The period of free agency continues to shape the fantasy basketball-scape with fresh meat on terrible teams and players signing with contenders to be relegated to bench duty. With baseball in full swing and the NFL getting half of the ESPN air time no matter what time of year it is, a lot of NBA moves have been made under the radar. Look for every division to get a team-by-team breakdown and some early fantasy thoughts on the new faces in new places:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I don’t need to get into why the Portland Trailblazers might be unlucky. Or maybe snake bitten. Or maybe even – gasp! – cursed.
I don’t need to mention the long line of giants with legs more fragile than the sexy lamp in “A Christmas Story.” I don’t need to mention the Draft Day Disaster where they went with a sure thing no one questioned at the time and ended up missing out on the greatest player of all time. And I don’t need to mention the crushing injury to a guy whose last name is the acronym to a certain award given to rookies, which all but crushed any chances of building something out of those early LaMarcus Aldridge teams in the late ’00s.
But in casting away one J.J. Hickson, I believe Portland has made its own bad luck heading into the 2013-2014 NBA season.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I’ve got to say, growing up a huge Charlotte Hornets fan, I am going to finally have a favorite team again next year. I mean, the Bobcats is such a horrific name for a professional sports team that it actually made me not cheer for them. If they follow my logic – citizens of New Orleans, I’m sorry, you’re no longer cheering for your NBA team.
If you missed it the other night, the 2013 NBA Draft Lottery was selected (coincidentally right when a huge Powerball was built up and won – conspiracy?!) with the Cleveland Cavaliers winning another #1 pick. Nerlens Noel, or Captain N as I’m going to call him, looks like he’s heading to one of basketball’s friendliest cities. Just don’t leave for another team in a televised special. Honestly, my first thought was, “great, another talented player I have to navigate through injury estimates with.”
Anyway, I doubt any NBA rookies will crack the top 100 for fantasy this year, it’s a pretty weak draft class, but that’s why these way too early rankings will be capped at 100 before readdressed closer to the season when they’ll expand to 200. As always with rankings this early, it’s May, the Finals haven’t even started yet, and there will be a lot of revisions. But here’s how I see things shaking out as of right now:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Tobias Harris is going to be immortalized in my fantasy career as the guy who got me through some injuries and LeBron benchings to win titles in almost every league in 2013. I was on this guy at the trade deadline and continue to ride him into the sunset with a twinkle in my eye.
With LeBron yet again benched like I had a feeling he would be, Harris was a monster against his former Bucks going 13-20 (3-4 3PTM) 30 Pts 19 Rebs and 5 Asts. Harris hit a monster 3 with 1.9 seconds left to send it into OT and put the Magic on his back. That kinda sounds like a sex move. There’s something kinda like that called a Houdini, but I’ll let our friends at urban dictionary or something explain that one.
Here’s what else went down last night across the NBA:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Fantasy Championship! Some leagues have just wrapped up their finals and hopefully you’ve got a nice Shiva for your mantleplace. But in other leagues the championship has just begun or it’s the last week-and-a-half for roto.
With a lot of big name players (ahem! Dwyane Wade ahem!) not getting on the court, there’s going to be a ton of new fringe guys getting minutes. It’s been since Saturday since we’ve had a round-up, so let’s look at the weekend’s action (no games yesterday with the NCAA final):Please, blog, may I have some more?
The league is finally taking notice of the Denver Nuggets win streak of 14 games (there’s not another streak going on is there?), as they survived a near upset to the terrible 76ers at home last night. The Nuggets are 31-3 at home. Rocky Mountain air! Get me an oxygen tank! The 76ers owner even slammed his team on Twitter. Doug Collins has got to be about to go on a Mel Gibson-esque tirade. Maybe paint his face like Braveheart and drive the tanker truck from The Road Warrior like in South Park. If he coaches again next year, it will be the biggest accomplishment in sports. We used to say that Oscar Pistorius, but you don’t hear that as much anymore.
Led by the late game heroics of one of my biggest supported players since I took over, Corey Brewer brewed up 10-18 FG (5-6 3PTM) 29 Pts 1 Reb 5 Stls and 1 Blk. “Stealin’ and Shottin’!” Imagine I said that like Spike Lee’s “Stoppin’ and Poppin’, Postin’ and Toastin'” and you get the frame of mind I’m going for. Hey, I’m white, spoken word isn’t my forte which is why I’m writing this blog, not on the street corner yelling fantasy advice with a megaphone.
Here’s what else went down last night in the NBA:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Gotta love Colorado. All the hippies, all the ganja. I went to Denver last year (not for that) and really enjoyed the city and caught a few Rockies games. That town loves their sports teams. Have you ever watched sports high? It’s awwwwwwesome. Well then again, I guess everything you like is intensified in aurae of sweeeeeet. And then if your team loses, you can just laugh it off like Brad Pitt in True Romance.
