “now there’s a steal by Bird underneath to DJ he lays it in,” eight-straight titles, 17 overall, etc. Somewhere way down on the list, way way below Kevin McHale, John Havlicek, Reggie Lewis, and even Antoine Walker and Dominique Wilkins (yep, he led the C’s in scoring in 1994-1995), you think of Big Goofy White Guys.

Fred Roberts, Greg Kite, Brad Lohaus, Lou Tsioropoulos, Scott Wedman, Brian Scalabrine, Dwayne Schintzious, Mark Acres, Steve Kuberski … the list of useless big men of Caucasian descent who wore Celtic green is endless.

So while most of Boston cursed Danny Ainge for shipping Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce to Brooklyn for three number one picks and a pile of garbage that included Kris Humphries, the move made complete sense to me. Except for two inflated seasons for a worthless New Jersey Nets team, Humphries is the protypical big white man at the end of the bench that has become a symbol of Boston basketball pride.

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Well, Andrew Bynum is Mr. Glass too…  But the other way!  And he’s also Mr. Franchise Killer, as the Cavs had to suspend him just to get him to stay out of the stadium.  “Hey Andrew, leave the HurryCane at home today, we don’t wanna keep paying the stadium workers to put down the handicap ramps!”  Just saves money across the board.  Once Bynum gets waived, I think even Obama will be shaking his head at Bynum’s healthcare bills.  Anyway, the obvious benefactor to that whole mess is Anderson Varejao, who after his dominating 18/25 game last night has double-digit boards in 4 of the last 5.  Varejao was cleaning up the glass like he was the Unbreakable one!  The leading rebounder in the NBA last year before he got hurt (at a ridiculous 14.4 a game), Varejao should be a monster in 2014.  Although it does help when Nikola Vucevic is hurt and the starting center against you is Jason Maxiell.  Hell, I coulda had a double double against them last night!  And I don’t even have Jerry Curls!  Here’s what else I saw last night across the NBA:

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If you’re like JB and myself, then you like your fantasy basketball to be Head-To-Head.  The ability to talk smack to a new opponent every week keeps the intensity high.  And unlike Roto or NCAA football, we get The Playoffs, where heroes are made and injures decimate championship aspirations.  A nasty little side effect however is a shortened regular season.  After this week we will have played 10 weeks.  Marking the halfway point of the regular season.  If you’re in the bottom 3rd of your league then sacrifices must be made.  Injured players may need to be traded at less than face value or flat out dropped.  Streaming takes priority over upside.  There is still plenty of time to make up ground and sneak into the playoffs but it’s safe to say something isn’t working.  If you’re in the middle 3rd then you should take a long hard look at who on your team is on the way up and who is on the way down.  We all had our favorite sleepers coming into the year, Kentavious Caldwell-Pope was one of mine, Archie Goodwin was well liked around these parts too.  They weren’t giving enough so we had to move on to the next opportunity, c’est la vie, life goes on…  If your in the top 3rd of your league then you need to ensure you stay there.  You can be much more risky and shouldn’t pass up any high upside guy who is getting big minutes.

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It was a mere two weeks ago that we were here, in this very space, talking about the living embodiment of a game of “Q*bert,” Nene Hilario.

We knew it was coming. Nene’s gone all screwy on us again, deciding that his foot hurt and that he would need to “step away.” Wouldn’t it be great to be able to do that at work whenever crap went bad? Eh, hey, sorry I messed up that TPS report boss, I think I’m just gonna “step away.”

The chief beneficiary to this mess is Trevor Booker.  Prior to Nene’s latest hiatus, which began three games ago, Booker wasn’t even listed on the Wizards depth chart.

Yet when Nene did his Nene thing coach Randy Wittman reached to the end of his bench and grabbed the beefy Booker. One of the geekiest-looking players in NBA history was rewarded: In the three games that Nene’s been out, Booker has averaged 16-11-1, including a monstrous 24-12-1 in a near-win against the Atlanta Hawks.

