Twas the first night of the playoffs, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even Eddie House. Wait, I can’t rhyme house and House. At least I would think not, I tried to tell my buddies who listen to rap that Rick Ross’ “Everyday I’m Hustlin” is lazy because he rhymes Atlantic with Atlantic. “But they are different uses of Atlantic!” Pssssh. Wow, way off track. The playoff brackets were hung on the league sites with care, all in hopes St. Terrence Jones would be there. And be there he was! “Stop it with all the Christmas shizz, it’s March already!” Don’t start a war on Christmas with me, intolerable commenter! Dwight Howard was a late scratch with an ankle, and while we all know TJones starts anyway, it opened a bigger void for the TJ. TJ Entered the Void. Lots of minutes for the TJ. 38 in fact, for 30/5/1/1/4 hitting three treys and not having a single TO. Now, before you go crazy sauce on me, remember this was against a defending force of Marvin Williams and Enes Kanter. Jones got whatever he wanted. The Jazz were singing to him like Selena Gomez. Oh man, wow, sad that I know that… Anyway, Dwight will be back for the Rox next game on Thursday and I’m not ready to snatch up TJ really any differently that I was before. We all know his upside and the situation was ripe – this was against a terrible team and an influx of minutes from a last second scratch. I think TJ could easily disappoint his next few given his sparse usage when Dwight returns. Here’s what else I saw last night in fantasy hoops:Please, blog, may I have some more?
When the mythical beast of the Goromotaro was awakened, we’ve seen very few bigs able to top the 20/20 plateau. It’s what hindsight is! Then Anthony Davis goes out and drops a 40-burger topped with multi-cat sauce. “Welcome to King Burger where you can have it your way but don’t get crazy!” Brow went too crazy! 40/21/3/1/3. Sassy. Almost a rainbow, definitely a Goromotaro, and certainly spiking the Brow value into probably the 3rd pick next year. I said early on in the year I’d go top-5, but he’s locked in the three hole now. You can set it and forget it. Plus he’s a redonk 29 for his last 29 at the stripe. Just so valuable that one of the big Boards-N-Blocks can actually hit free throws. So in drafts next year, you can pass on Andre Drummond and DeAndre Jordan later on. Plus you won’t be looking at your roster and taunting it like Katt Williams when pulled over by Shaq. “No – could you hit a free throw!” Here’s what else I saw over the weekend:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The injury bug hath claimed another victim, with LaMarcus Aldridge suffering a tough fall in San Antonio on his lower back/coccyx. What are you doing to us fantasy gods?! While reports right now is it was only a lower back contusion, you never want to hear “needed a wheelchair to get around the arena.” Unless you’re Professor X! Yikes. As Slim is putting out early this afternoon, the Blazers have a mammoth of a 5-week slate coming up in the second week of the playoffs. So if you’re an Aldridge owner, I would just thank my blessings, or count my lucky stars, or something like that, if L.A. can indeed give you all five of those. In the immediacy, Thomas Robinson looks like an interesting pickup for some flashy upside. “Oh camon JB, Thomas Robinson again!?” Yup! And I said it last time and he had a 14/18/2/0/2 in there! I serious doubt Aldridge will suit up again this week, giving T-Rob some serious run. We’ll obviously get some more detailed updates throughout the day, so sacrifice a shot of rum to Jobu, or rub your bunions against the carpet, whatever you do to appease the fantasy gods to get a healthy Aldridge back for the postseason. Here’s what else went down in fantasy action:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Razzball Nation! We’re here on a special weekend wrap-up where Slim (this is JB speaking) got to the action and JB just snuck in the beginning. And snuck in the end! I’m like Brad Pitt at the Oscars. “Wait, why is he winning best picture! So confused right now…” Tomorrow I’ll proudly illustrate what I did over the weekend, but a nice defining touch hoops-wise was another great one from my boy Mike Scott, who while posting great lines, isn’t helping the Hawks win… And that’s a problem! Especially with Paul Millsap assumedly back sometime soon this week. But I thought Gravity mighta gotten best picture too! After a really rough send-off last Monday, went bonkers on the Suns for 20/5/2/3/0 with three treys and not a single TO. I bet Philly sports fans wish they had no TO. BOOM! Double sports joke. The main number that got my emoji tats all excited was the 40 mins played. Millsap is going to travel with the Hawks as they migrate on a 5-game road trip, but very easily could miss the first few making Scott a solid short-term add. So beam him aboard, win a big week as we near playoff time, and don’t forget to yell over the music if those pompous mf#@*$ng PA guys at the Oscars wanna condescend you by playing the music. And here’s Slim with what he saw over the weekend:Please, blog, may I have some more?
