Sometimes you’re the last guy to the shindig. Sober while everyone’s not, trying to crack topical jokes that stopped being funny some time ago. I know this role very well, gentle reader, very well indeed. Some socialites might argue that I have made a veritable career out of this process, that I take the Borat “very nice, I like” and “not” jokes well past their expiry, or that I’m trying to keep the “wasssssaaaaaaaap” phenomenon alive. It’s the curse of the fella who thinks himself more amusing than he likely is. Which brings me to the trade deadline: of course it falls on a thursday, so I have to wait a week to talk about the busiest deadline ever, right about the time that the trades are receding in every fantasy GM’s mind. Well, prepare yourself for all the trendy topics to be kickstarted once again, fella. I’m giving you the fantasy equivalent of clear pepsi, delivered in some zoomba pants while dancing the macarena, because I am not letting this one go, people. On the plus side, maybe the week will give some perspective on how cats are fitting in, in their new environments. Very likely not, but we can always hope, can’t we? So without further ado…Please, blog, may I have some more?
[We’ve got the Trade Deadline Podcast up! Slim and I react to all this hooblah as this post continues to be updated – you can find the Pod the post below this one as well as that link.]
The Trade Deadline is nigh, which is to say, soon. Can I trade the start of this open with a different one…? “Did you hear the one about how the Hawks got nothing for the broke ass of Josh Smith last trade deadline?!” Imagine the Hawks with a lottery pick as well… I guess as fortune-tellers, they knew they didn’t need anything for Smoove!
The 2015 NBA Trade Deadline will pass at 3:00 PM EST, and up until the closing moments, I’ll be updating this post as each trade moves across my virtual news desk. Fantasy spins galore! That’s the younger sister of Pussy Galore… So be sure to constantly ping that refresh like Goldfinger on Kitco! Here’s what’s gone down so far:Please, blog, may I have some more?
What a 2013-14 Fantasy Basketball Season its been! There have been tears, there have been laughs, there have been [formerly] Luminescent Lithuanians… Hard to believe a mere six-and-a-half months ago, we were launching into the season. Man, was I right to be scared of Tobias Harris‘ ankle! It ended up being scarier than watching Alien as a 10-year-old! Something was popping outta something! While this is the last daily recap until October, we’re going to have all sorts of fantastic content through the season starting with a rankings review with Slim and I, my very fun “Way Too Early Rankings” right around the end of the month, a few big announcements, and a video of me shaving “High as Greg Kite” in my head. Which, well… Sigh… Anyway, it’s been a great year, hopefully we’ve helped win you some titles and can win a few more for you Roto players. Here’s what’s going down on the Season Finale of Fantasy Basketball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Wait, what?! Kobe Bryant is back?! I mean, the Lakers beat the Thunder, and someone dropped 42 for purple and gold… I can think of no other scenario. But as the verse goes, “Blessed are the Meeks!” Dropping 42 on OKC, Jodie Meeks hit a career-high with his typical Meeks game of treys and steals. “He was hittin’ em from downtown like a mad scientist!” I dunno, I was trying to come up with a good segway into Cosmos from last night, but got nothing. “Went all deGrasse Tyson on the Thundah!” “Gettin’ all cosmic on dem mfers!” The Lakers beating OKC definitely broke Vegas’ space time continuum. Plus winning with 36 boards to 59? Crazy town. We’ve liked Meeks a lot over here in Razzball Nation, and somehow he’s still at only 58% owned in Yahoo. I demand an Inquisition on this matter! Even though he’s close to a ThrAGNOF, the 1.3 Stls a game, fairly high-volume 84% FT shooting, and just overall upside on such a crappy team make him an obvious must own. Here’s what else I saw over the weekend in fantasy action:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Razzball Nation! We’re here on a special weekend wrap-up where Slim (this is JB speaking) got to the action and JB just snuck in the beginning. And snuck in the end! I’m like Brad Pitt at the Oscars. “Wait, why is he winning best picture! So confused right now…” Tomorrow I’ll proudly illustrate what I did over the weekend, but a nice defining touch hoops-wise was another great one from my boy Mike Scott, who while posting great lines, isn’t helping the Hawks win… And that’s a problem! Especially with Paul Millsap assumedly back sometime soon this week. But I thought Gravity mighta gotten best picture too! After a really rough send-off last Monday, went bonkers on the Suns for 20/5/2/3/0 with three treys and not a single TO. I bet Philly sports fans wish they had no TO. BOOM! Double sports joke. The main number that got my emoji tats all excited was the 40 mins played. Millsap is going to travel with the Hawks as they migrate on a 5-game road trip, but very easily could miss the first few making Scott a solid short-term add. So beam him aboard, win a big week as we near playoff time, and don’t forget to yell over the music if those pompous mf#@*$ng PA guys at the Oscars wanna condescend you by playing the music. And here’s Slim with what he saw over the weekend:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Ross can! Rosssssss can! Ross can get me the tickets! Somebody call the Police, because Terrence Ross is on fire! Or, ummm, do we call the Mounties? I plain just don’t know… But if anyone (aherm, me) had to feel the Sting of that 51-point outburst against them – out of so left field from Ross that it was out of the Pacific Ocean – then you’re certainly sending a message in a bottle to the fantasy gods asking “Whyyyyyy?!” 