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“Is it safe?”  Dustin Hoffman was so not type B enough in that situation.  Imagine Jeff Spicoli in that scene.  “Dude, what are you doing with that, man?!”  But nothing beats the end when Hoffman makes him eat the diamonds.  Spoiler alert!  Oh yea, that’s supposed to go before the – – nevermind.  Ryan Anderson last night was sure the marathon man in the triple OT slug fest in Chicago, playing a preposterous 57 minutes for 36/6 with 7 threes.  He’s like a big Klay Thompson!  I was actually texting with my friend who said the broadcast compared him to Larry Bird – Hah!  I countered with the Jazz broadcast in their opener compared Alec Burks to Michael Jordan.  I can’t even make something up more preposterous than that!  These announcers must’ve failed those analogy tests you had to take through elementary school.  “Pizza:delicious::ice cream:????”  “Alec Burks!”  While it’s good seeing Anderson get that kind of run, spoiler alert!  I think his toe could flare up at some point.  He’s playing great, no question, but when he came back from injury he said he was going to manage the pain and the Pelicans were hoping to hold back his minutes a bit.  Sure failed last night!  I’m obviously not his toe, but I’d be like, “Yo, Ryan, 57 minutes be too much and Tough Actin’ Tinactin ain’t gonna fix me!”  I’m buying the nice Anderson stats right now, but think he’s a bit of a sell high and big dudes with big toes that have been big ouchies are big red flags.  Here’s what else I saw from last night’s action and news in fantasy hoops:

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I have never seen JB so shaken up as he was the other day.  Everything was completely normal when I walked in.  Jude Judy was on like normal.  His hands were covered in orange Cheetos residue like normal.  A slight hint of alcohol in the air did have me question whether I really wanted to stop by but I risked it anyway.  I didn’t get two feet in the door and the first thing he says is, “I can’t believe he’s dead.”  It was strange because I couldn’t tell what the emotion was.  He was definitely sad, angry too.  “How could they just… he’s dead.”  Oddly there was laughter in his voice.  He could tell I had no idea what he was talking about and he continued, “Bryan’s gone.”  I was saddened to hear the news but I had to stop him and tell him I didn’t know anyone named Bryan and NO I’m not going to shake your hand until you clean it off.  He explained to me about Family Guy and the dog dying and it all began to make sense.  Except for why he cared so much.  I watched the show enough to know there was a dog but until then I didn’t know the dog even had a name.  He could not accept this so he sat me down, muted the Judge, handed me the Cheetos, and began that days lesson in pop culture.

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So… It was a ridiculous weekend of injuries with the NBA pulling its best NFL impression.  “Look how many people we can hurt too!”  Right now the safest big sport might be hockey… The survivors of this NBA-wide injury bug should barricade themselves in a giant prison.  OK, so that’s not exactly the best analogy… Look out for the Governor!  Arguably the biggest injury over the weekend was another knee giving out for Derrick Rose, who tore his meniscus and is having surgery some time today.  This is about the worst thing that could’ve happened for fantasy this season.  No, not because I’m a Rose owner… But because of all the Rose questions!  Of course this would happen for a second straight year.  So obligatory memo, statement, press release – Razzball’s official stance on answering questions on Rose will involve no guesses or speculation to his return!  Well, Pete, Slim, & Dan can… I guess.  But I’m not doing this again!  “Hey JB, when’s the end of the world?”  “When am I going to win the lottery?”  “How in God’s green earth did the Patriots win last night?”  “When will the Spurs finally kick out all the vets and give Kawhi Leonard superstar touches?!”  I just don’t have the answers!  We saw Russell Westbrook go down with a meniscus injury, only to need a second clean-up surgery.  Rose has said he’s leaning towards a reattachment procedure that would cost him the season, plus Rose has his other knee just off the ACL.  His knees have gone the way of Kyle’s knees in that South Park episode after his expletive-plasty.  Hopefully Rose’s surgeon is part-Borg and can get something mechanical going on in there.  “He’s more machine now than man…” Dude, I just crossed sci-fi swords there in a major fail… Here’s what else went down across fantasy hoops over the weekend:

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