Upon occasion – especially while watching the Wizards – I think to myself, “Self? You could do better than these guys, right? Sure, you’re not as tall as most of these guys and you have trouble going to your left, you tend to get wheezy after just a couple laps up the court, your sweat makes people not want to talk to you, you choke on the gum you’re chewing 3/4 of the possessions, and your on-court communication consists mostly of reciting lines from ‘White Men Can’t Jump,’ but still, the Wizards are awful.” Now I know you think it’s weird that I address myself as Self, but if I didn’t do that how would I know who I’m talking to?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Trailing hot on the heels of yesterday’s Manu news (Manunus!) that he will be watching basketball from incredibly fantastic courtside seats for the next two months while wearing a $5,000 suit like the rest of us insanely wealthy society folk, comes the follow-up jab-cross-jab-hammer combo that Memphis forward Zach Randolph is also out a couple months with a slight tear in his knee.

Please, blog, may I have some more?