51/9/1/1/0 shooting 16-29 and hitting 10 Harvey’s Trays. “What’s with the sit-com references today JB?!” Yeah, no one will get that last one… Sit-coms are always fun, light, and don’t end on Sunday nights with me throwing things. “Enough about you, JB!” Damn, commenters are angry this morning! DeMar DeRozan sprained his foot in that game, and while Ross was already hot, no DeRozan helped him get hotter. “Hansel is so hot right now.” DeRozan looks like he’ll miss at least a few games – already not traveling tonight – making Ross a must-own for this week and the immediate future. The Raptors are all the sudden with 18 less shots a game (no, that’s not me throwing out an arbitrary number, that’s really DeRozan’s FGA a game!) so this is a great opportunity for Jonas Valaciunas as well to go on a solid run. Will be an interesting game tonight at Brooklyn to see how the two younguns perform. Here’s what else I saw over the weekend in NBA action:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Sometimes it’s nice, oh so nice, to see so much potential that you saw through the preseason finally get the chance to shine, the star to sizzle, the Sun to finally get his run. With Eric Bledsoe sitting last night with a bruised shin, my boy Archie Goodwin finally got a chance, running a season-high 19 minutes for 16/2/2/2 shooting 7-10 and hitting a three, including this highlight worthy pick 6. “Give me a chance coach!” Goodwin has great speed and a good feel for the game for a 19-year-old, and is showing a little bit of what he could do should he get extended time. The Suns backcourt is flooded, muddled mostly by the breakout Gerald Green is putting on, but the hot start-Suns have now dropped three straight, going from 3-1 to 5-5. Green is an ultimate sell-high, both in fantasy and in the NBA trade market, for his highlight-inducing big plays and he’s shooting 12% better from the field and 11% better from 3-point land than last year. Obviously 2012-13 was a disaster, so some bounce back was coming, but yea, if the Suns could get anything in return, they’ll take it. With Green signed through next season and Goran Dragic with a player-option for next year, both are potential trade chips the Suns could use to build around Bledsoe. Sure, I’m dreaming up a scenario that may not be the most likely, but what I’m really dreaming about is a Bledsoe/Goodwin starting backcourt. Mmmmmm. Fantasy goodness everywhere! Goodwin is worth keeping an eye on with the Bledsoe shin injury in the deepest of leagues, and deeper dynasty leagues should have him on the radar as well. Here’s what else went down last night in fantasy hoops:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Have you ever sat back and thought, “What if I got a shot at the NBA when I was in my prime? Everyone knows I average a double double in my men’s league, I tell them all the time. I’m 6’7″ and can jump higher than even Steve the Electrician’s kid. What if I got minutes against the best in the world?” I know one Razzball writer who’s had that exact thought. Usually after one too many crown and cokes. Someone thanks him for helping them win their weekly match-up 7-2 and we go out and celebrate at the bar. Well played sir. Well Played. This night gave us much more than just a terrible hangover. It gave questionable decision making and a highly impaired thinking process. At some yet still hazy point that night we began playing the fantasy ‘What If’ game, culminating in the question what if Nick Calathes started and got 36 minutes? Wouldn’t he average 10 assists per game? With that eureka moment I knew it was time to hail a cab and call it a night. Obviously I was far too tired to think straight. When I awoke the next day, thinking clearly once more, I decided to play the ‘What If’ game again. This time with you as my live studio audience and hopefully with a more level head. Would everyone please now fill out your name tag and be seated. Because you may just be the next contestant on, ‘What… If… He Starrrrrtsss…’ And it’s a Go for the Theme Song.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Sooooo… Last night just happened. It was the wildest night of fantasy hoops that I could ever remember. Sure my memory isn’t exactly like Ken Jennings, but yea… Definitely going to break the “what the hey?!” record! The Fantasy Basketball world just stood still. It was just like the remake of The Day The Earth Stood Still. Is that Keanu Reeves? What is Jaden Smith doing here? Wait, is this an actual plot? There’s just too much crazy to care about these special effects! There were like, a million three pointers last night. Tony Wroten had a triple double. Ok, who had Wroten in the triple-double pool? I think if you had bet on that in Vegas you coulda turned a dollar into owning the state of Nevada. 18/10/11 while shooting 7-18. A lot of Philly stats got boosted by the Rockets pace, and if you hadn’t heard yet, Michael Carter-Williams was a very late scratch with a sore foot. What are they feeding these guards in Philly? I think it’s obvious that to be a good NBA PG you must diet solely on cheesesteaks. But enough meandering, let’s go straight into the nitty gritty, the CGI effects if you will, for the reason why you’re here:Please, blog, may I have some more?
[It’s March of 2011. A disenchanted DeMarcus Cousins is mindlessly taking part in a layup drill during a practice at ARCO Arena/ Power Balance Pavilion/ Sleep Train Arena in Sacramento]
Paul Westphall: Ah, yeah, what’s up DeMarcus. Um, I understand there’s been a few questions about your efforts on the glass? Yeah, I’m gonna need you to go ahead and fix that by participating in some rebounding drills, um-kay? Greaaat. Oh, oh, and I almost forgot. Ahh, I’m also gonna need you to go ahead and practice on Sunday, too…
[Cousins says nothing, fumes, and goes off to take part in the rebounding drills with Assistant Coach Keith Smart]
DeMarcus Cousins: Hey, guys.
Tyreke Evans: What’s up, G?
Marcus Thornton: Oh, it’s a little early.
DeMarcus Cousins: I gotta get outta here. I think I’m gonna lose it.
Keith Smart: Uh-oh. Sounds like somebody’s got a case of the Mondays.Please, blog, may I have some more?