Yeah. It goes like this right here. It’s the return of the writings of Slim! That reminds of an Outkast song, and that song reminds me of 1998. If you don’t remember it was the year we learned there was yet another way to be disgusted by a cigar. That near, far, wherever you are you probably found yourself at some point rooting for the most unlikeliest of protagonists, Billy Zane. And of course it was the year the ‘Blue Screen of Death‘ truly became a meme, long before anyone knew what a meme was.

Gangstaaaaa… It’s the return… turn…

In the NBA draft that year there were 3 guys drafted that are still playing and should one day be in the Hall of Fame. I’ll give you a hint, the top 3 draft picks were Michael Olowokandi, Mike Bibby, and Raef LaFrentz, and if you were playing fantasy basketball back then you might have gone all-in on one of them. Give up? They are Vince Carter, Dirk Nowitzki, and Paul Pierce. Pick number 5, 9, and 10 respectively. That’s not to say great players aren’t drafted 1st, but the only thing guaranteed when you are first overall is a whole boat load of money. Something about the use of the word ‘only’ there doesn’t quite feel right.

Return… Ganstuhuhuh… It’s the re…

It seems so easy to see when you’re talking time traveling, something mind unraveling. Get Down. It’s a whole lot harder to do here and now using some funky combination of math, logic, illogical fandom, a random number generator, and of course the occasional dart throw. For some reason though, after about an hour on 350 (or about 176c) it develops a creamy caramel colored crust. Once it cools, just cut it up and consume. So here’s you’re 1st taste. Slim’s, I can’t believe I’m writing this in 3rd person, RCL playoff schedule post.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

You aren’t going to find too many elite fantasy basketball assets sitting on an NBA bench. You’re going to find them on a 50’ wide by 94’ long stretch of hardwood, running their shoes tread-bare.

Fantasy production or “numbers” – essentially the only thing you’re mining for as you prepare for your drafts – is what results from the beautiful union between talent and opportunity.

Talent with limited opportunity (think: Jonas Valanciunas) leaves you with little choice but to sit back and wonder what could have been. Conversely, all the opportunity in the world afforded to players short on talent (I’m looking at you, Courtney Lee) has you questioning why you’re tending to vines that bear no fruit.

Unfortunately, in the world of the National Basketball Association, opportunity is usually held to a finite number each night – and that number is 240. Two hundred and forty minutes is all a given team can distribute amongst its roster during a regulation game. (For our purposes here today we’ll refrain from delving into the impact of overtime/multi-overtime games adding to the pool of minutes, though it does obviously impact the calculus.)

With NBA coaches now regularly employing rotations of nine and 10 men, there are very few players (regardless of talent, youth and good health) who are asked to play more than 75% of a game. In point of fact, during the 2014/2015 NBA season a grand total of six players averaged over 36 minutes of court time. Go just one year farther back and that number jumps to 16. The 12-13 campaign? 22 such players eclipsed the 36 MPG mark and seven ran for over 38 minutes a night. And to really put things into perspective – less than a decade ago we saw nine players average 40 minutes, with the kicker being that none of them missed more than 10 games.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Ah, the late-round fliers!  Which I think is “fliers”.  A lot of the time, I almost write it “flyers”.  Zach LaVine is a late round flyer!  Eesh, being a married man makes you start getting reallllll corny with the jokes.

So as I’ve mentioned a few times getting through the top 100 (Rank 1-10 | Rank 11-20 | Rank 21-50 | Rank 51-75 | Rank 76-100), there just isn’t many warm bodies out there to call “JB’s late sleepers”.  And, well, a lot of that is because I have guys that are ranked in the 100s on Yahoo and ESPN in my mid-rounds (cough, Jordan Clarkson – ESPN 99 Yahoo 144, what the hey?! aherm, cough cough – I’ve caught the plague!), while just as much is the lack of sexy rookies in good situations.  Jahlil Okafor is awful for fantasy.  D’Angelo Russell loves talking 401ks with Josh Smith by the turnovers at the breakfast buffet.  Stanley Johnson looks awesome, but Detroit has a bigger wing mix than Bdubs.  Asian zing – that one my jam!

With these final rounds of players, it’s also important to factor in league size.  These ranks are [hoping to tailor] for a 12-team league, so I’ll reach for a tad more upside the later we go than go for stability.  Tristan Thompson is going to be mad consistent for some points and boards for the very deep leagues, but lordy he’ll be unownable in a 12er.  You’re fired!  Can’t believe this Trump stuff is still going on…  Anyway, here’s the Top 150 for the 2015-16 Fantasy Basketball Season:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Well, remember about a month ago when the Paul George news seemed more optimistic than the Knicks season outlook?!  OK, maybe that’s not too optimistic, but ya know…

Slim and I both maintained you can leave George on your wire in H2H leagues as a stash, and it took until the final Sunday of the H2H championship to get back on the court.  So maybe we were wrong!  Hah, I doubt anybody in a H2H final was able to stash him that long…  PG13 returned from that horrific injury last summer for 13/2/2/2/0 on 5-12 FG (3-6 3PTM).  Did have the 3 TO, but man, even the most die-hard Pacers-hater has to be happy to see George back on the court.  Obviously in Roto, he’s a must add for this final week plus.  That said, played 15 minutes off the bench and I doubt he gets to 30 in the remaining week in a half.  Oh yeah, assballs and a bump of coke!  Needed to be sure this was legit rated PG-13 for “some language and drug use”.  Here’s what else went down over the weekend in fantasy basketball action:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Another night, another round of injuries to thwart title-contenders hopes and dreams…

