There comes a time in every man’s life when he must admit defeat.  Like when your girlfriend demands to know why you can’t just remember to put the toilet seat down.  You can try to explain to her that the house is haunted and you would never be so inconsiderate.  From experience I must say its not as convincing as it sounds in your head.  The only correct response is to hang your head in shame and say, “I’m sorry”.  Older bench players like Mo Williams and Nate Robinson are my toilet seats.  I can’t seem to put them down and I will undoubtedly hang my head in shame when I do finally drop them.  Why not skip that uncomfortable feeling all together?  Why not take an unknown player who may blossom into a fantasy star?  Here are a couple of bigs that I believe will outperform players like Omer Asik (63% owned), Samuel Dalembert (52% owned), and Luis Scola (42% owned).

Please, blog, may I have some more?

A long time ago in a galaxy far far away…  Is that too cliché?  Yeah it is, but there’s a point.  You knew where it came from as soon as you read it.  You can hear the soundtrack playing in your head.  Well, now that I said it you can hear it.  There’s even a chance you might remember the first time you saw it.  That’s what drafting LeBron James feels like.  It’s a smell in the air, a taste in the back of your throat that tells you there’s something familiar here.  The nurturing feeling of resting against LeBron’s bosom.  Ahh…  Hold me LeBron.  That’s not what this series is going to be about.  This here is akin to trying to remember the first time you saw Spaceballs.  Sure it’s a classic, but we both know you weren’t in the right state of mind to remember the first time you watched any Mel Brooks movie.  Am I right or am I right?  I can hear your silence loud and clear.

Let’s all now jump into our Delorean, Phone Booth, Hot Tub or whatever your time machine of choice is and travel back to last October.  There was something with very large fantasy implications happening in Houston.  It was not the trade for James Harden.  I’m talking about the position battle at SF between Carlos Delfino and Chandler Parsons.  If you would have chosen wisely then you would have gotten the closest thing I can imagine to the fantasy holy grail.  A top 50 player at the low low cost of a free agent pick up, even in the deepest of leagues.  This will be my gift to you.  No, not this overpriced knockoff but the next best thing.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

This team led the league in blocked shots per game in three of the last four seasons, and was second in the one that it didn’t.

This team also finished in the Top 6 in rebounding in the last four years.

Who is this team? Without cheating and looking at a stats site you’d have to guess the Lakers, with Dwight Howard, or a defensively minded team like the Spurs, with Tim Duncan leading the block-n-board bash, or Da Bulls, with high-end Crafty Breuer Joakim Noah, his pony tail and the other dudes swatting shots and grabbing clankers.

Nope, nope and nope. It’s the Oklahoma City Thunder, a team that – despite having blocks leader Serge Ibaka (3.0 bpg) in the hizzouse – just doesn’t pop into your mind as a team that would pile up a mound of boards and blocks. We see Kevin Durant blowing guys away on the break and rising up for those improbable three-ball makes, and we see Russell Westbrook somehow getting to the cup and somehow getting it to go.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Bonjour all, tis I, Tehol Beddict, and I come back to you a new man. A better man. I’m sure many of you sent in hand written letters, filled with panic and despair over my abrupt disappearance , and your fears were justified as my journey almost turned perilous on multiple occasions. Trust that I knew the job was dangerous when I took it, for mankini modeling can turn deadly at any given moment as many a she-male lurk on the stunningly beautiful island that’s known as Bora Bora.

Before my tale involving the treacherous she-males occurred I spent my time off camera helping induce pregnant dolphins into labor, rescuing sea turtles from fish nets, thatching roofs destroyed by a recent hurricane, trying to impregnate a village chief’s daughter and digging a well for the thirsty locals. Yes, Tehol Beddict is a philanthropist  as well as being a scholar, poet, mankini model, and a writer. It’s true I wear many hats, but among those is never a jimmy, luckily for the Chieftan’s daughter, who I can now proudly say is expecting come winter.

When saving baby sea creatures one must be wary of the poisonous sea urchin as the only way to stop the pain is by peeing on the wound. Giving golden showers to tourists is now one of my greatest passions after this trip.  I shall never forget the joy of easing a tourist’s pain by blasting his face with a powerful stream of urine. You must be precise in these matters and my aim stuck true. The locals worshipped me for these feats and told me they had only read about piss with such potency in tales about the Gods they worshipped thousands of years ago before they were overtaken by the pious French. But this is a tale for another day my friends for I did battle with some of the most powerful she-males of Bora Bora , nearly losing my life in the process, and that story takes precedence.

Please, blog, may I have some more?