If you’re a Harry Potter fan, then you’re in the wrong place.  Gave me a punny title!  All you’re good for, Rowling…  Some friends tried to get me into that noise and there’s like these whore-cruxes hidden around the world or some crap?!  Made no sense at all.  Get enough whore-cruxes in half the reality shows out there…

Through a few comments over the last couple weeks, I feel like I’ve had to fight for Donald Sloan as a guy to hold onto and not give up for a peanut shell and ABC gum.  The sell-high label still applies, but sometimes you gotta just ride the broom like a whore-crux!  No idea what that means.  Huge night from Sloan in a shocking win at Dallas going 10-14 FG (3-5 3PTM 6-9 FT) 29/2/5/1/0 all with only one turnover.  It’s been a little under the radar since he’s not a huge dimer, but has 2 TO or fewer in 9 straight games.  Somebody get Michael Carter-Williams some Sloan tape for the film room!  Despite a little bit of a struggle at the stripe last night, is well over 80% on freebies this year.  Really his only knocks are low steals and FG%, but if I’m getting mad at MCW (which is tough to do after last night!), all the sudden Sloan’s numbers are looking mighty tasty.  I still think whatever you get in a trade won’t be worth just riding Sloan another month, as George Hill‘s knee is rumored to keep him out until the latter part of December now.  And Sloan’s big play should have him above C.J. Watson, who is also lingering into December with trench foot.  Who knows, maybe the Pacers go crazy and start Hill and Sloan when Hill is back anyway, and play Stuckey as a 6th man.  Sloan’s been a big part of any success the Pacers have had, so he’ll certainly remain in the rotation.  I’ve written Sloan’s name enough for the open here, let’s start gushing over some more of JB’s favs who did well last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Up until this year, Jimmy Butler looked like he was always going to be a Wesley Johnson-Iman Shumpert type of wing. Can get you 13-15 points on a good night, hits a few three balls, shoots crappy from the field and nabs a few steals here and there.

His improvement was steady over his first three seasons, but heading into this year’s fantasy drafts, the thought going through most people’s minds was: This guy’s a sleeper, sure, but Derrick Rose is coming back. If Rose is finally healthy, Butler is a non-factor, and even if he isn’t, we’re not missing out on much.

Right here I instruct you to crank up the volume on your device/computer as loud as you can and click on this link.

Butler came into Friday’s tilt against the Blazers with a string of four straight games where he topped 20, including a 32-point explosion against the Pacers. I’m singling out that Blazers game as a caveat, as Da Bulls entered Portland with no Rose, no Pau Gasol, no Kirk Hinrich and no chance of winning. Butler, who had nine points on 3-13 shooting, joined his teammates in chucking up prayers to try and stay in the game, and almost none of those prayers were answered.

I will say this. The Portland game does expose Butler as a guy who cannot carry a real NBA team. In other words, he is not a healthy Derrick Rose in Derrick Rose’s prime. I think Butler’s value is intrinsically tied to the health of this squad. If, for example, Gasol is healthy, but Rose isn’t, Butler is very valuable. If both are healthy, still valuable, but not as much. If neither is healthy, he will be up and down, struggling against good teams, dominating bad ones.

Long-term, I see a sell-high wing. Yeah, it’ll taste good right now, but later tonight, your significant other will be relegating you to sleeping on the couch. And it won’t be because you snore.

Still hungry? Order up one of these flavors:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Young players Michael Carter-Williams and Victor Oladipo returned to their respective teams last week, after missing the first few weeks due to injury. This week, the Washington Wizards welcomed back shooting guard Bradley Beal. He came off the bench to a standing ovation (or rather, the 25 fans in attendance stood up and cheered), but impressed in his first game of the season. In 26 minutes, Beal scored 20 points, with 3 rebounds, 3 assists, and 3 3PTM. It was only one game, but expect Beal to put up similar lines all season. He averaged 17.1 ppg, 3.7 rpg, and 3.3 apg last season and I expect those numbers to rise slightly this year.

Now that Beal is back, owners should move on from Garrett Temple and Otto Porter. Garrett Temple started off hot, but has since cooled off and will go back to being a reserve and defensive replacement. In Wednesday’s game against the Mavericks, Temple threw a 3-pointer off the side of the basket and then air balled another three on the same possession! Porter is more offensively gifted than Temple and will have a good game off the bench here and there, but look elsewhere for more consistent production.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Dollah makes me hollah!  So imagine what $100 would do to me?!  Probably a head explosion like in Scanners.

