No, you’re not accidentally on baseball and we’re not reviewing Roger Maris and Mickey Mantle’s little HBO romp. Wait, why does LeBron James get an asterisk then?! I think the mask is helping him. It’s like the Jim Carrey movie. Without it he’s a nothing out there – - dammit, metaphors and parallels just aren’t working today! Unless the improbable scenario in which you pounded em hard at happy hour, passed out before tipoffs last night, stumbled to your computer when you awoke this morning, and Razzball Basketball is your first NBA news choice, then you probably saw what BronBron did last night. I for one fully endorse the aforementioned scenario, see you at happy hour after work! LeBron went bob-bonkers on the bob-Bobcats for 61 points shooting 22-33, 8-10 from deep, and 9-12 from the stripe. Chipped in 7 boards and 5 dimes on top of it. The gap Kevin Durant had over King James is slowly deteriorating as MaskBron is taking over Gotham City. Now, it did help that there was no Dwyane Wade (not that it would’ve made that much of a difference), but KD is still your numero uno. Twin towers! I bet 50% of fantasy H2H title matchups will pit LeBron vs. KD. Fantasy basketball is too top heavy followed by a bunch of bastard children. It’s turning into Shawn Kemp! Zing! Here’s what else I saw last night in NBA action:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Probably because he’s, well, Elton Brand, I haven’t paid much attention to him. It’s like telling me, “Hey JB, Robert Parrish is on the wire, what’da think?!” Brand is getting tons of run lately with Gustavo Ayon and Pero Antic still hurt decimating the Hawks 5s (and Paul Millsap out as well), to the tune of 40+ minutes the past two games and 30+ in 4 of 5. And grandpa Elton topped off his big run with a rainbow line last night, 7/13/3/2/2 in 42 minutes. That’s like an Andrew Bogut line! Had a comment last night asking if Brand is a flash in the pan. More like flash in the bedpan! Yeah, I don’t see any sustainability here with none of the aforementioned hurt guys really out that long. But hey, maybe a one-game stream? The Hawks are going at Boston tonight who lack any sort of consistency up front as well and Brand could get ya another multi-cat gem. Here’s what else I saw last night in fantasy hoops:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I can’t for the life of me remember why we went to Walmart on a Sunday. It was probably for something pretty important but me and JB can get sidetracked pretty easily. Anyway, I don’t want to be there any longer than necessary so when we go I insist we shop by the method we have fondly been calling The Heely Derby. It’s just like the 80′s style Roller Derby, daisy dukes and all, only with Heelys instead of roller skates so we are slightly less conspicuous. I remember it was early in the race, we were gaining speed still, weaving around the blockers when out of nowhere I was caught with a forearm shiver that sent me flying. When I was able to finally free myself from the shirt rack and locate my adversary I was astounded by what I saw. She couldn’t have been more than 8 years old, decked out in Hello Kitty paraphernalia and still locked in her Kung Fu like pose. Even in my shock I could tell something was wrong. Her kitty doll which no doubt was her most prized possession had been knocked to the ground. Still locked in her pose she slowly turned her head toward me and calmly demanded, “Say you’re sorry”.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Gotta hand it to that Daryl Morey character.
Somehow, someway, the Houston Rockets’ GM has made it possible to like Dwight Howard again, simply by bringing him to the Houston Rockets.
Dwight was insufferable with the Magic, always whining about calls with blabber coming out of that head that was always too small for his hulking frame. And then, of course, he was even worse with the Lakers, thinking he could just come in and take the throne from Kobe Bryant.
In Houston, there wasn’t gonna be any of that disrespectin’ going on. The Rockets had Dwight working with The Dream. Kevin Freaking McHale was the coach. And Kobe might be Kobe, but James Harden’s beard is a whole other can of worms. Would you mess with that beard?Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Lakers and dear ol’ coach Doh-toni are just an absolute mess right now. And just to make things even more interesting, there are injuries, mystery, intrigue, vets returning, and a scheme to divert water reservoir rights. With Pau Gasol out for two weeks with a bum groin and a good chance out of L.A. before the trade deadline, this whole team is turning into the end of Chinatown. ”Forget it, Jake. It’s Chinatown!” And you really can forget pretty much everyone on this team right now, as three vets returned, two guys got hurt, and it’s turning into a bigger Hollywood disaster than The Adventures of Pluto Nash. I bet Norbit could play PF for the purple and gold! Since going through everything that happened for the crumbling Lakers would be an 800-word paragraph, let’s hop out of the open and machine gun through em, plus what else happened last night in the world of fantasy hoops:Please, blog, may I have some more?
We’ve seen it time and again in this year of NBA action, which has looked more like an episode of “E.R.” wrapped inside a scene from “Grey’s Anatomy” inside Nurse Jackie’s scrubs than it has the FAN-tastic exhibition of athletic excellence constructed by now-ex-commish David Stern.
The injury domino effect has wreaked havoc everywhere in real life, wrecking players’ seasons, sending some teams into tank mode while helping other teams tank.
