We’re in week 13, people. Where does the time go? Seems like a mere 3 months ago that the season started. Ahh, memories… Say, do you guys like going to see the ponies? Not my-little-pony, brah, I’m talking the track, where they race the horses. For money. You get to see dirty, desperate people throw their last few shekels on an equine dream, which mostly ends sadly, but sometimes, just sometimes, you get to see a moment of pure excitement, approaching ecstasy, when a long-shot filly comes in, and someone wins big. It’s glorious to see a seemingly sad little man so happy for once. I want you to be that sad little man, gentle reader, it too would be glorious. So lets take a stroll down to the stables, and take a look at the stallions, and see whom we should hitch our cart to, and who’s destined for the glue factory, shall we?Please, blog, may I have some more?
Awwwwww, yeah! Yeah J-Val. Gimme a little peek. Gimme a little glimmer of hope!
Oh man, was it a tale of two halves for the Raptors last night! They were lobbin’ shizz all over the place like they were the Globetrotters against the… Who do they play again? That they always beat? Oh yeah, the Knicks, like they were the Globetrotters against the Knicks. Kyle Lowry had 9 dimes in the first quarter and Jonas Valanciunas put up 14 points on 7-8 shooting. Drummo playing uggo! Kinda a “but his D” lately… The Luminescent Lithuanian ended up going 14-15 for 31/12/0/0/1. The FT% is nice (3-4 last night and right at 80% on the year), but his combined – yes COMBINED – Ast/Stl/Blk this year are under 2. Sigh. I thought he could turn into something so much more special! There are some long-term nice things – per-36s he’s cut down a few TO, scoring more, fouls are down – but Casey is playing him lower minutes than last year (and wouldn’t consistently feed him after that hot start) and I don’t know if he’s ever going to be more than a slightly taller Zach Randolph. And with that, J-Val is all insulted, buttoning up his clothes, and not giving me that flash of hope. Dammit, I’m my own cockblocker! Me n Valaciunas are gonna be awkward for a while until safely in the friendzone. Here’s what else went down on a light night of Monday action:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Who doesn’t remember Remember the Titans? “If you have to remind people what the joke in the title is from, it sucks JB!” Thanks ghost of Grey! I’ll work on improving the rest of the week if you can sneak in and Hollow Man me a mustache ride.
Hard to believe Remember the Titans is so old. Who woulda thought Will Patton’s annoying ass daughter would be getting torn apart by some monster Russian boxer. “I must break you.” And who woulda thought a guy who had bounced around the D league, played in China, barely played in 2011-12 the last time we saw him in the NBA, would break fantasy basketball waiver wires?! Hassan Whiteside absolutely tore apart the Clippers Klitschko-style for 23/16/0/2/2 yesterday afternoon, in case you missed it and weren’t watching NBA. Not like there was any other sport with important games on… Mr. Whiteside hit 10-13 FG and 3-4 FT (although he’s not the best FT shooter), and most importantly started the second half over Chris Andersen. Birdman had bid flu with a -17 +/- and Whiteside was brightside for +26. No disparity there! And somehow Slim’s Heat won. I’d be very surprised if Whiteside doesn’t start tomorrow against the Lakers, and he’s leap-frogged a lot of the fringy big men. Alex Len is so then! Jordan Hill can take a chill pill! Jusuf Nurkic can… Nope, he’s still Jamba Jus! Love my smoothies… But Hassan is likely a must-own in all leagues. Hopefully you grabbed him yesterday or can this morning, so your bigs can tear apart your opponents Klitschko-style. Here’s what else went down over the weekend in fantasy basketball action:Please, blog, may I have some more?
“Wahhhhhhh, I’m Jarrett Jack!”
Even though he didn’t set the world on fire last night (16/3/2/1/0), Jack seems to have a stronghold on the Nets starting PG spot. With the range for treys (one 3PTM the past three games) and a great FT%, Jack is a must-own in all leagues for me. However, there is a major concern. The Showcase Showdown! Brooklyn is trying to pawn Williams off like a bad case of gonorrhea, and sometimes you have to coax out the virus before it goes away! Hah – let’s hope that’s not true, totally making that up (cough, cough…). With another bajillion dollars left on D-Will’s contract, the injury-riddled walking kankle is a tough sell. Then again, maybe keeping him off the bench will protect him from another injury making him go from normally hard to sell to “leave him on the curb and hope someone takes him” hard to sell. Regardless, most teams even in 10ers should have room for Jack, as I think it’s likely he starts the rest of the season for the soon-to-be rebuilding Nets. And there’s no one else that’s even waiting in the wings… So pick up Jack where you can if he’s still out there, if only to cheer him up! Here’s what else went down last night in Fantasy Basketball action:Please, blog, may I have some more?
It’s Christmas Eve! Santa is doing some last-minute shopping at the outlet mall, popping some speed to get over those procrastination eggnogs last night. Or maybe he was celebrating a big night from his fantasy PGs!
Just a reminder that this is the last Daily Notes for the week, which I hope doesn’t bring any coal to my stocking… Then again, no action tonight and then the light-slate Christmas Day games, so you won’t miss me too much! As always, all comments welcome through the weekend which I will get in between opening all my Brandon Knight memorabilia presents for Christmas!
