On Tuesday morning, President of Basketball Operations Danny Ainge received an email. The sender was: [email protected] You don’t become the President of Basketball Operations for the Boston Celtics by being a dummy. Knowing that it was a scam of some sort, he asked his secretary to dial up the IT department so that they could help him reconfigure the spam folder settings. He saw the light for the IT department flash three times on his state-of-the-art phone before Jane, his secretary, intercommed over that Art was on the line. “Hey Art. This is Danny.” “What can I do for you, sir?” See, Art, I received this email from a Nigerian prince this morning and I was wondering if you could fix the problem so I won’t receive these spam emails anymore.” “Sir, did you try shutting the computer on and off?” Just at that moment, Jane intercommed over to say that Koby Altman, general manager of the Cleveland Cavaliers, was on the line. “Hey Art. Hold on a sec.” “Hi Koby, what can I do for you?” “Well Danny, I have a problem. You see….” Koby kept talking and talking and talking, but what Danny didn’t know was that the hackers that Dan Gilbert hired over the Dark Web a week earlier figured out a way to hypnotize an individual via their computer screen. Not to get too technical, but it required a specific state-of-the-art phone that had two lines open at the exact time with an email displayed from a particular address emanating from the screen. Unbelievable you say? Then how else can you explain the trade that went down?!
Ok, I kid. Just wanted to have fun with things. Before I get too serious, though, why was the first thing to pop into my head when the trade was announced this song?
Last week, I gave you my Top 10 for 2017 Fantasy Basketball. Today, I present to you the Top 15 after the Top 10. Since I’ve included the link for the Top 10, it’s technically the Top 25 but not really. Top 15 after Top 10 just doesn’t flow off the tongue properly, so I’ll just go with Top 25. Plus, it’s so cumbersome and annoying for me to write. Similar to if I had to spell out Giannis Antetokounmpo every time. Sure, I could just copy and paste it, but what if I had to copy and paste something else? What if I had to turn off my computer and re-copy and paste? I ain’t got time for that nonsense! Bing! Lightbulb suddenly appears over my head, which is good because my halo is now illuminated. From this day on, I shall call Giannis Antetokounmpo, G. I believe that gets G up to five nicknames now, right? That has to be the dopest nickname of all time. Hear me out. One-names were all the rage back in the day. Cher, Prince, Pele, etc…but then Prince took it to another level by eschewing letters altogether and just going with a symbol. But you know what? A symbol, while cool, is difficult to write. It’s also very difficult to utilize on the computer, although, it’s pretty amazing that people figured out a way to do it. Anyways, G is already on the keyboard. Yes, you do have to press Caps Lock or Shift to get it right, but…damn, you lazy!! Who else do you think of when I say G? When I say G, you say what? G. Anus. See? No bueno. It’s a good thing no one ever reads intros. Well, at least I will know who didn’t read this intro when I get the inevitable, “What does G stand for?”
As always, big shout-out to Slim, who provided projections and insight.
Throughout history, and in all facets of life, evolution happens whether we want to believe it or not. If you were a small caveman or woman, you did not go out and try to kill a wild animal. You picked berries or cooked. Nothing sexist about it. The logical thing was to let the bigger and stronger entity hunt, which unfortunately provided a generalization for future bigots. Over time, the development of our brains neutered the size difference and allowed us to change how we interacted with the world. We did get bigger and stronger physically, but we are now not so tied to specific roles like hunter/gatherer and cooker.
The inaugural 1946 NBA season consisted of 11 teams for a total of 182 players. Last season, there were 524 players in the NBA. Below is a chart showing the players grouped by height.
Welcome back to The Abode. If you missed the genesis, click here.
After a blowout-infested playoffs, the hype leading up to Warriors/Cavs III in the NBA Finals almost reached Mayweather/Pacquiao levels. Almost. Nothing will surpass the chicanery of Mayweather/Pac, though. The Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey would’ve been most impressed. Anyways, storylines and narratives were tossed around and many thought (perhaps wished?) that a heated, epic Finals would be showcased.
Game 1. Warriors 113. Cavs 91. The Cavs had 20 turnovers and the Warriors made 15 more field goals on 20 more attempts.
The Warriors Voltron’d up, while the Cavs were a bunch of scurrying ants trying to escape the ray of death from the magnifying glass of a nine-year old.
The Cavs did not panic, though, and Game 2 was an epic battle for two and a half quarters.
