Josh McRoberts

JB Gilpin

The Razzball Basketball Glossary

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I’m nothing if not unique.  I think that was on Dennis Rodman’s tombstone.  What?  He’s still alive?  Kim-Jong Un didn’t secretly get annoyed by him and send a hit squad?

Since taking over the rundowns and general Razzball Basketball reigns, I have been thrusting my new terms into the void that is the lack of new Razzball catch phrases for the basketball side.  Have you seen Enter The Void?  Yea it’s like that.  Here’s some phrases that will always be added to, never limited to, and always changing:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
JB Gilpin

The Final Countdown

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Duh-duh-duh-duhhhh.  Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh!  Mandatory to listen to this while reading.

It’s the final day of the regular season!  If you’re reading you’re probably in your league championship or you’re awesome and keeping up with fantasy for next season.  I’ll be starting to do some offseason work next week, and probably start formulating the Razzball rankings for the 2013-2014 season.

But for those of you in your championships, it’s the final countdown.  One last day of a full roster to either snag that roto title or beat that douche who always changes his league smack or motto to something he finds funny about how good one of his players did.  We get it, “Luis Scola’d your nuts last night.”  Time to put him away.

Here’s some story lines to keep in mind and players out there to consider with a little recap of last night sprinkled in:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
JB Gilpin

Citizen Copeland

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Against the terrible Bobcats and with everyone on the Knicks benched, Chris Copeland just went off.  He’s always been a scorer, but made the Bobcats wish they had this guy starting all year instead of playing inconsistent minutes for the Knickerbockers.  Copeland went 12-25 (4-8 3PTM) for 32 Pts 7 Rebs 2 Asts and 1 Stl.  He played all but 1 minute of this game with all your New York regulars sitting this one out.  I think he’s a must start in Wednesday’s finale.

The end of the NBA regular season is always rife with crazy games like this.  So I’m going to try and hit on all the guys that can make an impact for you tonight as streamers and Wednesday:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Dan A

Buy/Sell- No Time for Clever Titles, Go Zags!

| Fantasy Basketball Buy/Sell, Fantasy Basketball Daily Notes | 23 Comments

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If you’re like me, you’re afflicted with the “March Madness”. And you love it. It consumes your every thought, much like the image of Sophia Veraga and Christina Hendricks, in nighties, you know, doing sexy things to each other…

Fun fact: the busiest day for booking vasectomies is the Wednesday before the beginning of the Tournament. So the snipped one can lounge on the couch all day with a bag of frozen peas on his mutilated nethers and take in 12 hours of frenzied basketball without being bothered by his lady. True fact, look it up. What I’m getting at is although you may be in the midst of your fantasy playoffs, we’re all too occupied to watch the hours of NBA required to give in depth analysis at the moment, as I have bag of peas on my junk. Metaphorically speaking. And I expect you to be a gracious partner and leave me to my tournament, and would it kill you to make me a sandwich?

Too far? Fine, here’s a smattering of add/drops:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Dan Pants

Shaun Livingston the Edge

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Shaun Livingston had another nice game Friday night with 13 points, 5 rebounds, 6 assists and 3 steals in 38 minutes. If you’re waiting for Kyrie Irving to return and save your team, you’re just as sad and depressing as every other Cavs fan and you may be disappointed. Don’t wait till its too late, any player is better than an injured player in the playoffs because injured players don’t play! Fact! Meanwhile, Shaun Livingston is just 12% owned and averaging 12.5 points, 6 assists and 3.5 rebounds in two games starting since Irving went down. He also chipped in 4 steals and a block in that span. Livingston is not a huge scorer, but he could provide decent value in some other categories and will get plenty of burn in the Cleveland back court if you are looking for a player to help down the stretch.

