What’s a good playoff intro? Should I do the completely played out Jim Mora thing? “Playofffs? Playoffs? You’re talking about playoffs?” Yea, let’s not do that. Let’s just get to the information you crave in the same fashion Beluga whales do fresh Salmon. My chicken and I have a long day tomorrow of watching Game Of Thrones episodes so I’m gonna cut it short. Here’s what happened this weekend in fantasy basketball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
It’s crunch time people. We are in the playoffs and it’s balls to the wall from here on out. No long intro this week fortunately or unfortunately for you, as my body is still trying to repulse the HPV that Tahitian drag queen gave me in Bora Bora. I can hardly keep my eyes open for you, the readers, I would never leave hanging. Let’s hop right into this past weekend’s hit or miss performances.Please, blog, may I have some more?
The league is finally taking notice of the Denver Nuggets win streak of 14 games (there’s not another streak going on is there?), as they survived a near upset to the terrible 76ers at home last night. The Nuggets are 31-3 at home. Rocky Mountain air! Get me an oxygen tank! The 76ers owner even slammed his team on Twitter. Doug Collins has got to be about to go on a Mel Gibson-esque tirade. Maybe paint his face like Braveheart and drive the tanker truck from The Road Warrior like in South Park. If he coaches again next year, it will be the biggest accomplishment in sports. We used to say that Oscar Pistorius, but you don’t hear that as much anymore.
Led by the late game heroics of one of my biggest supported players since I took over, Corey Brewer brewed up 10-18 FG (5-6 3PTM) 29 Pts 1 Reb 5 Stls and 1 Blk. “Stealin’ and Shottin’!” Imagine I said that like Spike Lee’s “Stoppin’ and Poppin’, Postin’ and Toastin'” and you get the frame of mind I’m going for. Hey, I’m white, spoken word isn’t my forte which is why I’m writing this blog, not on the street corner yelling fantasy advice with a megaphone.
Here’s what else went down last night in the NBA:Please, blog, may I have some more?
As a very fair skinned, freckly and tall guy (makes me closer to the sun) I have had my problems beating the heat. One time in college (I went to UNCW so on the beach) I got burnt so bad on my legs it made me get shaky and more loopy than Joseph Gordon-Levitt. My friends thought I pulled an Ewan McGregor and snuck in some heroin. Suffice to say, I got some serious additional freckling on my calves. With their long slender shape and pretty much invisible blonde hairs, I could pass them off as Lindsay Lohan’s legs. Enough celebrity mentions already!
Unfortunately for the Celtics, St. Patty’s didn’t carry on into Monday night as the Heat led by LeBron James’ 37-7-12 (including this abuse of Jason Terry) were able to keep the streak alive at 23. Although the city of Boston probably would have gotten blackout drunk again either way. With no Kevin Garnett, the C’s gave another start to Jeff Green who exploded his green-ness on the Heat like Nickelodeon gak. He was the Green Monstah last night, going for a career-high 43 with 5 3PTM, 7 Rebs, 2 Asts, 2 Stls, and 4 Blks. Easily one of the best fantasy lines of the year for who is becoming a huge pickup for owners who nabbed him. Speaking of getting nabbed, check out this guy nabbing a few boogers on national TV. Proves you can do anything if you have the charm. Just look at that wink with the debonair of Mark Harmon/Dennis Quaid. I thought no more celebrity references!
Let’s take a look at what else went down last night across the NBA:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’ve never been that bothered by snakes. Now I never went out of my way to play with them or anything (except my own – bada bing!), but never ran the other way either except when I was in New Mexico when I was like 7. When I was working on my parents mountain house when I was in high school, there was a snake under the scrap heap I was clearing and I killed that little bitch with a shovel. If that doesn’t boost your testosterone, then I guess you need to contact Tony Bosch at Biogenesis. The resident snake of the NBA (in name only – easy Laker fans), Kobe Bryant, the Black Mamba himself, went down hard after twisting his ankle last night, and blames Dahntay Jones for intentionally crowding him. I thought snakes didn’t have ankles? Well, this injury after sliding into 8th place in the West just puts the icing on the cake of the Lakers ridiculous season. Right now the prognosis is “out indefinitely.” About all you can do is make your sacrifices to the fantasy gods and cross your fingers. One thing Kobe has going for him is that he is resilient to injury and can heal quickly. He’s kinda like the Derek Jeter of the NBA. And Jeter never had any ankle issues…. I could see Bryant back sooner rather than later, but stay tuned.
