Razzball Nation! Hopefully you’re hopping over here to boast your hardware. To flaunt your gold. To show us all your bigger red ass to display your dominance over us weakling chimps! Most H2H leagues wrapped up last night, and I had a brutal year. Multi-titles last year, not a one this time out. But hey! It’s been a fun season, and we’ve still got a few weeks left for other H2Hers and Roto players. So we’ll be here! And we’ve got a fun championship edition week coming at ya, with Slim’s REL acceptance speech along with Wednesday’s RCL Championship crowning. Speaking of crowning, somebody get Aaron Brooks the iron throne (I thought about making a birthing joke instead, but that’s gross)! Dude has been owning Westeros (I think that’s right, it’s hard to keep up with all the kingdoms when you haven’t read the books!), getting his second straight 40+ minute outing and blowing up for 24/8/15/3/0. As I mentioned in the comments at some point last week, Brooks against the Rockets with no Patrick Beverley checking him was going to be saucy. Then Ty Lawson had to sit on top of it! Wow, that sentence comes off weird as a standalone… Brooks looks to be an immediate add with Brian Shaw quoted that he’s not rushing Lawson back. As well he shouldn’t, captain obvious! Try and snatch up Brooks if you still can and ride him while Lawson sits on it, apparently. Hah! Here’s what else I saw over the weekend:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Hmmmm, ok, who did you pick in you office “who scores 40 points tonight” pool? I bet the Vegas odds were… a million to one on Nick Young. “So you’re saying there’s a chance!” Too bad Nick Young sucks in fantasy. You actually have to go back 15 games to find him putting up a 5 in any counting stat other than treys. The ThrAGNOF fairy strikes again! Dude went a preposterous 15-26 (6-13 3PTM 4-5 FT) 40/4/1/2/0 and only had one turnover last night. The Blazers should be ashamed. I’m pretty sure this game never actually happened, and it was some sort of elaborate April Fool’s joke. Swaggy P shockingly led the Lakers in minutes off the bench, and with his shoot first, ask questions later attitude, Mike D’Anotni’s rape stache kept curling upwards in facial hair glee. By the end of the game (and yes, another Lakers loss), D’Anotni’s mustache looked like Rollie Fingers. Here’s what else I saw last night in fantasy basketball action:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The Lakers. The Bucks. Two terrible teams enter. Only one team wins (well, actually neither of these teams are winners, unless you count if they get the first pick in next year’s draft, I guess winning the lottery is something…). Two horrible teams with fast-paced awfulness where we see flashes of fantasy goodness. And we got another taste of the sweet nectar that is Jordan Hill when given playing time! 31 minutes for 28/16/0/1/0 shooting a ridiculous 13-17. With 9 of those boards offensive, Hill was abusing the paint and his shot chart around the rim looked like a rash in Kim Kardashian’s nethers. Everyone that has watched the Lakers lately (a number that has decreased significantly, and would even more without fantasy!) knows Hill should be starting the 4 every night, and it’s taken way too long for D’Antoni to finally go back to him. Even Hill is confused about his playing time based on his profile pic… No Pau Gasol at least for tonight, and Chris Kaman barely arriving on time to last night’s game due to personal reasons might have put a craw in Doh-toni’s gears. There was a report they hadn’t talked in weeks before Tuesday’s game. Before that, Kobe Bryant said he hadn’t talked to D’Antoni in a while during his rant. The Lakers coach is running this team like it’s freshman year of high school. “OMG, like, Mike hasn’t put me in the game, so like, I stopped talking to him and, like just started posting memes on the internet!” I knew it was Kaman! You’re playing with fire, but for guys widely available, if you have a roster spot open Hill is as good as any to give you a really high upside double double tonight. Against the Wolves should be a pretty free flowing game, so let’s all hope Jordan stays over the Hill before we bury Mike D’Anotni underneath it. Here’s what else I saw last night in fantasy basketball action:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I imagine if you’re reading this, you have an injury or two on your fantasy roster, and you need promenade left to do-si-do your way into week 2. I don’t know where I’m going with this analogy, I’m more of an electric bugaloo type myself. But while I may not understand the allure of square dancing, I do understand all too well how an injury can derail your playoff hopes. I lost Kyrie Irving, and Jameer Nelson this week, and I will be hard pressed to make it past my opponent. There are more cats out than just those two: LaMarcus Aldridge, Dwight Howard, Nikola Pekovic, Andre Drummond, Jonas Valanciunas, Jamal Crawford, and the list goes on. So what’s a fantasy owner to do? You already know the answer, and it sucks the sack: Captain Obvious reminds you that you have to look long and hard at your situation, and decide whether you can afford to hold onto your injured player, or to drop him, because he can’t help you if you don’t make it to the semis. Of the few I just listed, only Kyrie, Jamal, LaMarcus and Nikola are pretty much guaranteed to be out for the weekend at least, perhaps into the semi finals week, so take that into consideration. If you do decide to drop somebody, here’s, in my opinion, the best of the waiver:Please, blog, may I have some more?