In the fantasy world, the impact of these boo-boos has been equally killer for some owners and the big ones don’t even need to be listed. You all know ‘em.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I could tell what JB was thinking just from the look in his eyes, or what I could see of them, but he had to verbalize it, “Come on I really don’t want to do this.” I’m sure he didn’t but a lost bet has consequences. It was time to go play some 2-on-2 tournament basketball and he looked ready. He was carrying his basketball in one hand, his sandals in the other, and sporting a bright orange and pink spandex leotard, which can you believe has to be special ordered. I thought the big and tall store would have a couple to choose from but they don’t. Anyway where was I, oh yeah, and a matching blindfold with a couple tiny holes poked out. For safety. At this point there was no escaping our fate, JB knew that what he wanted was no longer relevant. When we finally arrived we were ready to ball. I knew we needed to make an impression so in a show of intimidation I threw my shirt off revealing my shiny black Tom Selleck-esque body fur, pulled my socks up high and tight, and mean mugged those fools as hard as I could.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Deron Williams could sell Citizen Eco-Drive watches too! ”Be precise! Be powerful! And whatever you do, don’t in-bounds the ball on a terrible underthrown pass when you’re up a point with seconds to go!” Just an awful way for the Nets to drop a game last night, as one of my favorite underrated guys right now Patrick Patterson stole Deron’s pass and buried a game-winner. If only that was a fantasy category! While you may have been suckered in thinking I’m gonna talk about Deron, Pit Pat is who I want to lead with, who ended with a 15/3/1/2/0 night, punctuated by that steal and dos points on that last play. In 22 minutes he shot 6-11, hit a three, and is playing pretty well in limited time. In only 23:12 a game thus far in 2014, 11/5.6/1.6/0.8/0.6 with a trey a night. Dem fightin’ numbers! Obviously was on the court in the critical juncture last night, and pulled a Richard Sherman defensive play. Plus he played after breaking his nose Saturday! Dem fightin’ numbers! Only owned in 12% of Yahoo leagues, Pit Pat’s strong play should have him on the brink of high 20 minutes a game. Not like he’s playing for the Bucks or anything! Sure he’s behind Amir Johnson, but Amir was quiet last night in 30 minutes (8/6/1/0/1) and Tyler Hansbrough is still out with a psycho ankle. If you step up in an opportunity, rewards shall be reaped! Just don’t typo that last word without the first “e”. Like I almost did! Hashtag edetting. Here’s what else I saw last night in NBA action:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Merry Christmas Razzball Nation! I hope everyone is looking forward to a great holiday. What have you asked for for Christmas? A ridiculous stroke of luck to get you a Fantasy Football championship tonight? A Christmas Day where three of your guys have triple doubles? Mine is hoping that no more injuries roll through the NBA, at least with questionable return dates. Hey, at least Brook Lopez has a certain return date. October 2014. Huge loss (I was going to say break, but um, yea) for fantasy owners with a broken foot. Here’s what I said in my ranks with him at 50, lower than most other places: “Love his game, had him top-20 in May. Foot injury and big trade limits #s.” That’s me quoting me! Ok, ok, so I get a ton wrong and you can’t project injuries (which I didn’t really, gotta love vagueness!), but I avoided Lopez everywhere so I am not suffering a stocking full of coal like BroLo owners. BroLo’s stocking is actually full of a swollen foot, but you get the idea. Andray Blatche becomes a must-own with the boost in minutes, and was already at double-digits and 19:40 plus of playing time in 15 of 17 games before Friday night’s dud when BroLo got hurt. I see him grabbing 7 to 8 boards with decent %s – along with his scoring – for a bottom end guy on rosters with a tad of upside. Here’s what else/who else got hurt over the weekend:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Yea yea I know… Of all the “Knight” puns, that’s the best ya got?! Man did Brandon Knight have a huge game last night, notching a career-high 36 points for a 36/9/3/0/1 line shooting 13-25 and 6-12 from deep. As you all know, I was a huge Knight fan heading into the year, stuck with him, and think this is what he averages here on out. Wiggity what?! Haha, just kidding to see if you were paying attention. I’ve always liked his ability to board, he’s probably the best pure scorer on that team, and can shoot treys and drive. But I’m a little tired of the “but he doesn’t assist!” from the hate Mafia. Who gives a flip man?! Of course because he’s a PG, he gets dogged for bad Ast:TO, and listen I get it – 8 TOs last night bums hard – but if Ryan Anderson had that line last night, people would be sacrificing live chickens just to meet him. Pedro Cerrano doesn’t like when his PG doesn’t dish! ”If Brandon Knight doesn’t average 8 dimes a game, I say forget you Jobu! I do it myself!” Knight will never be an elite fantasy PG, sure, but a very useful one, definitely. He just has to navigate Larry Drew’s mood swings. Get the coach some Midol! Here’s what else I saw last night in fantasy hoops:Please, blog, may I have some more?