Oh man, it’s been a grueling season for a few of my fantasy teams.  I’m like Oliver Twist out there.  “Please, sir, give me some fantasy-more!”  But it’s always nice seeing one of my boys go out there and have himself a career weekend, like Mike Scott who put up 20 on Friday then a career-high 30 on Saturday.  #EmojiTats!  In 30 minutes (he scored a 30 for 30) shot 11-14 including 6-7 from deep.  Somebody step out on this guy!  Reminds me of when the old UNCW coach would keep our hapless defense in zone when the opps were hitting threes.  I remember when you were against us, Kent Bazemore!  Oh man, I gootta elaborate more on that…  Anyway, Scott went 30/8 with no other stats so it was a major-ThrAGNOF!  And remember, ThrAGNOF isn’t derogatory unless it’s one of those high-ranked guys.  Looking at you Klay Thompson.  Scott got the start for Paul Millsap whose knee is all syrupy, and Scott could pick up another start or two early this week.  Why you don’t need to draft threes!  Grab your kilt, prep your best Mel Gibson, and ride with your fellow Scott against the Longshanks.  Here’s what else I saw over the weekend in fantasy hoops:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The All-Star Break is here!  With skills competish, Mike & Mike in the evening, and everyone’s favorite – the Slam Dunk Contest.  It’s exactly what everyone needs during the grind of the regular season, even for us fans who are only nursing such injuries like Larry Drew-ophobia, general malaise, and fantasy bewilderment.  I have all of those symptoms!  Plus we all get four straight nights of not worrying about our fantasy rosters, nights off to spend with ladies (Valnetine’s Day just happens to be during the All-Star Break, who planned this?  Does Jared own the NBA?!), nights off to go out drinking without constantly checking box scores on the iPhone, and nights off to spend working on some Fantasy Baseball rankings…  Oh, and nights off to dig out our cars, sheesh this weather!  So with all that in mind enjoy the All-Star Break, get on twitter and have fun faux-titling the Dunk Contest throwdowns, and I’ll be back on Wednesday next week as we approach the fantasy playoffs.  Here’s what I saw last night in the few NBA games and a few injury updates:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

So, the Feds are after you.  Your Ponzi scheme and billions of dollars are up for seizure.  Well, that, or your $20 league dues and your friends sending you obnoxious texts about how you’re not going to the playoffs.  So if you’re in H2H and in this shortened week, what is a Madoff to do?  How about putting in a quick grab of Chris Kaman, who has erected himself into surging fantasy relevance.  Too far JB!  A raging 25/14/4/1/3 line last night, taking a whopping team-high 24 shots.  That’s now three straight games of at least 17 Pts, 8 Rebs, 3 Asts and 2 Blks.  That’s the floor!  While tonight’s slate is pretty jam-packed, Thursday is a light one.  With the Lakers one of the few teams in action, Kaman could really make the difference this week for ya in Pts and Blks.  While he does have a shelf life whence Pau Gasol returns, if Gasol is indeed traded I think Kaman has played well enough to stick.  Of course you never know with Doh-toni, but Robert Sacre isn’t exactly a guy to be developed for a long-term future and they don’t have any other true 5s.  So don’t be afraid to stash some of your free cash in the Kaman islands.  While he is owned in 43% of Yahoo leagues already (a bit shocking to me it had hopped up that fast), there’s plenty of IRS-free banks left to stash him up.  Here’s what else I saw last night across fantasy hoops:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

So imagine you’re heading into fantasy hoops last night, wondering what the headline would be.  You knock on the mansion’s door and Tim Curry is standing there all snippity-proper.  You say, “Hey, Timmy, someone is gonna kill it tonight!”  Could it be, Colonel Larry Sanders Mustard?  Nope!  His vision is too blurred to be the culprit.  And no, it’s not because he topped off his third bottle of Cristal just to have another blunt weapon, it’s because he got poked in the eye!  Could it be Reverend Jeff Green?  No way, he had his big night a few games ago, we all know it’ll be at least another two weeks until another good one!  So it’s surprise suspect #3, Professor Mason Plumlee, who went all Krzyzewki on the Pelicans leading the Nets in Pts Rebs Stls and Blks for a 22/13/0/3/2 line.  Shot 8-10, 6-9 from the stripe, and made Anthony Davis lose a wee bit of hair on his Brow.  “I’m supposed to be the high-flying big man in this game, Mason!”  The crowd wasn’t chanting MVP for ya in this one!  Awww, that’s mean.  After playing under 12 minutes the previous two, Plumlee got 28+ in the past two games and productive in both.  Keep Kevin Garnett at 13 minutes a game, Kidd!  I think a good way to approach Plumlee right now is like James Johnson.  Puts up solid stats all around (although a little less all-around than JJ) when he gets the minutes.  I think he’s gotten himself to fringe 12-team worthy depending on your roster comp.  Definitely needs to get scooped up in deeper.  I think enough minutes will be there for him to fill in some Pts/Rebs/Blks.  Here’s what else I saw over the weekend in fantasy hoops:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Lakers and dear ol’ coach Doh-toni are just an absolute mess right now.  And just to make things even more interesting, there are injuries, mystery, intrigue, vets returning, and a scheme to divert water reservoir rights.  With Pau Gasol out for two weeks with a bum groin and a good chance out of L.A. before the trade deadline, this whole team is turning into the end of Chinatown.  “Forget it, Jake.  It’s Chinatown!”  And you really can forget pretty much everyone on this team right now, as three vets returned, two guys got hurt, and it’s turning into a bigger Hollywood disaster than The Adventures of Pluto Nash.  I bet Norbit could play PF for the purple and gold!  Since going through everything that happened for the crumbling Lakers would be an 800-word paragraph, let’s hop out of the open and machine gun through em, plus what else happened last night in the world of fantasy hoops:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Before this NBA season I couldn’t look at Mike D’Antoni without thinking of Cy Tolliver, the second-tier villain on HBO’s “Deadwood.”