Dwyane Wade is sorta a given though…  Pick any player for any given night to go down, and Wade is numero uno on that list.  Slipped on a banana peel last night, and hit his knee hard on the floor.  Couldn’t get to 13 minutes, and made the big time national TNT game even more a disappointment.  Plus Wade was scoring early, and shoulda gotten to 30!  Later in his game, Chandler Parsons left early with a “sore right knee” limping off into the locker room.  Ugh, with no specific impact causing the injury and the Mavs gearing up for the postseason, Parsons can go in H2H leagues and might even be a cut candidate in Roto if you’re not against a starts limit.  The Mavs go again tonight (Chandler is almost certainly out) then are off until next Wednesday.  Wade on the other hand has an extra day, and has said he’s “hopeful” to play tomorrow.  I’m “hopeful” to play 1-on-1 against an NBA player before I get to age 30 and lose the 1 or 2 iotas of athleticism I have left, but I don’t think it’s gonna happen!  I could give Scalabrine some size, ya never know!  Here’s what else went down last night in fantasy hoops action:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Another week, another rash of injuries to some of the NBA’s top players. All-Star Chris Bosh was admitted into a hospital last week with flu-like symptoms. Unfortunately, his diagnosis was much worse than initially thought. On Friday, doctors diagnosed him with a blood clot in his lung and Bosh will miss the remainder of the season. Bosh is safe to drop in redraft leagues and isn’t the only player to have their season cut short to blood clots. Brooklyn Nets forward Mirza Teletovic also has blood clots in his lungs. Left untreated, blood clots can cause sudden death, like what happened to former-Trail Blazer Jerome Kersey.

Bosh is expected to be out of commission for at least six months, as he’s on blood thinners to address the blood clot. Blood thinners will make it easier for him to bleed, hence why he won’t be able to play contact basketball for a while.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Well, one outta three of the letters in MCW is in efficient…  That makes sense seeing as he usually shoots 33%!

In his debut for the Bucks, Michael Carter-Williams looked solid against his former Sixers for 7/0/8/2/0 in only 17 and a half minutes.  All with only one TO!  Shot 3-5 from the field, did split his two FT, but a mad efficient game in his new colors.  Off the toe sprain, I’m not surprised his minutes were kept in check as the Bucks unsurprisingly took it to the Sixers.  Full tank!  Yesterday on the Podcast, Slim said even a great game wouldn’t have him change his MCW valuation too much, and he’s the logical one.  But I’m antsy and loved what I saw!  I don’t think he’s suddenly the top-50 guy I thought he’d be, but I think he’ll keep the %s in check with that decent MIL supporting cast, and he won’t make you want to kill yourself.  And if that isn’t a ringing endorsement, I don’t know what is…. Here’s what else went down last night in fantasy basketball:

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So ya know, sometimes it’s good to be late to the party.  Ya get to seem like you had a lot of more important shizz to do, if it’s lame it won’t matter as much if you dipset early…  If only that principle worked in fantasy analysis!

After a fantastic weekend, the buzz to go and grab Terrence Jones was like a hot party right in its peak.  “New York’s hottest new club is JELLY BONES!  Located on the Lower Upper Side, this random home invasion is the creation of legally drunk clothing designer Nick Nolte and Gabana. As you walk in, you’ll be handed a glass of champagne – or is it piss?”  With the Rockets hesitancy to stretch him out, adding Josh Smith back in the day, and the return of Dwight Howard at some point, I was like, “F that shizz, sounds like a lame sausage party!”  But Houston put TJones in the starting line-up last night, and he went straight Nolte for 15/15/0/1/2 making 6-9 FG.  He’s kinda looked like what the optimistic Kenneth Faried backers were hoping for!  Plus he can hit threes!  Now a must-own in all leagues, and I certainly would be dropping Manimal for him.  That said, when Dwight is back, it might not be as rockin’ as JELLY BONES at midnight.  It could be another month before Dwight is out there though, so TJones my Jelly Bones!  Here’s what else went down last night in fantasy NBA action:

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Well Ello there, Poppet!  Bootstraps Bill Turner pulled a scoop and squat shot with under a second left to pull off the upset of the century…. It’s only been 15 years this century, it could be true!

Evan Turner put together a solid 12/7/9/1/0 line hitting 4-11 from the field and all 4 freebies with only 2 TO.  Ending the first half on a high note!  The move back to his more natural SF spot is finally paying off, as he’s averaging at least 6/6/6 (THE NUMBER OF THE BEAST!) the past 4 games.  The FG% is terrible, but I guess I have to believe a little in the out-of-position dimes.  The greatest trick Miss Turner ever played was convincing me he wasn’t fantasy usable!  Well, he still isn’t ever going to be a stalwart on 10 or 12 team squads due to the low %s, TOs, and absence of 3s, but a lot of teams could use his popcorn stats for their build.  He’s like Lance Stephenson, but actually worth owning!  At least for now, if he sticks with Boston until the end of the year… Here’s what else went down in our last busy slate of NBA games before the All-Star Break:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Maybe it’s because this is my first season writing for Razzball, but it seems like just about every week this season, there are a handful of fantasy stars who have come down with serious injuries.

Last week, I mentioned that LaMarcus Aldridge and Kobe Bryant would miss a significant amount of time. This week, we have more clarity on their situations.

Aldridge was supposed to have surgery on the torn ligament in his thumb and miss 6-8 weeks. He changed his mind and decided that he would play through the pain, just in time to beat my Wizards on Saturday night. He may miss a few games here and there, but as long as he can manage the pain, he should remain a top player. Hopefully you didn’t drop him prematurely.

Kobe Bryant on the other hand doesn’t have the option of playing through his torn rotator cuff. He’s out for the season and is droppable in all redraft leagues. There isn’t talk of retirement yet, but the future hall of famer’s career is coming closer to the end.

Please, blog, may I have some more?