Some big games last night!  Easily the most fun Tuesday we’ve had on the young season.  Twas a… Ruby Tuesday?  There’s really no good Tuesday references… Have you ever thought about how much Tuesday sucks?  There’s nothing interesting at all about Tuesday!  Tuesday is just a lost day… Except let’s hope you were able to watch some hoops action, as this Tuesday was a big one!

And none bigger than LaMarcus Aldridge torching Denver, putting up 39 Pts on 16-30 shooting.  What’s hilarious about his 39/11/1/0/2 line is that one assist was a high-low pass to the awful Robin Lopez for the game-winning layup with one second left.  Surprised Lopez didn’t botch it!  When you have Sonic the Hedgehog as your haircut, it’s got to be distracting… L.A. with all that production with no TO and 7-9 FT is showing us why he’s boring, but reliable as a second-round fantasy producer.  It’s easy to miss the solid volume FT% and if he gets that 3-pointer dropping like the 0.5 he’s bringing this year – a new development for L.A. – it’s icing on the cake.  Mostly this whole open was just to highlight I’m up 3-0 on Slim in our 30-point challenge!  Even after his slimy Kevin Durant pick.  Slimy, I say!  I think Aldridge has moved into that top 13 or 14 overall, with double-digit boards in six straight bringing those rebounds closer to the 11.1 we saw last year.  If he can avoid any injuries, he’ll be a premiere day of the week, like Friday or something.  No one wants to be a dud like Tuesday, which more than suitably personifies Robin Lopez.  Henceforth, I will now call Tuesdays “Robin Lopez Day”.  Here’s some other happenings that went on across the NBA on Robin Lopez Day:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Boy is the Kikkoman Juice (less sodium) flowing!

With Tony Wroten out with a knee injury (banged it against a barrel of turnovers), it’s given Brett Brown a bitch slap of sanity to run K.J. McDaniels like he deserves minutes.  Who else is there to even play, Eric Snow?!  McDaniels hadn’t played 30 minutes in a game this year, until surpassing that mark the past three games including a swashbuckler against the Spurs last night.  Getting rainbows that have golden arcs bigger than McDowell’s with a 10/9/2/3/2 line last night, after 21/13/1/1/2 & 18/6/1/0/1 in this latest minutes explosion the last three 76ers games losses.  While he’s playing better than I imagined, there’s still minutes for Wroten when he gets healthy, so I’m not ready to put all my Kookaburra eggs in my Kookaburra juice carton.  Worth owning in all leagues right now while getting the PT, but if he’s back down to 20 minutes when Wroten is healthy and T-Wrote plays his trademarked brickfest game (Wroten plays Tetris!), I’m fine moving on.  So for now, pour that sweet sweet kabob juice all over your line-up!  Here’s what else went down last night in fantasy hoops:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

One of the reasons I’m spotlighting Giannis Antetokounmpo is because I love his game, view him as a poor man’s Kawhi Leonard, and have visions of him blossoming this year if Jason Kidd stops doing his best Larry Drew impersonation.

Although he’s starting to fill the stat sheet with regularity, he’s still a highlight waiting to happen and we can’t overlook his overall entertainment value. Case in point: The play last weekend where he covered half the court in one move against the Pistons. Was it a walk? Probably. Did it look badass? You bet your Mokeski it did.

But the real reason is for the betterment of humanity and Giannis himself. Has there ever been an athlete’s name that was more difficult to pronounce? It’s so bad that he was smacked with a nickname (The Alphabet) the second he was drafted because people were too lazy to look up how to say his name.

Even after a whole year in the league no one knows how to say it, players, coaches and announcers included.

So here it is:

Yee-an-es Ant-tet-toh-koomp-oh.

You can also hear Antetokounmpo say it the right way, and his teammates say it the wrong way, in this hilarious video.

Never say it wrong again. Especially if you ask someone in your league to trade him to you in person or on the phone.

Here’s some more wing-a-ding-dings:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Slam Dunk Contest winners scare me.

There’s pretty much no in between with these dudes. Other than, say, Nate Robinson, they’re either future all-stars or total duds. For every Michael Jordan there’s a Harold Miner. For every Kobe Bryant there’s a Fred Jones. For every Dominque Wilkins, there’s a Brent Barry.

And then there’s Gerald Green, who is definitely not an NBA jobber, but is not quite an all-star yet. Not really sure if he ever will be, and what scares me most is that while he was a pretty awesome dunker, he’ll always be known as a gimmick dunker for his Birthday Cake Dunk. And being a gimmick dunker is kind of like being a gimmick wrestler on the order of Koko B. Ware or the Gobbledy Gooker.

