Upon occasion – especially while watching the Wizards – I think to myself, “Self? You could do better than these guys, right? Sure, you’re not as tall as most of these guys and you have trouble going to your left, you tend to get wheezy after just a couple laps up the court, your sweat makes people not want to talk to you, you choke on the gum you’re chewing 3/4 of the possessions, and your on-court communication consists mostly of reciting lines from ‘White Men Can’t Jump,’ but still, the Wizards are awful.” Now I know you think it’s weird that I address myself as Self, but if I didn’t do that how would I know who I’m talking to?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Trailing hot on the heels of yesterday’s Manu news (Manunus!) that he will be watching basketball from incredibly fantastic courtside seats for the next two months while wearing a $5,000 suit like the rest of us insanely wealthy society folk, comes the follow-up jab-cross-jab-hammer combo that Memphis forward Zach Randolph is also out a couple months with a slight tear in his knee.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Dwyane Wade was offered a reported $2 million a month to play in China (UPDATE! No he wasn’t). Marco Belinelli is likely off to Italy. Patty Mills and Ersan Ilyasova are off to Turkey. Jordan Farmar and Trevor Booker are off to the motherland, and compromise seems off the table as Billy Hunter made the panicky power-grabby statement that he believes the entire 2011-12 season will be canceled.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

One more night. I know I’ve got a long summer filled with postseason rankings ahead of me. Not to mention keepers, sleepers, rookies, lockout news, more lockout news, Ron Artest-is-bored-and-crazy news, Greg Oden-is-progressing-and-looking-forward-to-a-lockout-shortened season news, Hey-is-that-Luke-Ridnour?-Why-is-he-even-in-this-state-much-less-at-my-laundromat-news, preseason rankings, and the inevitable process of writing about fantasy basketball if there is no real basketball.

Please, blog, may I have some more?