Point guards just went nuts – like, chestnuts on an open fire nuts – all across the league last night. My boyfriend leading the charge! 34/2/5/1/0 for Knight, shooting 13-21 FG (4-7 3PTM 4-4 FT). To say he’s been up-and-down is an understatement, but right now he’s this kind of up! 20+ Pts in 5 of 6 and 4+ dimes in 5 of 6. The steals have come back down to earth a bit, but he’s only had 3 games on the season without a trey. Three! And that high-volume 90% FT shooting is oh so sexy. My advice has been to hold onto Knight all year (unless you could’ve sold high for something ridiculous a week in), and not get too worried about the ebbs and flows. Or else you would’ve missed out on a Christmas present like last night’s line! Here’s what else went down last night in fantasy action:Please, blog, may I have some more?
It’s like that scene in Moneyball when Beane-y Baby is talking to David Justice and says something along the lines of, “You pissed off the other team so much, they’re paying 2/3 your salary!” Except the Pistons are going to pay 3/3 of Josh Smith‘s salary…
Geez, over the weekend plus a travel day, I feel like I missed two season’s worth of the NBA! Smoove gets waived, there’s trades… I think Andrew Wiggins is even contemplating retirement! In Detroit Rock City, Stan Van is tired of seeing Detroit Brick City. Shooting a career-low (even for Smoove!) 39.1% from the field (including 9-37 from deep for a Gargantuan 24.3 3PTM%), Stan Van is about as sick of labradoodles as Michael Vick. Too soon! I could go Larry Sanders there too, he is on my all-hate team… Wow, this got too serious. Josh Smith is terrible at basketball! Another year of 2.6 TO is doing no favors, but even in only 32 minutes a game (a low since 2005-06), he’s at a career-best 4.7 AST this year. Then again, another flip-side with a career worst 46.8 FT%. I’m rattling things off we already know, but mostly want to mention in H2H leagues, he’s still a useful player if your team is built the right way. And my pre-season rank was hoping he would come off the bench and boost the FG% and bad TO rate by playing against second units. Right now the Rockets are front-runners to pick him up (which also is a big indictment on Terrence Jones coming back any time soon), which should limit his labradoodles and keep him in line for defensive stats. I’m really hating what Stan Van is doing to DET for us fantasy-players – these shifts in minutes and rotations are infuriating – so I’m actually a little encouraged. We’ll see how it shakes out, but if you’ve been able to weather the Smoove storm of horrific efficiency, I’d keep holding. Here’s what else has gone on across the league since we last checked in:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Man, what an epic game in San Antonio! Marc Gasol hitting a preposterous buzzer-beater to put it in OT, then Tim Duncan makes this rim job to put it into 3OT… Crazy man. Two things – 1 – Sean Elliott is maybe my favorite commentator in the NBA and B – look at Marco Belinelli just bowl over Courtney Lee in that second highlight… Strike! Haven’t see a Lee update for an injury, so stay tuned there…
I guarantee you that Gregg Popovich was fuming like President Snow that this game kept going on, and on, and on and… Kinda like book series that have the final book broken into into two movies. I mean The Hunger Games: Mockinjay – Part 1…? I got confused and disinterested once Woody Harrelson stopped drinkin’. So I guess last night’s Spurs vs. Grizzlies games was San Antonio vs. Memphis – Buzzer-beaters traded: Duncan’s Rim Job – Part 3. Another huge game from Timmay (excluding the real fluky 5-15 FT) for 23/16/5/2/3. Rainbow line! Duncan really hasn’t skipped a beat this year, well except for when he’s benched with a DNP-Rest. I know it’s hard to believe, but we’re in Week 9 of the season already! And for H2H leagues that play standard 3-week playoffs (RCL standard), we’re almost halfway through the regular season with playoffs starting Week 21. A game like last night is only going to make Pop go restier, so if you’re killing it at first or second in your standings, I wouldn’t mind selling high at all. But there’s a flip side – if you’re 8 or 9 and see Duncan on a team running away with a playoff spot, it’s actually a good time to think about bringing him aboard. He’ll be frustrating with the DNPs, but could put you over the edge if you’re hanging on the rim. If you know what I mean… Here’s what else went down in A Wednesday Night of NBA: OTs Galore – The Return of Hack-a-Shaq: The Revenge:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Replace “Heat” with “Jay Cutler” and that’s what I have on in the background…
So a rough couple of days for Miami fans as both Chris Bosh and Josh McRoberts suffered seemingly minor injuries over the weekend, with some really bleak news coming out on Monday. McBob’s knee injury that came out of nowhere in last Wednesday’s shootaround was diagnosed as a torn meniscus and needs to go under the knife. Yikes. Probably out for the season, and right when he was turning it on. Then to Bosh, who has reports swirling his bum calf might cost him a few weeks. It’s murky waters for the Brontosaurus, but for the long-term, you’re just sitting and praying to the Fantasy God of Injury. I mean, dude was already so busy over the weekend! Bosh is still staying involved with practice on a limited basis, but then again we all know what happens when “we talkin’ bout practice.” In the interim, Shawne Williams probably gets the biggest uptick in minutes. But he was pretty low-ceiling in big minutes to start the year… He had a couple nice games early on, very blah though. Justin Hamilton is looking at a big role as well, off 10/3/1/2/0 in 33 minutes last Sunday. A low-yield big role… A little bit lost in the shuffle is Da Birdman! Chris Andersen returned for Sunday, playing 18 minutes for 2/3/1/0/1. He’s not going to get a ton of run given his age, but should offer a little blocking upside in a slight uptick of minutes. Really none of these guys move the needle for me much, as it’s just an Abyss out there on the front line, with no aliens to save you by raising the ocean floor on some platform thingy. I’m still in Lovington with Robert Covington and want it in the booty for Rudy. They’re way above any of these Heat fill-in schlubs. Here’s what else went down last night in fantasy hoops:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Tracking Rudy Gobert‘s path to the NBA has been movie worthy. After an accident at his former job at the local steel mill, Rudy had Jon Favreau (he really could be French!) keep his grades up in exchange for Rudy helping Jonny out with the ladies. Gobert almost gave up on his dream for basketball, but Charles S. Dutton gave a heartfelt speech on BEING REAL! Utah fans tried carrying Gobert off the court chanting “Rudy! Rudy!” after that win against the Spurs last Tuesday, but it was a big hazard to the overhead lights.