Fantasy wise, the Nuggets feature tons of options, but there enlies a bit of a conundrum as there are some hit and miss nights. I’m a big Corey Brewer fan, but he has some down nights, I really like Danilo Gallinari as a big 3 but he goes cold some nights (went 4-17 last night), and Kosta Koufos, who is criminally underrated and unmentioned on that team, played only 16 minutes yesterday. It really is a revolving door with a lot of those guys – Andre Miller almost hit a triple-double last night while Wilson Chandler only scored 9 following up 35 two games ago. It’s kinda like a fantasy wheel of fortune. You get jackpots and a trip to Tahiti with Tehol (although I would prefer Bankrupt there), or you have Lose A Turn or Bankrupt. See if you can figure this one out. _ _ R_ _ _ _ _ R _ U_ _ _ INC_ N _ I _ _ _ _ _ R_ _ _ _ _ _I _ _ _. Girlie Porn User Incontinence Rigamortis? Close! It’s George Karl Uses Inconsistent Rotations. OK, I officially never want to come a Wheel Of Fortune puzzle maker.
Here’s what else went down last night:Please, blog, may I have some more?
As a very fair skinned, freckly and tall guy (makes me closer to the sun) I have had my problems beating the heat. One time in college (I went to UNCW so on the beach) I got burnt so bad on my legs it made me get shaky and more loopy than Joseph Gordon-Levitt. My friends thought I pulled an Ewan McGregor and snuck in some heroin. Suffice to say, I got some serious additional freckling on my calves. With their long slender shape and pretty much invisible blonde hairs, I could pass them off as Lindsay Lohan’s legs. Enough celebrity mentions already!
Unfortunately for the Celtics, St. Patty’s didn’t carry on into Monday night as the Heat led by LeBron James’ 37-7-12 (including this abuse of Jason Terry) were able to keep the streak alive at 23. Although the city of Boston probably would have gotten blackout drunk again either way. With no Kevin Garnett, the C’s gave another start to Jeff Green who exploded his green-ness on the Heat like Nickelodeon gak. He was the Green Monstah last night, going for a career-high 43 with 5 3PTM, 7 Rebs, 2 Asts, 2 Stls, and 4 Blks. Easily one of the best fantasy lines of the year for who is becoming a huge pickup for owners who nabbed him. Speaking of getting nabbed, check out this guy nabbing a few boogers on national TV. Proves you can do anything if you have the charm. Just look at that wink with the debonair of Mark Harmon/Dennis Quaid. I thought no more celebrity references!
Let’s take a look at what else went down last night across the NBA:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Bonjour all, tis I, Tehol Beddict, and I come back to you a new man. A better man. I’m sure many of you sent in hand written letters, filled with panic and despair over my abrupt disappearance , and your fears were justified as my journey almost turned perilous on multiple occasions. Trust that I knew the job was dangerous when I took it, for mankini modeling can turn deadly at any given moment as many a she-male lurk on the stunningly beautiful island that’s known as Bora Bora.
Before my tale involving the treacherous she-males occurred I spent my time off camera helping induce pregnant dolphins into labor, rescuing sea turtles from fish nets, thatching roofs destroyed by a recent hurricane, trying to impregnate a village chief’s daughter and digging a well for the thirsty locals. Yes, Tehol Beddict is a philanthropist as well as being a scholar, poet, mankini model, and a writer. It’s true I wear many hats, but among those is never a jimmy, luckily for the Chieftan’s daughter, who I can now proudly say is expecting come winter.
When saving baby sea creatures one must be wary of the poisonous sea urchin as the only way to stop the pain is by peeing on the wound. Giving golden showers to tourists is now one of my greatest passions after this trip. I shall never forget the joy of easing a tourist’s pain by blasting his face with a powerful stream of urine. You must be precise in these matters and my aim stuck true. The locals worshipped me for these feats and told me they had only read about piss with such potency in tales about the Gods they worshipped thousands of years ago before they were overtaken by the pious French. But this is a tale for another day my friends for I did battle with some of the most powerful she-males of Bora Bora , nearly losing my life in the process, and that story takes precedence.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Tobias Harris started the season fairly strong, putting together some decent lines in November, but then fell out of the Bucks rotation. “Oh Tobias, you blow-hard!” It looked like Harris’ career might be stalled. “I got my hands on some money. I can’t say how or when … or where my wedding ring is, but my purse overfloweth.” But with a trade to the Magic right at the deadline, Harris got a much needed new beginning in O-Town. “But guess what? There’s a new daddy in town. A discipline Daddy.” Harris has been a discipline daddy indeed, providing the Magic with their lone bright spot with 23 Pts 9-12 FG 2-2 FT 1 3PTM 6 Rebs 2 Asts and 2 Stls last night while being massacred by the Kings. And if any of these references are giving you a chubby, suck it up and watch Arrested Development! As I mentioned in both articles yesterday, I’m crushing hard on my boy T-Hair. Shooting a total of 21-31 (68%) and averaging 17.7 Pts 0.67 3PM 6.7 Rebs 1.3 Asts 1.0 Stl and 1.0 Blk over his three games for Orlando, he’s been a dynamite find for their unloading of J.J. I called him a pickup in deeper leagues, but with a third straight big performance where he looked worthy of 40 minutes (I watched this game – he attacked the rim hard, shot well, and played spry), I’m now calling him a pickup in all leagues. Here’s what else happened last night across the NBA:
Deke! Don’t forget that all our Razzball mindscapes are now in one convenient social media lollapalooza on Facebook. Shoot us a like, track all the new articles when they go up, and follow more of Grey’s game-winning musings on life.Please, blog, may I have some more?