Oh man, it’s been a grueling season for a few of my fantasy teams.  I’m like Oliver Twist out there.  ”Please, sir, give me some fantasy-more!”  But it’s always nice seeing one of my boys go out there and have himself a career weekend, like Mike Scott who put up 20 on Friday then a career-high 30 on Saturday.  #EmojiTats!  In 30 minutes (he scored a 30 for 30) shot 11-14 including 6-7 from deep.  Somebody step out on this guy!  Reminds me of when the old UNCW coach would keep our hapless defense in zone when the opps were hitting threes.  I remember when you were against us, Kent Bazemore!  Oh man, I gootta elaborate more on that…  Anyway, Scott went 30/8 with no other stats so it was a major-ThrAGNOF!  And remember, ThrAGNOF isn’t derogatory unless it’s one of those high-ranked guys.  Looking at you Klay Thompson.  Scott got the start for Paul Millsap whose knee is all syrupy, and Scott could pick up another start or two early this week.  Why you don’t need to draft threes!  Grab your kilt, prep your best Mel Gibson, and ride with your fellow Scott against the Longshanks.  Here’s what else I saw over the weekend in fantasy hoops:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Oh man, a busy day yesterday in hoops!  The obvious first mention is GO HEELS!  Oh man, I feel like storming the court today.  I think Chapel Hill fans everywhere this morning should storm their office/classroom/crowded area in a flash mob at some point.  Then we have LeBron James getting his nose broken by Serge A Broke-a!  The mayor of Cleveland has already issued Serge Ibaka a key to the city.  Fine LeBron $5,000 for flopping!  Man, the next round of internet videos of “LeBroning” are going to be a lot more like “The Knockout Game”.  Seriously, even LeBron haters have to love he got it broke a step or two out before throwing it down.  Word still to come if the nose is indeed broken, but my money is on yes.  Regardless, we’ve seen a few players come back from a broken nose in the same game donning the Hannibal mask, so I doubt he misses any time after passing concussion tests last night.  MaskBron!  And then we had the trade deadline come and go, with nothing too major albeit a few surprises.  I’m starting a bit off the reservation with a guy I’m going to pump hard and is a pickup now in 12-teamers.  Lord Byron Mullens!  After trading their former starting 5 which we’ll get in below, it’s Mullens and Arnett Moultrie manning down the C fort in the abandon ship Sixers front line, with Mullens picked up for draft picks.  I know Mullens is boring, but he was usable while with the Bobcats posting a 10.6/6.4/1.5/0.6/0.6 line with 1.2 treys in 27 minutes a game in 12-13.  His sub-40 FG% blew, sure, but he’s a perimeter shooter who can play decent D so I think he will get run.  He’s a lot better than Moultire in my opinion and I think will get big minutes.  And I don’t know why, maybe it’s because he looks so goofy or maybe because he’s been in the league 5 years, but Mullens is actually only 25 when I thought he might be 30.  For a team tanking, he’s a perfect acquisition to help rack up points to try and fill maybe 2 more seats a night in Philly.  ”Thanks for coming Mr. and Mrs. Mullens!”  Here’s what else went down yesterday, starting with NBA deadline deals:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The trade deadline is here!  Today!  And even though we had a few trades already go down, more are sure to proliferate through the league office.   Hopefully the NBA has faster fax machines than the NFL.  I mean, seriously on that Elvis Dumervil thing?!  BREAKING NEWS!  The Heat trade LeBron James to Cleveland for Anthony Bennett, but the trade was sent just over a month too late.  Reports indicate it was sent on April 1st.  Hah!  Sent from some hooligan named David Stern…  You’ve been punked Adam Silver!  Back to reality, we’ve seen Marcus Thornton get traded to the grandpa Nets for Jason Terry and Reggie Evans and Steve Blake get all his fantasy value decapitated Hershel-Walking Dead style by getting shipped to the Warriors for Kent Bazemore and MarShon Brooks.  The takeaways thus far is you can cut Blake in virtually all leagues, and in deeper leagues I actually think Reggie Evans could start at some point as the Kings 4.  Jason Thompson is one of the many rumored on the trading block which would open up that role.  I’m not saying Evans would play 30 minutes or anything, but could maybe average 8 boards a game while doing nothing else in the typical Evans fashion.  So when I say deeper leagues, I mean deeeeeeper.  We’ll recap the rest of the trades in tomorrow morning’s piece as well as in the comments throughout the afternoon to help with your fantasy moves.  Here’s what else went down in NBA action:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

