Telling you to go full throttle on Marvin Williams is like telling you to go rent “Charlie’s Angels 2: Full Throttle” on Netflix. Both are stuff from the mid-2000s, both will excite you for a second but ultimately leave you feeling shallow and empty for even that momentary excitement, and both leave one wishing it had more Bill Murray.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It’s the playoffs, people. That time of the year where all your hard work could either pay off or come crashing down all over your face with the weight of a thousand Shaquille O’Neals. That time of year where your forsake family, friends and all other personal relationships, slaving over your lineup each and every day just for the satisfaction of winning the moderate $80 league you have going with your buddies from college.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Wade’s out. Rip’s out. Stuckey’s out. Tyrus is out (again). Thornton My Side was out. Lawson is day-to-day. Hawes slammed his back and left after 10 minutes last night. Curry remains out. Beasley’s status was downgraded. Granger went from missing time due to food poisoning to foot poisoning,  marking the first typo-related injury in NBA history.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The fact that Ricky Rubio still isn’t the starting point guard of the Minnesota Timberwolves is only batshizz crazy until you dump water over your head and remind yourself that this is the Minnesota squadron that couldn’t find a regular spot in the starting rotation for Kevin Love in his first two seasons, despite him never having a PER under 18 at any point during that time.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Let’s just get it out of the way now: I don’t follow college basketball. Every year, a new line of freshman enter the league and I think, “It would really be helpful if I knew anything about these guys.” Then a squirrel passes outside my window or a dust particle hitting the sunlight catches my eye and I’ve already forgotten what I was just thinking about.

Please, blog, may I have some more?