Derrick Favors‘ ankle turned into a kankle over the weekend, but luckily X-rays were negative and he’s day-to-day. No reason for the lowly Jazz to throw him out there gimpy. Monsieur Elbow time! Filling in for Favors on Friday night, Rudy had one of the best games of his young career for 9/11/4/1/5 shooting 2-2 FG and 5-6 FT. Followed it up with a start last night next to Enes Kanter for 7/9/0/2/3 in 31 minutes. Playing with the big boys! A wingspan that would make a pterodactyl jealous, Gobert should murder blocks for you if you’re able to stream him through the couple starts he’s likely to get this week. No timetable for Favors, but big men + kankles = John Goodman. I mean, not good for a speedy return.
Boy did the Fantasy God of Injuries not get enough human sacrifices over the weekend! This might turn out to be the most depressing NBA recap I’ve ever written. Stay positive JB! Stay positive JB! Thanks inner monologue… Any other advice to help me get through today’s news? Well, remember when in Interstellar it looked like there was no hope due to another Dust Bowl, then he just finds the newly incarnated NASA – – Wait, how does any of that make sense, they didn’t know he was alive yet he was their best hope!? And then there’s that giant plot hole with the planet with the – – it just makes no – – uhughuhguhguhguhgug – – – – F, now my inner monologue is injured… Here’s how the weekend of death went down in NBA action:Please, blog, may I have some more?
As most of you don’t know, I’m actually Will Smith’s illegitimate first son. If you don’t believe me, well you more or less have to click on that link and read it, or else the following will be too esoteric… Too ephemeral…
After Mo Williams was moved back into the starting line-up last night, he showed his Rubio-esqueness going 14/3/13 in a fantastic dimebag performance. The chosen player for the open this morning, I asked Mo to interview me and my method for compartmentalizing everything fantasy basketball into a daily recap:
Mo: What have you been reading lately?
JB: Ya know, totem pole haikus, Ke$ha’s twitter profile, because ya know… Because living.
Mo: I feel ya. So what’d you think about my facilitating last night? Pretty sick line back in the starting 5.
JB: Well, I don’t really watch the NBA. There’s no sports I like to watch, so I make them up myself and watch them again, and it’s the best thing… But even in my self-created NBA, it was pretty impressive. The way you can distribute while making time go slow… Or fast… As you please… And how you know it doesn’t exist.
Mo: I have been turning back the clock, that’s for sure! That baby Zach LaVine is way behind me for fantasy these days, right?
JB: He’s the feeling of like, a fragment of a holographic reality…
Mo: You’re right, pretty easy call there. So are you dropping say… Tony Wroten for me?
JB: There’s a duality to it. So when one thought goes into your mind, it’s not just one thought, it has to bounce off both hemispheres of the brain. When you’re thinking “yes”, you’re thinking “no”. It’s a tool for understanding. It comes from a place of oneness.
Mo: I have no idea what the F you’re saying. Just tell me, am I a good medium-term value until Ricky Rubio gets his ankle all healed up?!
JB: If he wants his muscles to grow, he has to shock them. If you want society to change, you have to shock them. That’s what art is, shocking people.
Mo: Fine. Whatever. I know I’m legit, LaVine shoulda stayed in school longer…
JB: You never learn anything in school. Think about how many people die in hospitals every day. Med school? What’s up with that!? I still haven’t been to med school and I haven’t died in a hospital, I can’t see how med school is really helping anyone out… Same with LaVine, in whatever universal form he occupies…
Mo: Occupy? #OccupyDraymondGreen?!
JB: Forever, ‘til the day that we’re in our bed!
Here’s what else went down in NBA action last night:Please, blog, may I have some more?