Sooooo… Last night just happened.  It was the wildest night of fantasy hoops that I could ever remember.  Sure my memory isn’t exactly like Ken Jennings, but yea… Definitely going to break the “what the hey?!” record!  The Fantasy Basketball world just stood still.  It was just like the remake of The Day The Earth Stood Still.  Is that Keanu Reeves?  What is Jaden Smith doing here?  Wait, is this an actual plot?  There’s just too much crazy to care about these special effects!  There were like, a million three pointers last night.  Tony Wroten had a triple double.  Ok, who had Wroten in the triple-double pool?  I think if you had bet on that in Vegas you coulda turned a dollar into owning the state of Nevada.  18/10/11 while shooting 7-18.  A lot of Philly stats got boosted by the Rockets pace, and if you hadn’t heard yet, Michael Carter-Williams was a very late scratch with a sore foot.  What are they feeding these guards in Philly?  I think it’s obvious that to be a good NBA PG you must diet solely on cheesesteaks.  But enough meandering, let’s go straight into the nitty gritty, the CGI effects if you will, for the reason why you’re here:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Well… Larry Sanders hasn’t had the best few weeks…  The Colonel held his injuries from the field surgeon just long enough to keep hope alive in his troops, but had to undergo the knife to repair his thumb and will be out 6 weeks.  Was it from a punch, the champagne bottle, or just getting too close in the delivery room?  No one will ever know.  Talk about easily the biggest fantasy bust this season thus far.  With no IR spot, drop this dude.  Zaza Pachulia is now a big pickup for anyone needing big man stats.  Za/Za is such a good Scrabble play!  Definitely a go-to for 60+ point moves on the triples.  If you have the cajones to challenge me in Words With Friends, hit me up (user ID: Jbronze).  But if I smell any Word Gen, I’ma publicly smite you!  Oh yeah, hoops, John Henson gets a big boost as well looking at consistent run.  But beware Henson’s terrible FT shooting and prepare thusly.  Speaking of thusly, herebe the NBA beings-all I saw last fortnight (wait, doesn’t that mean like 20 days ago?  Eh you know what I meant):

Please, blog, may I have some more?

As an ancient proverb goes – “I’d like to introduce you to an old friend and a new friend.”  Ok, so I made that up.  But it sounds good!

For an old friend I’ve mentioned a few times and pumped up in my last rankings update before the season started up, my boy Omri Casspi had another solid outing last night that probably was under the radar.  In 24 minutes, he went 7/8/5 with no turnovers, 2-4 from the field and 3-4 from the line.  He just looks awesome every time I see him play.  Did you know he was the first Israeli to play in the NBA?  He’s pretty much Chandler Parsons but with Chandler Parsons in his way.  After a ho-hum first two games, his past two have been fantastic – and this last one without hitting a three which is a big part of his game.  Not necessarily a must own in 12-teamers, but definitely worth a look, and needs to be grabbed in 14+.

Then my new friend - Gal Mekel on the Mavericks.  You’re like, “who the eff is Gal Mekel?  I thought this was NBA not WNBA!”  Mekel was signed to a three-year deal by the Mavs this offseason, and became the second Israeli to join the NBA.  Cut to Amar’e Stoudemire going, “Hey, I should count!”  With Shane Larkin dealing with an ankle injury, and no Devin Harris for a while, Mekel is getting full-on backup PG run and playing well doing it.  He got his 2nd 6 assist game last night going 9/4/6 and hitting a 3.  Sure some run was in junk time, but with the oft-injured Jose Calderon the only one ahead of him (hasn’t played in over 68 games since 2007), Mekel could find his way into starts.  Of course, now I’ve ruined my play on him in the REL League.  Let’s just hope no one in that league is reading!  Here’s what else I saw last night in fantasy hoops:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Man, what a huge night it was across the NBA with nearly every team in action.  It obviously all starts with the shocker Philly put on the Heat, and Michael Carter-Williams‘ unreal debut.  I was following with my co-workers during the game and tweeted that if he got a triple-double in his first NBA game, the universe would implode.  Thankfully MCW was a steal short and we’re all still here.  His final line of 6-10 (4-6 3PTM 6-8 FT) 22 Pts 7 Rebs 12 Asts and 9 Stls might actually win some owners their matchups this week on its own.  Just preposterous.  Most steals in NBA history in a player’s debut.  Ok before we all go nutso, remember the Heat played without Dwayne Wade (rest), don’t have a PG, and had all their hands weighed down with new championship rings.  So that’s not really an excuse, but so what?!  The shooting efficiency was fantastic (the biggest knock on him coming into the year), plus he had only one turnover (his second main knock).  “Nice knockers!”  Thanks Young Frankenstein!  MCW indeed moves up a fair bit in value in my eyes, but this is likely his best line on the year.  MCW was wildly inconsistent in college and I don’t expect much consistency on a terrible 76ers team (I know they just beat the Heat, but c’mon).  Look for John Wall to lock him up on Friday and cool the hype.  Despite inconsistencies, it goes without saying that MCW should be owned in all leagues now (78% Yahoo, 59.4% ESPN), so if for some reason he’s available in your league, you gotta get him.  I’m not expecting MCW to be an elite player, but will continue to contribute even in down games.  Here’s what else I saw across Fantasy Basketball last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Jeff Foxworthy here. Now I’m about to tell a few funnies about a basketball team up the coast from me in North Carolina. Settle in and enjoy the funnies, folks.

