Sooooo… Last night just happened. It was the wildest night of fantasy hoops that I could ever remember. Sure my memory isn’t exactly like Ken Jennings, but yea… Definitely going to break the “what the hey?!” record! The Fantasy Basketball world just stood still. It was just like the remake of The Day The Earth Stood Still. Is that Keanu Reeves? What is Jaden Smith doing here? Wait, is this an actual plot? There’s just too much crazy to care about these special effects! There were like, a million three pointers last night. Tony Wroten had a triple double. Ok, who had Wroten in the triple-double pool? I think if you had bet on that in Vegas you coulda turned a dollar into owning the state of Nevada. 18/10/11 while shooting 7-18. A lot of Philly stats got boosted by the Rockets pace, and if you hadn’t heard yet, Michael Carter-Williams was a very late scratch with a sore foot. What are they feeding these guards in Philly? I think it’s obvious that to be a good NBA PG you must diet solely on cheesesteaks. But enough meandering, let’s go straight into the nitty gritty, the CGI effects if you will, for the reason why you’re here:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The preseason is upon us! And just like how you don’t put too much stock in Spring Training or the NFL Preseason – there isn’t anything to go too crazy about with what happens in the box scores. However, some guys do get hurt, hurt guys can show they’re back, and there’s additional news to spruce up everyone’s rankings (my updated top 200 is below and broken down by position in the menu). But before you scroll down! We really need some RCL commissioners to start up new leagues to show me just how bad my rankings are. The winner gets their name shaved in my head for god’s sake! Please don’t make it anything too profane… I don’t want to tell the barber he has to put @$%#% somewhere in my scalp! Rather than belaboring current events and more RCL pandering, let’s just hop right in:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The period of free agency continues to shape the fantasy basketball-scape with fresh meat on terrible teams and players signing with contenders to be relegated to bench duty. With baseball in full swing and the NFL getting half of the ESPN air time no matter what time of year it is, a lot of NBA moves have been made under the radar. Look for every division to get a team-by-team breakdown and some early fantasy thoughts on the new faces in new places:Please, blog, may I have some more?
If you’ve been keeping up with me since I took over the basketball reigns here for Razzball Nation, you know I’ve had two guys I’ve been all about. Tobias Harris and Jonas Valanciunas. Yes the luminescent Lithuanian (LL). Not Latvian! Easy mistake… OK, so I’m not one to talk, I’m paler than an Icelander living in Seattle. But it sounded cool when I made it up.
At the ripe young age of 20, Valanciunas is owning the post, and is doing a Tyler Hansbrough impression of what Psycho-T did in college, just throwing up shizz and getting to the line. LL (see, this is much better than typing his name correctly every time) has been scoring double-digits a night, but hit his career-high yesterday with 24 in 41 minutes. The crazy thing is, he took only 7 shots! Went 16-18 at the free throw line for a splendid line of 24-10-1-1-2. I know pounding Nene and the rest of the Wiz bigs down low isn’t exactly a huge accomplishment, but I’m gonna be all over him for next year. And if for some reason he’s available in your league, nab him for your championship run.
Here’s what else went down across the NBA last night:Please, blog, may I have some more?
If you’re like me, you’re afflicted with the “March Madness”. And you love it. It consumes your every thought, much like the image of Sophia Veraga and Christina Hendricks, in nighties, you know, doing sexy things to each other…
Fun fact: the busiest day for booking vasectomies is the Wednesday before the beginning of the Tournament. So the snipped one can lounge on the couch all day with a bag of frozen peas on his mutilated nethers and take in 12 hours of frenzied basketball without being bothered by his lady. True fact, look it up. What I’m getting at is although you may be in the midst of your fantasy playoffs, we’re all too occupied to watch the hours of NBA required to give in depth analysis at the moment, as I have bag of peas on my junk. Metaphorically speaking. And I expect you to be a gracious partner and leave me to my tournament, and would it kill you to make me a sandwich?
Too far? Fine, here’s a smattering of add/drops:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Bonjour all, tis I, Tehol Beddict, and I come back to you a new man. A better man. I’m sure many of you sent in hand written letters, filled with panic and despair over my abrupt disappearance , and your fears were justified as my journey almost turned perilous on multiple occasions. Trust that I knew the job was dangerous when I took it, for mankini modeling can turn deadly at any given moment as many a she-male lurk on the stunningly beautiful island that’s known as Bora Bora.
Before my tale involving the treacherous she-males occurred I spent my time off camera helping induce pregnant dolphins into labor, rescuing sea turtles from fish nets, thatching roofs destroyed by a recent hurricane, trying to impregnate a village chief’s daughter and digging a well for the thirsty locals. Yes, Tehol Beddict is a philanthropist as well as being a scholar, poet, mankini model, and a writer. It’s true I wear many hats, but among those is never a jimmy, luckily for the Chieftan’s daughter, who I can now proudly say is expecting come winter.