And when DraftKings told me they were throwing us another RAZZBALL ONLY CONTEST, my head exploded with comparable outward force.  Yes, the Razzball Only Contest is back, and you can only get to it from my internet-yelling, all caps linkity link right there.  Only 20 spots will be open to readers; in reality it’s only 18 since Slim and I are in there.  The entry fee is $10, with first place taking home that head-exploding $100 bill.  $100 for first, $50 for second, and $25 for 3rd and 4th place.  That’s $200 for the 20 $10 spots, and for you regular daily players out there, that means no rake.  Just Razzball Nation taking on Razzball nation, with DraftKings giving us the platform.

As always, you can follow me with the “jbrazzball” entry, and talk some mad game at me in the comments if you slap me around.   A perfect Friday for Slapsgiving!  So hit the link, sign up, and let’s get the contest filled so we can play all year, “Yes. We. Can.”

Here’s five of my picks for tonight in a typically big slate of Friday games, so pick bold and live long and prosper!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Wrong calls, right calls, as long as I’m always closing!  I have that same Baldwin-demeanor when I prep my DraftKings line-up.  I rally my players with a speech like that!  The RAZZBALL ONLY CONTEST is back tonight(!); get your entries in now, and the DraftKings only post will be up later in the day.  I don’t ask from much from you loyal readers in Razzball Nation, but let’s get this contest filled out this week!  Click that link there, it’s only $10, and they take no profit, just Razzball v. Razzball, mano y mano.

It was a light night for news with only the two games, so I figured it was a good day for patting my back!  The Ramon Sessions signing clouded an otherwise already dreamy outlook, but I didn’t let it deter me from my Darren Collison love!  Brought in for serious skrilla, the Kings just happened to land a quality guy in Sessions for peanuts, and even though it hasn’t worked out, they don’t have much tied into him.  With two fantastic scorers in Rudy Gay and DeMarcus Cousins, I knew passing on Colly would be folly, and had him green light go!  Obviously I didn’t think he’d be this good, but the joints keep rollin’ with dimebag after dimebag!  17/6/12/1/1 last night, second game in a row with 10+ dimes, and 23:1 AST:TO in that span.  We all knew he could slash, but with the dimes this high and the low TO, he’s turning into a premiere PG.  After last night and owning Kirk Hinrich, Collison was like, “That’s who Tom Thibodeau praises for defense?!  Must be why he praises Krispy Kreme burgers – for the health benefits!”  Here’s what else went down last night in NBA hoops:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

As most of you don’t know, I’m actually Will Smith’s illegitimate first son.  If you don’t believe me, well you more or less have to click on that link and read it, or else the following will be too esoteric… Too ephemeral…

After Mo Williams was moved back into the starting line-up last night, he showed his Rubio-esqueness going 14/3/13 in a fantastic dimebag performance.  The chosen player for the open this morning, I asked Mo to interview me and my method for compartmentalizing everything fantasy basketball into a daily recap:

Mo: What have you been reading lately?

JB: Ya know, totem pole haikus, Ke$ha’s twitter profile, because ya know… Because living.

Mo: I feel ya.  So what’d you think about my facilitating last night?  Pretty sick line back in the starting 5.

JB: Well, I don’t really watch the NBA.  There’s no sports I like to watch, so I make them up myself and watch them again, and it’s the best thing…  But even in my self-created NBA, it was pretty impressive.  The way you can distribute while making time go slow… Or fast… As you please… And how you know it doesn’t exist.

Mo: I have been turning back the clock, that’s for sure!  That baby Zach LaVine is way behind me for fantasy these days, right?

JB: He’s the feeling of like, a fragment of a holographic reality…

Mo: You’re right, pretty easy call there.  So are you dropping say… Tony Wroten for me?

JB: There’s a duality to it.  So when one thought goes into your mind, it’s not just one thought, it has to bounce off both hemispheres of the brain.  When you’re thinking “yes”, you’re thinking “no”.  It’s a tool for understanding.  It comes from a place of oneness.

Mo: I have no idea what the F you’re saying.  Just tell me, am I a good medium-term value until Ricky Rubio gets his ankle all healed up?!

JB: If he wants his muscles to grow, he has to shock them.  If you want society to change, you have to shock them.  That’s what art is, shocking people.

Mo: Fine.  Whatever.  I know I’m legit, LaVine shoulda stayed in school longer…

JB: You never learn anything in school. Think about how many people die in hospitals every day.  Med school?  What’s up with that!?  I still haven’t been to med school and I haven’t died in a hospital, I can’t see how med school is really helping anyone out…  Same with LaVine, in whatever universal form he occupies…

Mo: Occupy?  #OccupyDraymondGreen?!

JB: Forever, ‘til the day that we’re in our bed!