When the T-n-A of the Lady Cats is the first image you flash on your website, you might be a crappy NBA franchise.

When the best news of your offseason is that you’re changing the name of your team back to the Hornets, to recall the “glory years” of Larry Johnson, Alonzo Mourning and Kendall Gill (best finish ever: 2nd round of playoffs [editor/Charlotte native's note - way to rub it in Pete!]), you might be a crappy NBA franchise.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’m nothing if not unique.  I think that was on Dennis Rodman’s tombstone.  What?  He’s still alive?  Kim-Jong Un didn’t secretly get annoyed by him and send a hit squad?

Since taking over the rundowns and general Razzball Basketball reigns, I have been thrusting my new terms into the void that is the lack of new Razzball catch phrases for the basketball side.  Have you seen Enter The Void?  Yea it’s like that.  Here’s some phrases that will always be added to, never limited to, and always changing:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Duh-duh-duh-duhhhh.  Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh!  Mandatory to listen to this while reading.

It’s the final day of the regular season!  If you’re reading you’re probably in your league championship or you’re awesome and keeping up with fantasy for next season.  I’ll be starting to do some offseason work next week, and probably start formulating the Razzball rankings for the 2013-2014 season.

But for those of you in your championships, it’s the final countdown.  One last day of a full roster to either snag that roto title or beat that douche who always changes his league smack or motto to something he finds funny about how good one of his players did.  We get it, “Luis Scola’d your nuts last night.”  Time to put him away.

Here’s some story lines to keep in mind and players out there to consider with a little recap of last night sprinkled in:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Against the terrible Bobcats and with everyone on the Knicks benched, Chris Copeland just went off.  He’s always been a scorer, but made the Bobcats wish they had this guy starting all year instead of playing inconsistent minutes for the Knickerbockers.  Copeland went 12-25 (4-8 3PTM) for 32 Pts 7 Rebs 2 Asts and 1 Stl.  He played all but 1 minute of this game with all your New York regulars sitting this one out.  I think he’s a must start in Wednesday’s finale.

The end of the NBA regular season is always rife with crazy games like this.  So I’m going to try and hit on all the guys that can make an impact for you tonight as streamers and Wednesday:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

If you’re like me, you’re afflicted with the “March Madness”. And you love it. It consumes your every thought, much like the image of Sophia Veraga and Christina Hendricks, in nighties, you know, doing sexy things to each other…

Fun fact: the busiest day for booking vasectomies is the Wednesday before the beginning of the Tournament. So the snipped one can lounge on the couch all day with a bag of frozen peas on his mutilated nethers and take in 12 hours of frenzied basketball without being bothered by his lady. True fact, look it up. What I’m getting at is although you may be in the midst of your fantasy playoffs, we’re all too occupied to watch the hours of NBA required to give in depth analysis at the moment, as I have bag of peas on my junk. Metaphorically speaking. And I expect you to be a gracious partner and leave me to my tournament, and would it kill you to make me a sandwich?

Too far? Fine, here’s a smattering of add/drops:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Shaun Livingston had another nice game Friday night with 13 points, 5 rebounds, 6 assists and 3 steals in 38 minutes. If you’re waiting for Kyrie Irving to return and save your team, you’re just as sad and depressing as every other Cavs fan and you may be disappointed. Don’t wait till its too late, any player is better than an injured player in the playoffs because injured players don’t play! Fact! Meanwhile, Shaun Livingston is just 12% owned and averaging 12.5 points, 6 assists and 3.5 rebounds in two games starting since Irving went down. He also chipped in 4 steals and a block in that span. Livingston is not a huge scorer, but he could provide decent value in some other categories and will get plenty of burn in the Cleveland back court if you are looking for a player to help down the stretch.

Here’s what else happened in fantasy basketball Friday night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?