When saving baby sea creatures one must be wary of the poisonous sea urchin as the only way to stop the pain is by peeing on the wound. Giving golden showers to tourists is now one of my greatest passions after this trip. I shall never forget the joy of easing a tourist’s pain by blasting his face with a powerful stream of urine. You must be precise in these matters and my aim stuck true. The locals worshipped me for these feats and told me they had only read about piss with such potency in tales about the Gods they worshipped thousands of years ago before they were overtaken by the pious French. But this is a tale for another day my friends for I did battle with some of the most powerful she-males of Bora Bora , nearly losing my life in the process, and that story takes precedence.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Shaun Livingston had another nice game Friday night with 13 points, 5 rebounds, 6 assists and 3 steals in 38 minutes. If you’re waiting for Kyrie Irving to return and save your team, you’re just as sad and depressing as every other Cavs fan and you may be disappointed. Don’t wait till its too late, any player is better than an injured player in the playoffs because injured players don’t play! Fact! Meanwhile, Shaun Livingston is just 12% owned and averaging 12.5 points, 6 assists and 3.5 rebounds in two games starting since Irving went down. He also chipped in 4 steals and a block in that span. Livingston is not a huge scorer, but he could provide decent value in some other categories and will get plenty of burn in the Cleveland back court if you are looking for a player to help down the stretch.
Here’s what else happened in fantasy basketball Friday night:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’ve never been that bothered by snakes. Now I never went out of my way to play with them or anything (except my own – bada bing!), but never ran the other way either except when I was in New Mexico when I was like 7. When I was working on my parents mountain house when I was in high school, there was a snake under the scrap heap I was clearing and I killed that little bitch with a shovel. If that doesn’t boost your testosterone, then I guess you need to contact Tony Bosch at Biogenesis. The resident snake of the NBA (in name only – easy Laker fans), Kobe Bryant, the Black Mamba himself, went down hard after twisting his ankle last night, and blames Dahntay Jones for intentionally crowding him. I thought snakes didn’t have ankles? Well, this injury after sliding into 8th place in the West just puts the icing on the cake of the Lakers ridiculous season. Right now the prognosis is “out indefinitely.” About all you can do is make your sacrifices to the fantasy gods and cross your fingers. One thing Kobe has going for him is that he is resilient to injury and can heal quickly. He’s kinda like the Derek Jeter of the NBA. And Jeter never had any ankle issues…. I could see Bryant back sooner rather than later, but stay tuned.
Here’s what else went down in fantasy basketball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
As we get nearer and nearer to the fantasy basketball playoffs and more avid fans are knocked out of their league competish, what better way to keep up with fantasy than with our friends at DraftKings who run daily contests for big money prizes. I know what you’re thinking… What’s big money? How about $50 G’s! No, that’s not how many G’s are in Tom Gugliota’s last name (I think it’s only those two… Maybe there’s another hidden silent one…). You can qualify for as little as $5. That’s multiplying your money by 10,000! Best believe! And for an exclusive offer, click here for a 100% Deposit bonus on any deposit under $600.
Once the NBA has wrapped up, do not fret DraftKings aficionados! They will be running the same daily challenges for big money during the MLB season. Just how much money did winners receive from MLB DraftKings challenges last year?! $5.5 million buck-a-roos! And unlike leagues where you drafted Matt Kemp, Jacoby Ellsbury, or Troy Tulowitzki, the gods of injury won’t dispel your entire season as you can draft anew every day. All you favorite types of games - double-ups, steps, qualifiers, GPPs, sit-n-gos – will be coming soon for the MLB.
But back to hoops, let’s take a look at some of the mid-tier guys I like for good values tonight:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Kevin Garnett sat out Friday night (DNP old and tired) and Jeff Green finally got his chance to start. Doing the best KG impression he could muster, he tore up Los Suns with a season-high 31 points and added 7 rebounds, 4 assists, 2 steals and 5 blocks. Oh, hello there! What did you say your name was? I don’t believe we’ve met. They traded you for who–Kendrick Perkins!? Pffft! If we step into the Razzball DeLorean back to several weeks ago, let’s see what I said about Jeff: “I don’t think we’ll see the real Jeff Green until he gets his chance to start…If he can ever put it all together he’s got all the tools to be a fantasy stud.” And that’s me quoting me! Green shot a fantastical 11-of-14 from the field, scored 15 in the first half alone and even hit 3 shots from downtown. If you haven’t picked him up yet you should go pick him up now, he’s still available in about a third of yahoo leagues but that number will shoot up over the weekend, especially with the Celtics fans clamoring for Doc Rivers to start Green on a day-to-day basis. Jeff is averaging 17.5 points, 4.5 rebounds, 3 assists, 1.5 3pm and 1.5 blk in the past 7 days and after last nights performance is worth adding in all standard leagues if you’re feeling lucky.Please, blog, may I have some more?