In a way, it would be interesting if Green never was an all-star, because he wouldn’t be the first 6-7-ish wing sixth man for the Suns who can run the floor, shoot from distance, was on the same team as Jeff Hornacek and never made the All-Star Team.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“Hey Kobe, I’m open, I’m open!”  That’s every Laker…

Despite the plausibility that the Lakers are a real NBA team, they once again proved the contrary with yet another blowout loss.  Well, I guess they’ve been in some games, but c’mon!  Kobe Bryant is trying to do everything himself, like an asexual chronic masturbator.  15-34 FG last night (3-12 3PTM 11-16 FT) for 44/5/3/0/0.  After a 1-14 brickhouse Friday night, that’s a 16-48 weekend (33%).  At least Sunday was good!  Ish.  Most concerning are those treys, going 3-17 from deep in both games.  He’s never been a good three-point shooter, especially the past four years.  Glasses anyone?   Russell Westbrook has got a guy…

As I’m sure Kobe would appreciate to no end, I have a comp for him.  Dwight Howard.  Hah!  Mostly kidding, but Kobe is Dwight-ing (new adjective) your FG%.  In H2H it’s not a paramount concern, but in Roto it’s getting scary.  I don’t know what you do about it except try to trade Kobe high to a team at the top of your FG% standings.  Then let Kobe and that ridiculous volume sink them like the whole Purple and Gold franchise.  I keed of course!  There’s just nothing there.  Like hairs on Carlos Boozers‘ head or anatomy on Ken’s crotch.  Kobe vs. NO tonight, 5-on-1!  Here’s what else went down over the weekend in fantasy basketball action:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Sorry if today’s update is a little light on jokes, as I had to sit through the ultimate joke – my Panthers playing football.  Cam Newton looks more injured than the Thunder and the offensive line tanked worse than the 76ers.  Buzz’s girlfriend, WOOF!

Anthony Davis is good at basketball.  LeBron James can still get triple doubles.  Eh, there you go, open over.

 

 

 

Just kidding, but the level of ball Davis is playing right now is ridiculous, with my eyebrow raised off of my forehead like I’m a South Park cartoon.  And he’s doing it while being a boss with his %s.  27/14/4/3/4 last night in a near double-rainbow, while shooting 12-21 FG, 3-4 FT, and count em, even fewer TO than Davis has eyebrows, not a single giveaway.  I mean, the Panthers took two plays to have more turnovers than Davis last night…

Not to be overshadowed, LeBron tripdubbed for 32/12/10/1/1.  This game was redonkulous!  Key word on donk, as lots of that was being thrown around.  LeBron did have 4 TO, so advantage Brow!  According to Basketball Monster, Davis’ per-game value is on pace to obliterate the best per-game season since their system launched in 2005-06 with Kevin Durant‘s 2012-13 second best (looking at those, man I forgot how awesome Shawn Marion was!).  We need Rudy to build a best fantasy seasons of all time Sporcle!  While the times are a-changin’, just be happy if you got Brow, since I couldn’t anywhere.  Panthers suck, I see these lines from Brow even though I was in a big minority having him #1 overall… I will be drinking my Crown & Cokes for the duration of this article.  Here’s what else went down in hoops action last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

When I was a kid, I could tell the difference between a name brand and an off-brand cereal instantly.

I knew when my parents tried to cheap out and pass off Puffy Choco-Balls as Coco Puffs or Fruity Dino Bites as Fruity Pebbles. I didn’t even need to put the spoon in my mouth to realize that it was Tasty Silly Trinkets, not Lucky Charms, sitting before me in a sea of milk.

So if I plugged Kevin Martin in where Klay Thompson sat on your fantasy roster, would you know the difference?

MARTINKLAY

If you were in a keeper league, yes, of course. You’d be pissed because I swapped a 24-year-old young buck with a 31-year-old injury risk. But in a normal league, you might notice a slight drop-off in quality, but you’d probably just keep plowing ahead like I do now when I eat the Smack Yo Mamas I bought for my kids instead of Sugar Smacks.

This argument looked a lot better before both guys put up absolute duds on Saturday night, but Thompson’s hand injury sort of balances it out. So bear with me.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Ok. I’m never beating Rabbit in a freestyle battle with rhyming skills like in my title, I know.  Maybe my Dad was right, it’s time to hang up the mic for good, it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere, but Parents just don’t understand. My hip-hop name was MC Ice Trey. Booking the YMCA rec room on seniors discount day to perform my edgy, in-yo-face raps was a disaster, and yet it was the height of my career. Who knew the Canasta league would be filled with so much rage? Still, I like to think I spit the truth to that old white group.

