When the mythical beast of the Goromotaro was awakened, we’ve seen very few bigs able to top the 20/20 plateau. It’s what hindsight is! Then Anthony Davis goes out and drops a 40-burger topped with multi-cat sauce. “Welcome to King Burger where you can have it your way but don’t get crazy!” Brow went too crazy! 40/21/3/1/3. Sassy. Almost a rainbow, definitely a Goromotaro, and certainly spiking the Brow value into probably the 3rd pick next year. I said early on in the year I’d go top-5, but he’s locked in the three hole now. You can set it and forget it. Plus he’s a redonk 29 for his last 29 at the stripe. Just so valuable that one of the big Boards-N-Blocks can actually hit free throws. So in drafts next year, you can pass on Andre Drummond and DeAndre Jordan later on. Plus you won’t be looking at your roster and taunting it like Katt Williams when pulled over by Shaq. “No – could you hit a free throw!” Here’s what else I saw over the weekend:Please, blog, may I have some more?
The injury bug hath claimed another victim, with LaMarcus Aldridge suffering a tough fall in San Antonio on his lower back/coccyx. What are you doing to us fantasy gods?! While reports right now is it was only a lower back contusion, you never want to hear “needed a wheelchair to get around the arena.” Unless you’re Professor X! Yikes. As Slim is putting out early this afternoon, the Blazers have a mammoth of a 5-week slate coming up in the second week of the playoffs. So if you’re an Aldridge owner, I would just thank my blessings, or count my lucky stars, or something like that, if L.A. can indeed give you all five of those. In the immediacy, Thomas Robinson looks like an interesting pickup for some flashy upside. “Oh camon JB, Thomas Robinson again!?” Yup! And I said it last time and he had a 14/18/2/0/2 in there! I serious doubt Aldridge will suit up again this week, giving T-Rob some serious run. We’ll obviously get some more detailed updates throughout the day, so sacrifice a shot of rum to Jobu, or rub your bunions against the carpet, whatever you do to appease the fantasy gods to get a healthy Aldridge back for the postseason. Here’s what else went down in fantasy action:Please, blog, may I have some more?
So anyone watch the Clippers last night? Who was cheering for Blake Griffin to go for 50? BG just obliterated the Suns interior defense in the first quarter, putting up 22 on 11-12 shooting. Then I don’t know who had their hearts broken more by Griffin not even getting to 40 – fantasy owners looking for a huge start to their week or the Clips announcers who were decorating their trapper keepers with flowery Blake Griffin pictures all game. P.J. Tucker got a little heart broken too! Blake went all dog pile on Tucker for really no reason. Tucker was like, “That’s a clown dog pile yo!” and clocked Blake right in the chinny chin chin . Pow, right in the kisser! At one point, the announcer dude said, “See Blake just loses his footing…” Pshhhhh! Griffin is kinda like a high-flying, better-at-basketball Tyler Hansbrough. Burn! Regardless, ended the night with a ridic 14-16 FG and 9-10 FT 37/6/3/1/0 line. Did rack up 6 TOs and was limited to only 32 minutes due to fouling out. Shockingly, one of those 6 fouls wasn’t for tackling a guy… I mean, I’ve seen that sort of tackle flagged in the NFL! Don’t get me wrong, I like watching Blake, it’s awesome how he can get under opposing teams’ skin, and he’s had a career fantasy year. Although, I think Slim might like him a little less since it’s probably going to cost Tucker a game with a suspension. The notice comes from the league office with a letter that reads merely: “You’ve been Silvered!” Here’s what else went down across NBA action last night:Please, blog, may I have some more?