Here’s what else happened in fantasy basketball Friday night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
JB Gilpin

Anonymous Hacks Bank Of America, Orlando Hacks Dwight Howard

| Fantasy Basketball Daily Notes | 5 Comments

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I wonder what the public opinion really is on Anonymous, the computer hacking collective… I like them, they expose top-level greed – a mix between Russell Crowe in Robin Hood and in The Insider.  OK so he wasn’t a hacker in The Insider, but did the same type thing Anonymous does.  Anonymous hacked Bank of America last month and found they were using worthless Social Media searches to profile activists and their salary information was on a server in Tel Aviv.  Say what?  I thought it was Bank of ‘Murica not Bank of Israel!  Well the Orlando Magic knew they needed some hacking to try and beat the Lakers with Dwight Howard returning to Orlando last night.  With the crowd booing Howard from the moment he stepped on the floor, the Magic tried some psychological warfare, fouling Dwight every opportunity and giving him 39 free throw attempts.  Thirty-nine!  I don’t think I’ve taken that many free throws ever.  Now imagine 15,000 fans yelling at you every time.  Dwight made 25 of em, capping a 39-16 and 3 block night in his return to O-Town.  One of the best returns to a former team in NBA history, but the Magic just plain handed him 25 of those points.  The Magic are terrible (minus Tobias Harris – read below) and the Lakers, while a soap opera, I think make the playoffs.  A good career move for Dwight.  Just hope he doesn’t store his salary on a server in Tel Aviv.

Here’s what else went down last night across the NBA:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
JB Gilpin

DeAndre Jordan Shines The Light On The Knight

| Fantasy Basketball Daily Notes | 14 Comments

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I love all fantasy sports.  Baseball might be my favorite, just because it’s so long and hard and there’s so many guys to choose from…

But there are moments, fleeting highlights and moments, that I think make Fantasy Basketball special.  Like yesterday, with DeAndre Jordan absolutely murdah-ing Brandon Knight on the alley.  If you’re on your computer, just go to ESPN or NBA.  I mean Daaaaahhhhuuuummmm.  Lots of twitters about it, but my favorite might have been from Knight himself: “It wasn’t in the scouting reports that the clippers threw lobs lol”.  Hah!  Glad to see he isn’t in a deep depression.  Makes it more fun that everyone can smile about it.  ESPN then had a top ten of posterized moments.  All the others looked like the posterizee was about to kill the posterizer.  I’m 6’7 and I got posterized once by a guy the same height, but I didn’t know he had hops.  I just smiled and went my way, and luckily everyone didn’t go nuts/it wasn’t in front of 15,000 people.  Or else I’d be more Patrick Ewing than Brandon Knight.

Fantasy-wise, Jordan is still the barely-ownable center he has been all year.  You should get a bonus for posterized dunks.  Had one of his best games of late going 5-5 13 Pts 7 Rebs 1 Ast and 2 Blks.  Been at least 7 and 5 with a block the last five.  If you need blocks plus want to be on the edge of your seat if you only watch highlights of players on your team, give Jordan a look if he’s available.

Here’s what else went down over the weekend:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
JB Gilpin

The Milwaukee Bucks Salivate Vs. Salt Lick City

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Why do deer like salt licks?  It’s one of the longest pondered mysteries in the world.  Ok, that’s not true at all after I asked Jeeves.  According to Wikipedia (I know Mrs. Hanson, I can’t use it as a source but this isn’t a research paper, bitch) “A mineral [salt] lick is natural mineral deposit where animals in nutrient-poor ecosystems can obtain essential mineral nutrients.”  Parallels!  Those poor Milwaukee Bucks were having such nutrient-poor fantasy lines and highlights of late and just needed some salt to lick.  Easy, “that’s what she said” guy (you know if you are).  The Bucks had three plays in the Sportscenter top 10!  Fantasy wise, Monta Ellis hadn’t scored 30 in 2013.  Brandon Jennings hadn’t scored more than 11 in his last four games.  J.J. Redick hadn’t scored more than 16 or hit more than 2 threes in a game for his new squad.  And Larry Sanders hadn’t… Well he’s been playing awesome, and was awesome again last night.  Let’s look at their lines and the rest of fantasy basketball’s noteworthy performances last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
JB Gilpin

NBA Trades Players, Razzball Basketball Trades Editors

| 2013 NBA Trades, Fantasy Basketball Daily Notes | 11 Comments

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Razzball Nation!!!!!!!!

If you have been around the Razzball block, you may have seen my stuff as a regular writer for Razzball Football (along with Co-Host of the Razzball Fantasy Football Podcast with @NickCapozzi) and an occasional contributor for Razzball Baseball.  If not, then I say hello Basketball world! I will be taking over the reins as the editor-in-chief for Razzball Basketball (while continuing my contributions to our other fine sports sections) and look forward to making different jokes about the same players.  Get ready for numerous Sam Cassell looks like E.T. references.

Please, blog, may I have some more?