So, maybe I don’t know how to flow, but I do know how to dribble and dime, amirite? That’s not true, either. I’m a 2 dribble max, pick and pop player, at best. What you CAN take to the bank is that there is fantasy fools gold glittering in them thar hills, and you gotta know when you have itI was never on the Caron Butler bus, which appears to have been a very quick bus route, so I’m not exactly revealing any nuggets here. That said, I’m still high on Jonas Valanciunas, as I said in my “bold predicitions” article, despite his minor injury currently. What I’m saying here, gentle reader, is that some players who look dope early on are the fantasy equivalent of “good from far, far from good” types (Butler), while others are starting slow, but have much more to offer you, the type you bring home to your Nonna/Bubby/Gram Grams (JV). What’s our mantra here? Buy low, sell high, chikka chikka, what?? (my written imagery of record scratches right there). So throw yo hands in the air, and wave ‘em like you just don’t care, and if you wanna learn who to buy and sell, somebody say: “Oh yeah!!” Sorry. I’ll cut that out.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

You might as well set up a Civil War style triage on the Thunder bench, because somebody has the team set of Thunder voodoo dolls and isn’t wasting any time!  Adding to this virtually unprecedented injury wave to hit an NBA team through only week one of the season, Perry Jones knocked knees for the second game in a row; this time in a ton of pain and had to exit.  They say a picture is worth a thousand words, so check out the Thunder depth chart on Rotoworld, where the red S means sidelined:

Oklahoma City Thunder Depth Chart

Oklahoma City Red S-es!  And while a “knee contusion” usually wouldn’t worry me too much, George Hill had the same deal and he’s going to be out until late-November is sounds…

On the plus side, Serge Ibaka is absolutely en fuego out there.  25/11/2/0/1 and forced to take contested jumpers the whole night, but hit 11-14 including three treys.  And played 46 minutes out of desperation!  The blocks will come, so if you got Serge late round 1 (like we had him) or round 2, you’ve got something of your own surging in your pants.

On the negative side, Reggie Jackson is playing with some ill-advised reckless abandon.  I mean, give the kid some props for playing through numerous injuries last night, but he ended up with his butt on the hardwood more often then Paris Hilton.  Had a fantastic slash of 13/4/14 but hurt his wrist limiting him to 4-14 FG (0-6 3PTM).  Plus the ankle still looks gimpy.  I know the upside is immense the next month, but I might try to sell RJax high after watching this game.  It was like watching Denard Robinson at Michigan.  I’m not a huge college football fan, but my dad went there and I watch parts of most games, and Shoelace is still the most dynamic player I’ve ever seen in Maize & Blue.  But he seemed to leave early almost every game, getting battered and beaten up.

The Thunder need to do everything and anything to get healthy, with three straight off days until Friday.  My recommendations include – every player eating a live octopus chasing it with raw eggs, hiring the Wolverine (Jackman, not Denard) for some mutant healing blood, and calling Mrs. Cleo to figure out which guy will be hurt on Friday and benching him.  Here’s what else went down last night in fantasy action:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t listen to country music…  I don’t listen to that emo we talked about last Friday anymore either… This is quickly turning into JB’s music blog (I’ll always shoot anyone some recommendations if you want rock/shoegaze/ambient stuff!  Flip side to Grey’s rapcoin!)…

Anyway, I googled The Band Perry, because well, I know that they’re something popular, and the first image looks like some hot chick standing in front of two of the Stark ninnies from Game of Thrones.  Which would be a pretty apt way to think about the Thunder a mere month ago.  Kevin Durant & Russell Westbrook standing in front of some ninnies.  Don’t get me wrong, RJax and Lurch are some exciting young talent, but I preach da truff!  Then the injury bug swept the Thunder locker room more aggressively than Ebola media coverage (I would say just Ebola, but even THAT isn’t spreading as fast…), and everyone is hurt.  With all that offense recovering and enjoying painkiller prescriptions, somebody was bound to step up.  And why not the talented Perry Jones, who I compared in his first mention last year to James Johnson – multi-cat with 3s.  I knew the tags would help me!  Click on a player name on the bottom of the article there and you get every article that dude was mentioned…  Focus!  After that huge 32/7/3 breakout last Thursday night, encored it with 23/4/2/2/0 Saturday shooting 9-18 with three treys in a whopping 41 minutes.  While his rest of season outlook remains a little murky when the rest of Perry’s cast of Friends return, he’s an obvious must-add for the short term.  Another big week, and you can sell him faster than a Courtney Cox sitcom about boning cougars.  Here’s what else went down over the weekend in fantasy basketball action:

Please, blog, may I have some more?