When the mythical beast of the Goromotaro was awakened, we’ve seen very few bigs able to top the 20/20 plateau. It’s what hindsight is! Then Anthony Davis goes out and drops a 40-burger topped with multi-cat sauce. “Welcome to King Burger where you can have it your way but don’t get crazy!” Brow went too crazy! 40/21/3/1/3. Sassy. Almost a rainbow, definitely a Goromotaro, and certainly spiking the Brow value into probably the 3rd pick next year. I said early on in the year I’d go top-5, but he’s locked in the three hole now. You can set it and forget it. Plus he’s a redonk 29 for his last 29 at the stripe. Just so valuable that one of the big Boards-N-Blocks can actually hit free throws. So in drafts next year, you can pass on Andre Drummond and DeAndre Jordan later on. Plus you won’t be looking at your roster and taunting it like Katt Williams when pulled over by Shaq. “No – could you hit a free throw!” Here’s what else I saw over the weekend:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The postseason is upon us in standard playoff leagues, and this is the last update of the fantasy regular season. My swan song if you will! My swan… Carroll? Puns! Puns! “My anaconda don’t want none unless you’ve got puns, hun!” What isn’t punny is DeMarre Carroll‘s production of late, pouncing on the hapless Bucks for 15/6/1/0/2 hitting four treys. Carroll has been all about sir-mix-a-lotting multi-cats, with three straight pretty big fantasy games hitting three+ treys in all of em. Shooting a great percentage, hitting treys, can get all the cats, what’s not to like?! And yet, still only 47% owned in Yahoo. Crazy sauce! Looking ahead to the playoff schedule – and if you haven’t yet, be sure to read up on Slim’s schedule breakdown for the three upcoming weeks (which is what I’m going to use here on out, Slim you are a saint!) – the Hawks are non-migratory and play within a temperate zone of 4 games in all three playoff weeks. So sink your talons into some DeMarre and soar into the fantasy championship to place a title trophy on your roost. Puns! Puns! Here’s what else I saw last night in fantasy action:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The injury bug hath claimed another victim, with LaMarcus Aldridge suffering a tough fall in San Antonio on his lower back/coccyx. What are you doing to us fantasy gods?! While reports right now is it was only a lower back contusion, you never want to hear “needed a wheelchair to get around the arena.” Unless you’re Professor X! Yikes. As Slim is putting out early this afternoon, the Blazers have a mammoth of a 5-week slate coming up in the second week of the playoffs. So if you’re an Aldridge owner, I would just thank my blessings, or count my lucky stars, or something like that, if L.A. can indeed give you all five of those. In the immediacy, Thomas Robinson looks like an interesting pickup for some flashy upside. “Oh camon JB, Thomas Robinson again!?” Yup! And I said it last time and he had a 14/18/2/0/2 in there! I serious doubt Aldridge will suit up again this week, giving T-Rob some serious run. We’ll obviously get some more detailed updates throughout the day, so sacrifice a shot of rum to Jobu, or rub your bunions against the carpet, whatever you do to appease the fantasy gods to get a healthy Aldridge back for the postseason. Here’s what else went down in fantasy action:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Step right up folks! Come and see the freaks of the world! Right here we have the Hairy Hipster: Loves his Death Cab for Cutie, hates his razor. And next there’s Head Boy … just a head, that’s it. And then there’s Pretzel Man, can bend any which way and oh my Lord he’s doing it again. Let’s keep walking.
Finally, there’s our main attraction. Quite possibly the most amazing, befuddling, intriguing human you’ll ever see. He’s the eighth wonder of the world: A 7-2, 285-pound center on a defensive minded, title-contending team who cannot rebound. Ladies and gentlemen, The Roy Hibbert!
In the six games since a Feb. 27 home win against Milwaukee in which he scored 24 points, grabbed 12 rebounds and blocked 2 shots, Hibbert is averaging 4 rebounds per game and 1.8 blocks per game. That is just absolutely unacceptable numbers out of your center, especially in real life when the Pacers have dropped four straight games.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Oh man, rough night for matt’s Pacers! Al Jefferson just went absolutely bonkers, adding to his stretch of bonkertude giving Jefferson owners a huge boost for the playoffs. Owning Roy Hibbert like an Entertainment 720 entrepreneur, Big Al shot 16-25 in a full multi-cat dance party of 34/8/3/1/1 and even hit a three! Only his sixth of his career to pepper all the cats. Over his last 3, Jefferson has hit 44 of 65 shots for a very high volume 67.7 FG%. Jefferson hasn’t played this well since his Minnesota days, and you can even argue this has been a career year. Which for a guy with the history Jefferson has put down in the stat sheets is really saying something considering how rocky it all started. Remember the ankle issue that had him sit a lot of games? Then the slow start? Because I sure do, and I steadfastly said “Hold me tighter baby!” Is that a song? I feel like there’s something close to that… Anyway, hopefully you were able to buy low or weather the storm and now you’re reaping some big man stats like it’s the 90s. We miss you David Robinson! Two losses in a row for the Pacers, right after barely beating the Jazz. The Heat are now only 1.5 games behind, and might be taking the Pacers piece of the home-court advantage pie! Here’s what else I saw last night in fantasy hoops:Please, blog, may I have some more?
No, you’re not accidentally on baseball and we’re not reviewing Roger Maris and Mickey Mantle’s little HBO romp. Wait, why does LeBron James get an asterisk then?! I think the mask is helping him. It’s like the Jim Carrey movie. Without it he’s a nothing out there – – dammit, metaphors and parallels just aren’t working today! Unless the improbable scenario in which you pounded em hard at happy hour, passed out before tipoffs last night, stumbled to your computer when you awoke this morning, and Razzball Basketball is your first NBA news choice, then you probably saw what BronBron did last night. I for one fully endorse the aforementioned scenario, see you at happy hour after work! LeBron went bob-bonkers on the bob-Bobcats for 61 points shooting 22-33, 8-10 from deep, and 9-12 from the stripe. Chipped in 7 boards and 5 dimes on top of it. The gap Kevin Durant had over King James is slowly deteriorating as MaskBron is taking over Gotham City. Now, it did help that there was no Dwyane Wade (not that it would’ve made that much of a difference), but KD is still your numero uno. Twin towers! I bet 50% of fantasy H2H title matchups will pit LeBron vs. KD. Fantasy basketball is too top heavy followed by a bunch of bastard children. It’s turning into Shawn Kemp! Zing! Here’s what else I saw last night in NBA action:Please, blog, may I have some more?