And we’re back baby! The All-Star break in Nawleans has come and gone, with a disappointing dunk contest, no bounce passes in the skills contest (yeah, what was up with that Prez?!) and All-Star jerseys that made the finale look like an adult rec league game on a Thursday night. “Help, I think Stanley has a hernia!” I was constantly thinking to myself about the Major League quote, but the opposite. Brian Scalabrine or Matt Bonner coming into their first practice with sleeves and a hat on, and their coaches were like, “We don’t wear caps and sleeves at this level son!” Sure made that coach look stupid on Sunday night! And if you’re a Cleveland fan, you’ve got to be thinking, “Crikey wtf is going on!?” after seeing Kyrie Irving and Dion Waiters go off in their respective ASB games over the weekend. Then to see neither of them do anything against the 76ers last night! To be fair, the Cavs let their scrubs do all their damage in a blowout. So I guess if Cavs are thinking crikey, Philly fans are thinking, “if we don’t win 20 games this year, I’m giving up cheesesteaks!” Drastic? Probably. Be liking asking me to give up that delicious BBQ. Now I’m all sorts of hungry… How did this get into food? Let’s just dive right in to last night’s return to action, like how you’d dive into an all-you-can-eat Southern food buffet with mac & cheese, hush puppies, chopped BBQ, whole BBQ, biscuits & gravy, and then, and then…:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I might be making this up, but doesn’t Denver play the Flavor Flav “Yeah Boy!” when Randy Foye hits a three? Well I hope they do! After a brutal Super Bowl for the Broncos (and America), the Denver populous got some slight redemption with Foye hitting this buzzer-beater last night. Sportscenter! But even with that game-winner, Foye had a rainbow flirt of 14/7/4/1/2. That’s not ThrAGNOF! Even with Ty Lawson back, Foye is rackin’ up multi-cat!? I haven’t been a big Foye fan for shallower leagues this year – I thought he was constantly overvalued – but getting 16 dimes in his previous game then a nice all-around line last night with Ty-Ty back; I think I’m a little more a believer. Sure it’s only one game against a fast-paced Clippers team, but 40+ minutes yet again last night and now in three straight games and Foye is looking pretty locked in for good value right now. Owned in 57% of Yahoo leagues seems a little thin. Show ya Foye a little Flavor of Love. Here’s what else I saw last night in NBA action:Please, blog, may I have some more?