No, you’re not accidentally on baseball and we’re not reviewing Roger Maris and Mickey Mantle’s little HBO romp. Wait, why does LeBron James get an asterisk then?! I think the mask is helping him. It’s like the Jim Carrey movie. Without it he’s a nothing out there – - dammit, metaphors and parallels just aren’t working today! Unless the improbable scenario in which you pounded em hard at happy hour, passed out before tipoffs last night, stumbled to your computer when you awoke this morning, and Razzball Basketball is your first NBA news choice, then you probably saw what BronBron did last night. I for one fully endorse the aforementioned scenario, see you at happy hour after work! LeBron went bob-bonkers on the bob-Bobcats for 61 points shooting 22-33, 8-10 from deep, and 9-12 from the stripe. Chipped in 7 boards and 5 dimes on top of it. The gap Kevin Durant had over King James is slowly deteriorating as MaskBron is taking over Gotham City. Now, it did help that there was no Dwyane Wade (not that it would’ve made that much of a difference), but KD is still your numero uno. Twin towers! I bet 50% of fantasy H2H title matchups will pit LeBron vs. KD. Fantasy basketball is too top heavy followed by a bunch of bastard children. It’s turning into Shawn Kemp! Zing! Here’s what else I saw last night in NBA action:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Razzball Nation! We’re here on a special weekend wrap-up where Slim (this is JB speaking) got to the action and JB just snuck in the beginning. And snuck in the end! I’m like Brad Pitt at the Oscars. “Wait, why is he winning best picture! So confused right now…” Tomorrow I’ll proudly illustrate what I did over the weekend, but a nice defining touch hoops-wise was another great one from my boy Mike Scott, who while posting great lines, isn’t helping the Hawks win… And that’s a problem! Especially with Paul Millsap assumedly back sometime soon this week. But I thought Gravity mighta gotten best picture too! After a really rough send-off last Monday, went bonkers on the Suns for 20/5/2/3/0 with three treys and not a single TO. I bet Philly sports fans wish they had no TO. BOOM! Double sports joke. The main number that got my emoji tats all excited was the 40 mins played. Millsap is going to travel with the Hawks as they migrate on a 5-game road trip, but very easily could miss the first few making Scott a solid short-term add. So beam him aboard, win a big week as we near playoff time, and don’t forget to yell over the music if those pompous mf#@*$ng PA guys at the Oscars wanna condescend you by playing the music. And here’s Slim with what he saw over the weekend:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Oh man, a busy day yesterday in hoops! The obvious first mention is GO HEELS! Oh man, I feel like storming the court today. I think Chapel Hill fans everywhere this morning should storm their office/classroom/crowded area in a flash mob at some point. Then we have LeBron James getting his nose broken by Serge A Broke-a! The mayor of Cleveland has already issued Serge Ibaka a key to the city. Fine LeBron $5,000 for flopping! Man, the next round of internet videos of “LeBroning” are going to be a lot more like “The Knockout Game”. Seriously, even LeBron haters have to love he got it broke a step or two out before throwing it down. Word still to come if the nose is indeed broken, but my money is on yes. Regardless, we’ve seen a few players come back from a broken nose in the same game donning the Hannibal mask, so I doubt he misses any time after passing concussion tests last night. MaskBron! And then we had the trade deadline come and go, with nothing too major albeit a few surprises. I’m starting a bit off the reservation with a guy I’m going to pump hard and is a pickup now in 12-teamers. Lord Byron Mullens! After trading their former starting 5 which we’ll get in below, it’s Mullens and Arnett Moultrie manning down the C fort in the abandon ship Sixers front line, with Mullens picked up for draft picks. I know Mullens is boring, but he was usable while with the Bobcats posting a 10.6/6.4/1.5/0.6/0.6 line with 1.2 treys in 27 minutes a game in 12-13. His sub-40 FG% blew, sure, but he’s a perimeter shooter who can play decent D so I think he will get run. He’s a lot better than Moultire in my opinion and I think will get big minutes. And I don’t know why, maybe it’s because he looks so goofy or maybe because he’s been in the league 5 years, but Mullens is actually only 25 when I thought he might be 30. For a team tanking, he’s a perfect acquisition to help rack up points to try and fill maybe 2 more seats a night in Philly. “Thanks for coming Mr. and Mrs. Mullens!” Here’s what else went down yesterday, starting with NBA deadline deals:Please, blog, may I have some more?
When you think of the Boston Celtics, you think about Larry Bird, Bill Russell, Red Auerbach, the Big Three of 2008, “now there’s a steal by Bird underneath to DJ he lays it in,” eight-straight titles, 17 overall, etc. Somewhere way down on the list, way way below Kevin McHale, John Havlicek, Reggie Lewis, and even Antoine Walker and Dominique Wilkins (yep, he led the C’s in scoring in 1994-1995), you think of Big Goofy White Guys.