Playoff basketball – yes spelled “basketball” – is underway, got some great games to kick it off, including from our boy PBev! While I’m coming around and trying to watch more playoff hoops (baseball is still fresh and new, sue me!), I’m still more excited for the hopes and dreams of 2017-18 fantasy titles.
In case you’re still catching up, here’s my Way Too Early Top 10 ranks, which hopefully mostly hold up (they mostly come out at night…) for the 2017-18 season. Of course my boldest call of Rudy #10 gets greeted by a first quarter knee injury in game 1 of the playoffs, hooray! C’mon Rudy, just stay healthy, no one in fantasy cares how you play in the playoffs! Hah! So let’s all hope none of these guys in my 11-25 get injuries their next postseason game… Here’s my Way Too Early Top 25 for the 2017-18 Fantasy Basketball Season:
The H2H season is in the books! Well, at least if you did a standard format, ain’t no reason to play out games the final week-and-a-half! People getting sat with hangnails! Even James Harden missed a game… Say it ain’t so!
Quick scheduling note for this week. Tomorrow we’ll announce the RCL winner, then Wednesday unveil the REL champ with their gold jersey. We’ll catch up with the Pod either Wednesday or Thursday and some daily notes by the end of the week for you Roto-ers still trucking through to the finish line, and then start up the Way Too Early Ranks for 2017-18! That’s what I’m excited about. Mostly just to never see Chandler Parsons in my ranks ever again…
So who were some unlikely heroes over the championship week? How about stupid, no good, can’t-take-a-shower-without-breaking-his-wrist Rajon Rondo just running game, and knocking me out of my one title-contending RCL. What a joke…. 10/9/9/3/0 last night against the Pels, giving him a 42/29/30/8/1 line over the Thur/Sat/Sun 3-games-in-4 nights stream if you used him in the Finals. Who woulda thought my death knell would’ve been made by Rondo… Eh well, baseball is here at least! Here’s what else went down over the weekend in fantasy basketball action:
If you recognize this picture, then you’ll certainly understand the title. If you don’t, then how dare you call yourself a basketball fan… Also, you should check out Vince Carter in the 2000 slam dunk contest.
We have reached my final recap of the season. It has been a long journey. We have laughed and cried, we have shouted and groaned, but most of all, we have experienced the deep love of fantasy basketball that transcends us all. For the good times we’ve had, I thank you. For those who have offered comments, compliments, and constructive criticism, I appreciate you. And for the haters, I say fuck you. Wait, am I allowed to say that??? Well shit…
We start our night in Detroit, where the Pistons barely manage to edge the Nets 90-89… Let’s dive in!
In a battle for real life playoff implications, Hassan Whiteside tipped in Goran Dragic’s missed putback to give the Heat a 97-96 win:
It was just the tip, but sometimes that’s all you need, as the Heat went up a game on the Bulls and 2.5 games ahead of the Pistons for the final playoff spot in the east. Whiteside finished with 17 points and 9 rebounds, while Dragic added 28/4/4 on 9-16 shooting.
Oddly enough, it was the Heat’s first game-winning buzzer-beater since 2013, when a little known player by the name of LeBron James beat the Pacers in the Eastern Conference Finals.
With the playoffs in full swing, every game matters, so here are the rest of your nightly notables:
Rusell Westbrook continued his dominating ways against the Raptors, and the Thunder steamrolled them tonight. 123-102 was the final score, and the Thunder outscored the Raps by 17 in the third quarter. OKC has moved into 6th place in the west, and there’s a decent possibility that they could lock up home court, since they’re only 3.5 games back of the 4th seeded Jazz squad. At any rate, let’s get back to Westy. He finished with 24/10/16/1/0, and oh yeah, he only had 2 TOs. Plus, he hit 4-8 from deep! Did I mention that he did it in only 28 minutes? Oklahoma City had 7 players in double digits, and they seem primed for a solid playoff push.
For LeBron, he needed just 28 minutes to post 16/11/12 against the Pistons, a team he seems to dominate since his unforgettable 48-point performance in the 2007 Eastern Conference Finals. He wouldn’t be denied and knocked over anything in his path, including teammate Kyrie Irving:
The Cavs were in a bit of a slump, losing 4 of 5, heading into their matchup with the Pistons. With the Cavs just 2.5 games up on the Celtics, hopefully James will finish the year on a tear. It was James’ 10th triple-double of the season and third in the last four games.