If you have been stashing (or if you’re Grey, staching) Marc Gasol on your roster, you were feeling some Good Vibrations last night! Less because of the production, but more with the early arrival and fantasy goodness. And that good-ol Gasol Wildside. Now, I may be too young to remember Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch, but I am old enough to [barely] remember when Gasol went down that I said he was a hold in all formats. You may be saying “no duh!”, but he was dropped in several shallower leagues by those darned knee-jerkers. But as we talked about in the comments earlier this week, I see Gasol getting eased in and a tad rusty the first few games, but then back to a beast. 3-7 for 12/4/1 and 6-8 at the stripe last night. You’ll take that from a guy you’ve stashed! The Thunder tried to rough him up and it didn’t work. Only 24:12 on the court, but the one assist he had was vintage Gasol and should leave you feeling dandy from this point on. And props to Prodders for breaking the news and hopefully you got him in your line-up. Our comments save lives! New Razzball bumper sticker. Here’s what else I saw last night in Fantasy Hoops:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’ve got a great idea for a horror movie. This giant dude with a disheveled afro walks into various fast-food franchises and just stomps on everyone and gives them sub-90 sanitation grades. We’ll call it, “Andrew Bynum: Franchise Killer!” Dum, domp, dumb! Aka, the sounds Bynum makes when he talks. Oh man, Cleveland hasn’t been this happy since the Cavs beat LeBron and the Heat a couple years ago in Cleveland. And all this does for Bynum is get him moved to another team so he can be waived for a salary dump. I wish I dumped salary! No not celery! Anyway, the Bulls shipped off Luol Deng in their own celery dump (too many Chicago dogs) to Cleveland, while receiving some draft picks in full rebuild mode. Hey, if they don’t make the playoffs then no one has to berate Derrick Rose about his knee! What was Rose thinking saying he might try to come back… I’ve never been a big Deng fan, perils of being in tar heel country, and moving to a team with a lot of shooters (Kyrie Irving) and ball hogs (Kyrie Irving), I think Deng’s fantasy value takes a hit. Sure Deng still played well with a healthy Rose, but it’s just not a situation where I see Deng being as solid a fantasy guy with C.J. Miles and Dion Waiters also shoot first guys on the wing. And you can kiss the 7 boards a game goodbye with Tristan Thompson and Anderson Varejao pullin’ em down. I wouldn’t panic and give Deng away, but that’s just my take. Here’s what else I saw from last night in fantasy basketball:Please, blog, may I have some more?
PGs depth suddenly overfloweth from the wire, with a lot of guys on their choppers… chopping(?) their way onto fantasy squads. Listen, I would make some sort of better parallel with that show, but I haven’t gotten to it yet. Takes a lot of effort to plow through a show! I friggin’ had to stop the new Arrested Development in season 4. Yikes. And speaking of arrested development, the Clips sure got a buster when Chris Paul went down with a separated shoulder Friday night, and through a series of updates will be out “up to six weeks.” The trainer asked Paul if he was filing for divorce with his shoulder, but nah, just separated. Huge blow to the Clippers, but it was a “rush to your nearest internet device” moment for fantasy owners to add Darren Collison. On Friday night, in JB’s RCL 2 I missed out, then when deciding who to drop for him in RCL 1, I missed him by about 10 seconds. Thank’s a lot Your Mom Says Hi! A Hill ‘O Beans bout to be refried! Yeah, terrible smack talk, I know… If you’re not checking out the comments every night, all sorts of updates get fantasy spins throughout the evening, like El Burro breaking the news while watching his Clips’ title hopes get separated. I like Collison a lot, and unless you singularly need assists, I like him over the other big breakout PG from the weekend. I think he gives you 16/3/6/2 a game until Paul is done with marriage counseling. The 35 minutes he’ll play a night should make those numbers pretty realistic. Here’s what else I saw over the weekend in hoops action:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Well, Andrew Bynum is Mr. Glass too… But the other way! And he’s also Mr. Franchise Killer, as the Cavs had to suspend him just to get him to stay out of the stadium. “Hey Andrew, leave the HurryCane at home today, we don’t wanna keep paying the stadium workers to put down the handicap ramps!” Just saves money across the board. Once Bynum gets waived, I think even Obama will be shaking his head at Bynum’s healthcare bills. Anyway, the obvious benefactor to that whole mess is Anderson Varejao, who after his dominating 18/25 game last night has double-digit boards in 4 of the last 5. Varejao was cleaning up the glass like he was the Unbreakable one! The leading rebounder in the NBA last year before he got hurt (at a ridiculous 14.4 a game), Varejao should be a monster in 2014. Although it does help when Nikola Vucevic is hurt and the starting center against you is Jason Maxiell. Hell, I coulda had a double double against them last night! And I don’t even have Jerry Curls! Here’s what else I saw last night across the NBA:Please, blog, may I have some more?