Here’s what else went down in fantasy basketball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I love all fantasy sports. Baseball might be my favorite, just because it’s so long and hard and there’s so many guys to choose from…
But there are moments, fleeting highlights and moments, that I think make Fantasy Basketball special. Like yesterday, with DeAndre Jordan absolutely murdah-ing Brandon Knight on the alley. If you’re on your computer, just go to ESPN or NBA. I mean Daaaaahhhhuuuummmm. Lots of twitters about it, but my favorite might have been from Knight himself: “It wasn’t in the scouting reports that the clippers threw lobs lol”. Hah! Glad to see he isn’t in a deep depression. Makes it more fun that everyone can smile about it. ESPN then had a top ten of posterized moments. All the others looked like the posterizee was about to kill the posterizer. I’m 6’7 and I got posterized once by a guy the same height, but I didn’t know he had hops. I just smiled and went my way, and luckily everyone didn’t go nuts/it wasn’t in front of 15,000 people. Or else I’d be more Patrick Ewing than Brandon Knight.
Fantasy-wise, Jordan is still the barely-ownable center he has been all year. You should get a bonus for posterized dunks. Had one of his best games of late going 5-5 13 Pts 7 Rebs 1 Ast and 2 Blks. Been at least 7 and 5 with a block the last five. If you need blocks plus want to be on the edge of your seat if you only watch highlights of players on your team, give Jordan a look if he’s available.
Here’s what else went down over the weekend:Please, blog, may I have some more?
After recording three wins in a row the Suns have now suffered back-to-back losses. It appears the Suns are setting again, but the most recent shakeup to the starting line up may prove there’s still fantasy value to be had in Phoenix. Yes, Suns FA pick ups just in time for Daylight Savings–first, the Morris Twins–Markieff Morris had 9 points, 2 rebounds and 3 assists, and Marcus Morris had 12 points, 5 rebounds, and 2 assists. You know I’m a sucker for the twinsies starting together–pulls at all the right heartstrings. This is real basketball people. But I must say fantasy-wise it’s hard to tell them apart–they’re both pretty mediocre. They’re worth watching for now, but if you’re have to own one, Marcus is the brother to own, but they don’t recommend separating the two.
Wesley Johnson could be an even better pick up, and Friday he scored 19 points, with 4 rebounds, 2 steals and 1 block in the start. Wes has developed a sixth man-type role over the past few games but he got the start last night over Jared Dudley and made coach proud. Johnson, a former top 10 pick, always had the pedigree to do this, maybe its about time he got it done. Wesley was the only one who could save Princess Buttercup and if he can continue to play well in this role, maybe he could save your fantasy team come playoff time.
Here’s what else happened in fantasy basketball Friday night:Please, blog, may I have some more?
One of the many amazing things here at Razzball, for your perusing pleasure, good reader, is the amount of content you’re provided with every week by adequate (me) to great (everyone else) writers. The difficulty is that there is going to be some overlap. I mean, there are only some 400 players in the entire league, and many of them aren’t fantasy relevant. Feel free to request in the comment section if you want a hard-hitting fantasy break down of the merits of picking up Cartier Martin or Garrett Temple, but for now, if you see some of the same names from JB’s, ChrisV’s, Blairtch’s, or Tehol’s articles, is because they are awesome, and I can’t stop them, I can only hope to contain them…Please, blog, may I have some more?
With six minutes left in the fourth last night, David Lee gave Roy Hibbert a little sucker shove that spawned a fracas that would have made Ron Artest (excuse me Metta World Peace) proud. Tangent – how can athletes just change their names like that? Getting pretty ridiculous. They should just change their names a few times a year and get a percentage of jersey sales. Imagine Chris Andersen changing his name to “Birdman” at the beginning of the season, then changing it again halfway through the season to, “You best stay away Chris Hansen“. But I digress. After Lee and Hibbert got separated, Stephen Curry tried to body up on ol’ RoyRoy and it didn’t go so well. Even down 11, Curry had torn up the Pacers for 33 at that point, keeping what would have otherwise been a blowout a watchable game. What ended up being one of the best MMA moments of the NBA season didn’t factor into the game much, as the Pacers still ran away with it after Hibbert’s ejection. Luckily Curry was able to finish the game with an incredible line of 38 Pts 7 3PM 2 Rebs 4 Asts 3 Stls 1 Blk 4 Broken Cheek Bones and 0 Ankle Injuries. Just kidding about the cheek bones. I made every Curry owner gasp there for a second. Let’s take a look at the other performances last night in the NBA:
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Every year, there’s a handful of guys that are waiver wire whores and bounce back and forth between owners for spot starts. It’s like the freshman co-ed dorm; you feel entitled if you’re the first to have one of em riding your roster, but then you feel dirty if you claimed them next. Enter Jarrett Jack, who before settling into his probable NBA 6th Man Award role, got run off the bench, then a few starts, but never those solidified minutes. A shoulder injury a few weeks back had the last round of owners jumping ship, but since returning he’s finally ready for a long term commitment. So what if he gave rival owners a little handsy here and rub-a-dub there? Time for everyone to lock him up Elizabeth Smart style.Please, blog, may I have some more?