Fred Roberts, Greg Kite, Brad Lohaus, Lou Tsioropoulos, Scott Wedman, Brian Scalabrine, Dwayne Schintzious, Mark Acres, Steve Kuberski … the list of useless big men of Caucasian descent who wore Celtic green is endless.
So while most of Boston cursed Danny Ainge for shipping Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce to Brooklyn for three number one picks and a pile of garbage that included Kris Humphries, the move made complete sense to me. Except for two inflated seasons for a worthless New Jersey Nets team, Humphries is the protypical big white man at the end of the bench that has become a symbol of Boston basketball pride.Please, blog, may I have some more?
PGs depth suddenly overfloweth from the wire, with a lot of guys on their choppers… chopping(?) their way onto fantasy squads. Listen, I would make some sort of better parallel with that show, but I haven’t gotten to it yet. Takes a lot of effort to plow through a show! I friggin’ had to stop the new Arrested Development in season 4. Yikes. And speaking of arrested development, the Clips sure got a buster when Chris Paul went down with a separated shoulder Friday night, and through a series of updates will be out “up to six weeks.” The trainer asked Paul if he was filing for divorce with his shoulder, but nah, just separated. Huge blow to the Clippers, but it was a “rush to your nearest internet device” moment for fantasy owners to add Darren Collison. On Friday night, in JB’s RCL 2 I missed out, then when deciding who to drop for him in RCL 1, I missed him by about 10 seconds. Thank’s a lot Your Mom Says Hi! A Hill ‘O Beans bout to be refried! Yeah, terrible smack talk, I know… If you’re not checking out the comments every night, all sorts of updates get fantasy spins throughout the evening, like El Burro breaking the news while watching his Clips’ title hopes get separated. I like Collison a lot, and unless you singularly need assists, I like him over the other big breakout PG from the weekend. I think he gives you 16/3/6/2 a game until Paul is done with marriage counseling. The 35 minutes he’ll play a night should make those numbers pretty realistic. Here’s what else I saw over the weekend in hoops action:Please, blog, may I have some more?
So I’m feeling a little like a savant this week, because although I’m losing week 3 so far in my pools, I did predict that Steve Blake would be a good pick up while we was 6% owned, aaaannnnd BAM! Down goes Steve Nash! I know that this is me gloating, but trust me, when you’re writing pieces about who will be hot, and who will be not, you’re gonna whiff once in a while, so savour the small victories, my Auntie Grace would always say. And speaking of savoury treats, Place your eyeballs on these potential gets and drops:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Things were looking oh so good for the Colonel’s original recipe heading into the season. I bought the whole bucket, the two sides and a giant big gulp of tea. But Larry Sanders could very well be one of fantasy’s biggest disappointments in 2013-14, for reasons on and off the court.
Sanders signed a 4-year deal in the offseason worth a cool $44 million bucks (worth, about, a million buckets of chicken!), and the Bucks regime had big plans for their center. GM John Hammond, while trying to keep his Jurassic Park island under control, said Sanders was the key to the team. Hammond, you lost your keys! Bucks are locked out… Then the season started with Sanders nearly fouling out in 12 minutes, and in three games hasn’t played more than 22 minutes, hit 2 FGs, or grabbed more than 4 boards. I was on the buy low bandwagon faster than a short sell in Trading Places. But after complaining about playing time, Sanders reportedly got into a bar fight Saturday night and effed up his thumb. Stop giving him roids, Braun, we don’t need more roid rage in Milwaukee! I wonder if he was getting hazed by Ersan Ilyasova like Richie Incognito. “You must play better, now!” yells Ersan in a thick Turkish accident. Hey, Ilyasova was a scratch last night too, Gus Ayonin’! Anyway, Sanders is accused of breaking champagne bottles over peoples’ heads, and to top if off he then missed Monday’s game because his wife went into labor. Sorry Larry Sanders Jr… I’m just sorry… Hopefully this version of The Larry Sanders Show ends anti-climatically with Sanders getting back on the court and giving fantasy owners something. If you’ve got him, you have to be holding and hoping Sanders can settle down and have this blow over, before he’s looking back at his life and he’s Robert Swift. Here’s what else went down last night in fantasy hoops:Please, blog, may I have some more?