And we’re back baby!  The All-Star break in Nawleans has come and gone, with a disappointing dunk contest, no bounce passes in the skills contest (yeah, what was up with that Prez?!) and All-Star jerseys that made the finale look like an adult rec league game on a Thursday night.  ”Help, I think Stanley has a hernia!”  I was constantly thinking to myself about the Major League quote, but the opposite.  Brian Scalabrine or Matt Bonner coming into their first practice with sleeves and a hat on, and their coaches were like, “We don’t wear caps and sleeves at this level son!”  Sure made that coach look stupid on Sunday night!  And if you’re a Cleveland fan, you’ve got to be thinking, “Crikey wtf is going on!?” after seeing Kyrie Irving and Dion Waiters go off in their respective ASB games over the weekend.  Then to see neither of them do anything against the 76ers last night!  To be fair, the Cavs let their scrubs do all their damage in a blowout.  So I guess if Cavs are thinking crikey, Philly fans are thinking, “if we don’t win 20 games this year, I’m giving up cheesesteaks!”  Drastic?  Probably.  Be liking asking me to give up that delicious BBQ.  Now I’m all sorts of hungry… How did this get into food?  Let’s just dive right in to last night’s return to action, like how you’d dive into an all-you-can-eat Southern food buffet with mac & cheese, hush puppies, chopped BBQ, whole BBQ, biscuits & gravy, and then, and then…:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

When Glen Davis went to the pre-season Magic weigh-in, the trainer was like, “355 Big Baby, really?”  ”These hips don’t lie!”  And in a very full slate of games last night, we had two pretty premiere big men have their hips not lie and go out on them.    ”Help I’ve fallen and can’t get up!”  The NBA to start issuing players life alerts to wear around their necks.  DeMarcus Cousins was the first to succumb to the AARP ailment.  Suffered a left hip flexor, but coach Mike Malone said it probably wasn’t serious.  Destiny is like, “wait a ‘left’ hip?  I thought, like, for people we had only one hip!”  No child left behind fails us yet again.  Good thing it’s the All-Star break for Boogie!  An All-Star Boogie!  Dude, that should totally be an event.  Breakdance Horse!  Hah.  Then Derrick Favors went out and re-aggravated his right hip that had caused him to miss games here and there over the past month.  This one is a lot less bueno.  But hey, DeMarcus and Derrick have a pair of healthy hips!  If only they were siamese twins – they’d get, like, 35 rebounds a game.  Favors will likely get an MRI and be brought along very slowly since this is a re-aggravation.  Enes Kanter to the rescue!  Might get some solid run and deserves love in a lot of leagues.  And don’t sleep on Rudy Gobert in deep leagues if you need some blockage.  Speaking of blockage, look at some of the traffic photos of NC from yesterday.  No one learned from Atlanta!  And the best basketball game on the slate, UNC-Duke, cancelled.  Travesty.  Let’s get this global warming going again!  Here’s what else I saw last night in fantasy hoops:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

So, the Feds are after you.  Your Ponzi scheme and billions of dollars are up for seizure.  Well, that, or your $20 league dues and your friends sending you obnoxious texts about how you’re not going to the playoffs.  So if you’re in H2H and in this shortened week, what is a Madoff to do?  How about putting in a quick grab of Chris Kaman, who has erected himself into surging fantasy relevance.  Too far JB!  A raging 25/14/4/1/3 line last night, taking a whopping team-high 24 shots.  That’s now three straight games of at least 17 Pts, 8 Rebs, 3 Asts and 2 Blks.  That’s the floor!  While tonight’s slate is pretty jam-packed, Thursday is a light one.  With the Lakers one of the few teams in action, Kaman could really make the difference this week for ya in Pts and Blks.  While he does have a shelf life whence Pau Gasol returns, if Gasol is indeed traded I think Kaman has played well enough to stick.  Of course you never know with Doh-toni, but Robert Sacre isn’t exactly a guy to be developed for a long-term future and they don’t have any other true 5s.  So don’t be afraid to stash some of your free cash in the Kaman islands.  While he is owned in 43% of Yahoo leagues already (a bit shocking to me it had hopped up that fast), there’s plenty of IRS-free banks left to stash him up.  Here’s what else I saw last night across fantasy hoops:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I might be making this up, but doesn’t Denver play the Flavor Flav “Yeah Boy!” when Randy Foye hits a three?  Well I hope they do!  After a brutal Super Bowl for the Broncos (and America), the Denver populous got some slight redemption with Foye hitting this buzzer-beater last night.  Sportscenter!  But even with that game-winner, Foye had a rainbow flirt of 14/7/4/1/2.  That’s not ThrAGNOF!  Even with Ty Lawson back, Foye is rackin’ up multi-cat!?  I haven’t been a big Foye fan for shallower leagues this year – I thought he was constantly overvalued – but getting 16 dimes in his previous game then a nice all-around line last night with Ty-Ty back; I think I’m a little more a believer.  Sure it’s only one game against a fast-paced Clippers team, but 40+ minutes yet again last night and now in three straight games and Foye is looking pretty locked in for good value right now.  Owned in 57% of Yahoo leagues seems a little thin.  Show ya Foye a little Flavor of Love.  Here’s what else I saw last night in NBA action:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