 

Here’s what else went down in NBA action last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

“Hey Kobe, I’m open, I’m open!”  That’s every Laker…

Despite the plausibility that the Lakers are a real NBA team, they once again proved the contrary with yet another blowout loss.  Well, I guess they’ve been in some games, but c’mon!  Kobe Bryant is trying to do everything himself, like an asexual chronic masturbator.  15-34 FG last night (3-12 3PTM 11-16 FT) for 44/5/3/0/0.  After a 1-14 brickhouse Friday night, that’s a 16-48 weekend (33%).  At least Sunday was good!  Ish.  Most concerning are those treys, going 3-17 from deep in both games.  He’s never been a good three-point shooter, especially the past four years.  Glasses anyone?   Russell Westbrook has got a guy…

As I’m sure Kobe would appreciate to no end, I have a comp for him.  Dwight Howard.  Hah!  Mostly kidding, but Kobe is Dwight-ing (new adjective) your FG%.  In H2H it’s not a paramount concern, but in Roto it’s getting scary.  I don’t know what you do about it except try to trade Kobe high to a team at the top of your FG% standings.  Then let Kobe and that ridiculous volume sink them like the whole Purple and Gold franchise.  I keed of course!  There’s just nothing there.  Like hairs on Carlos Boozers‘ head or anatomy on Ken’s crotch.  Kobe vs. NO tonight, 5-on-1!  Here’s what else went down over the weekend in fantasy basketball action:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We are a few weeks into the NBA season and things are really taking shape.  The 76ers might set the record for losses in a season, the Knicks are still the same garbage team after paying Melo, Brian Shaw has made a mess with the Denver Nuggets and the Sacramento Kings set a NBA record for losing consecutive games in which they were up 18+ points after the first quarter.  With that said how about we get on with some picks.

On Saturday night we have a big 10 game slate:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We start this week’s injury report with some good news. The 76ers welcomed back Michael Carter-Williams and Nerlens Noel to the court on Thursday night. MCW immediately contributed, posting a 19/8/5 line off the bench. It was good to see him play 30 minutes in his first game back, and I expect to see him starting soon.

Nerlens Noel came off the bench as well, after missing two games with a sprained ankle. Although the 76ers were glad to have them back, it really didn’t matter. The Mavericks destroyed the 76ers 123-70. The Mavericks scored more points in the first half (73) than the 76ers scored in the entire game!

Now for the bad news: Derrick Rose is hurt again. Rose left Thursday’s game with a hamstring injury late in the 4th quarter. His status for Saturday’s game is up in the air as we await more information. In the games he’s played, Rose looks like his old self. The problem is that he hasn’t played that many games. He’s missed four games already with a pair of sprained ankles. Even if the hamstring injury isn’t serious, expect to see him miss some games here and there. The Bulls are more concerned about Rose’s long term health and having him ready to go for the playoffs.

When Rose doesn’t dress, look for Aaron Brooks to provide value. He’s shown in the past that he can still produce when given the minutes. Brooks has averaged 16 ppg, 6 apg, and 2.75 spg in the four games that Rose has been out. The minutes won’t be consistent, but Brooks will have upside for starters’ minutes off the bench and is a great start in daily salary cap leagues whenever Rose is ailing.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

#OccupyDraymondGreen baby!

Occupying so hard!  He’s like the Russia to the Nets Crimea!  The person whizzing in the bathroom on the plane while you wait in the aisle!

Owning the Nets front line (I can’t really say “owning Kevin Garnett as KG prematurely a-bench-iated for only 13 minutes since well, DrayDray overmatched him!), Draymond Green was magnificent for 17/8/7/1/2 shooting 7-14 (3-8 3PTM).  Near rainbow and three treys?!  But you gotta love the 33 minutes of burn with only a singular TO.  #OccupyEfficiency!  After a little bit of a rocky start, Green was money in bigger minutes from Nov. 5-9 but had 13 TO.  Wasn’t flashy against the Spurs on Tuesday, but had 5 dimes to only 1 TO and then had the monster last night.  There have some comments wondering how many minutes DrayDray is gonna play play when David Lee finally gets his new hamstring, but Steve Kerr has pretty much made Green the heart-surrounded face of his trapper keeper.  Quotes like ” I don’t know what my philosophy is… We’re 4-0 with DG,” and “We’re 4-0 and Draymond’s starting, he’s playing well, so I’ll keep starting him,” and “Yeah, I’d leave my wife for that!”  Maybe I made up the last one, but you get the gist!  Sure the minutes might go down from the 33 he’s at, but I don’t think by much.  #BuyIfYouStillCan!  Here’s what else went down last night in fantasy hoops:

Please, blog, may I have some more?