There’s gotta be a hardcore Spurs fan in your league, or someone who appreciates the classics, or someone who doesn’t realize that Tim Duncan is 37 years old, or someone who doesn’t care, or, best of all, someone who has been hit hard by injuries and is in dire need of a big man.

Because if you find that dude, you want to offer Timmy D. to him right now.

Duncan has once again defied the odds with near-All-Star numbers. Yeah, he’s scoring a few points less, but his rebounds (9.8 per) and his blocks (around 2 bpg) are right where they have been the past few years.

While these numbers are all fine and dandy, the best power forward of all time is great trade bait because of what he’s been up to lately. Just last week he had a vintage, turn-back-the-clock game with a 24-17-2 at Memphis. After a bit of a rebounding slump, he posted three-straight games with double-digit boards, and just last night he snuffed four shots against the T-Wolves.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

PGs depth suddenly overfloweth from the wire, with a lot of guys on their choppers… chopping(?) their way onto fantasy squads.  Listen, I would make some sort of better parallel with that show, but I haven’t gotten to it yet.  Takes a lot of effort to plow through a show!  I friggin’ had to stop the new Arrested Development in season 4.  Yikes.  And speaking of arrested development, the Clips sure got a buster when Chris Paul went down with a separated shoulder Friday night, and through a series of updates will be out “up to six weeks.”  The trainer asked Paul if he was filing for divorce with his shoulder, but nah, just separated.  Huge blow to the Clippers, but it was a “rush to your nearest internet device” moment for fantasy owners to add Darren Collison.  On Friday night, in JB’s RCL 2 I missed out, then when deciding who to drop for him in RCL 1, I missed him by about 10 seconds.  Thank’s a lot Your Mom Says Hi!  A Hill ‘O Beans bout to be refried!  Yeah, terrible smack talk, I know…  If you’re not checking out the comments every night, all sorts of updates get fantasy spins throughout the evening, like El Burro breaking the news while watching his Clips’ title hopes get separated.  I like Collison a lot, and unless you singularly need assists, I like him over the other big breakout PG from the weekend.  I think he gives you 16/3/6/2 a game until Paul is done with marriage counseling.  The 35 minutes he’ll play a night should make those numbers pretty realistic.  Here’s what else I saw over the weekend in hoops action:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

As my good friends at Mr. Show previously theorized, 24 was thought to be the highest number.  ”What about 30?!”  And then NBA scorers were pulling exactly what happens in that skit.  ”What about 31?”  ”What about 32?”  ”I gotta ask, what about 33!”  Then Gilbert Arenas was like, “if people keep scoring like this, I’m gonna have to shoot em with Crittenton’s .45!”  It wasn’t necessarily that many guys going off, just a few you wouldn’t have guessed.  I’m trying to pick the most off the rails 30+ point night, so I think I’ll go with Alec Burks, who just looked awful in the two games before last night.  7-25 his past two outings, but goes 12-17 last night for career-highs in both points with 31 and dimes at 7.  Added three boards and four steals with two treys for good measure.  Burks has always looked like a good athlete out there, but never like a guy who could take over like that.  I think a good debate is Burks or Terrence Ross.  I’ll lean Ross, but very close, I just think Burks is too inconsistent.  Here’s what else went down last night in hoops:

Please, blog, may I have some more?