But I had no idea that D’Antoni would behave like his fictional doppelganger (played by Powers Boothe) and that he would turn the Lakers into the Bella Union Saloon, a place rife with rigged gambling, card games that end in gunfire, out-in-the-open prostitution and inexplicable frontcourt rotations. OK, maybe just the last thing.

There really seems to be no method to D’Antoni’s madness. Jordan Hill got some serious run at the end November and responded with some double-digit rebound games, so of course coach slashed his minutes down to the high teens by the beginning of December. Around the middle of the month he called Hill’s number again, and the results weren’t surprising: He produced some nice games, including a 21-9-1 on Dec. 16 at Atlanta. Now Hill is starting, but his minutes have been crunched down to around 20 per game.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

So the Pistons were looking like a playoff contending team with all their offseason acquisitions, but after a 2-1 record with the only loss a close one on the road to Memphis, the Pistons have dropped 4 straight to fall to 2-5.  Plus Memphis looks god awful after that looking like a “good” loss.  The Pistons aren’t very good.  Hire Jim Leyland!  The culmination of the four-game skid climaxed in an ugly 18- point loss to the Warriors last night that sent a few fantasy shockwaves down our fantasy spine.  First Josh Smith was benched before playing 19 minutes and shot 1-6 for 2 Pts and no boards.  That’s like a Robin Lopez line! He reportedly took some bad three-pointers.  Those familiar with Josh Smith are like, “aren’t they all bad three pointers coming from him?!”  Still think Smith will be fine and this could actually help him from killing your FG% on his off nights.  The biggest benefactor to the J Smoove benching was my boyfriend (!) Kentavious Caldwell-Pope getting 24 minutes and going 9/3/1 with a trey and two steals playing a small (literally) forward role at times.  Now I didn’t watch this game, so if he was matched up on Andre Iguodala who isn’t exactly a domineering 3, that makes sense.   Then to top off a terrible night for Pistons fans, Razzball commenter favorite Andre Drummond went down with an ankle injury, playing way too late in the game that was a blowout.  It was like a Booby Miles injury.  He walked off the court under his own power, but ankle injuries are like the fantasy grim reaper’s wheel of fortune.  Sometimes a terrible looking one turns into nothing, and sometimes you’re Tobias Harris.  Hell Tyson Chandler walked off the court with a broken leg!  You just never know… Keep your eye out for updates during the day.  Hey, at least Drummond put up 16/14/0/3/3 for ya!  Here’s what else I saw across the NBA last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Fournier-Year-Old Virgin

After a very tough start to his season going 2-14 in his first two games, Evan Fournier finally found his stroke last night going 5-10 (2-3 3PTM) for a 12/3/2 line in a season high 25 minutes.  If you’re like me, you’re a Fournier virgin in all leagues.  Sure he’s way off the map (I don’t know where France is!), but I have a feeling he could surprise later on in the season.  In the last 8 games of 2012-13, Fournier went 11.5 Pts (0.9 3PTM) 2.3 Rebs 2.8 Asts 1.4 Stls while shooting 50% from the field and 92.9% from the stripe in only 23 minutes a game.  Now that was on a playoff team, resting some stars – sure, but this Nuggets team is a mess right now.  I know they just beat the Hawks, but a lineup starting Randy Foye and Jordan Hamilton (of course Wilson Chandler and Danilo Gallinari are on the shelf), Fournier could get late season run as I highly doubt the Nuggets make the playoffs.  He’s a great off-the-radar multi-cat guy to keep your eye on especially in deeper leagues as we start getting into the meat of the season.  Here’s what else I saw last night in the NBA:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Coming into this year, the fantasy freaks of the world had two guys on their radar as far as Phoenix Suns centers. Would it be one-time fantasy darling and all-the-time Polish Hammer Marcin Gortat, or lottery pick Alex Len, who could either end up as a modern-day Jon Koncak or a white Dwight Howard.

How about neither? Gortat was traded to the Washington Cheese Wiz in a very odd trade where the Suns ended up with a protected first-round pick and a frozen-in-Carbonite Emeka Okafor – which really isn’t that different than Emeka Okafor – while the ex-Bullets got Gortat and three guys they waived.

Len, meanwhile, is injured, and won’t be ready even when he’s ready, if that makes any sense.

And all of this is perfectly fine in the retirement capital of the world.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The season of feverish NBA fantasy drafts is over, for the most part, and now the post draft hangovers come crashing home. Boy, did those Mai Tai’s go down smooth! So smoothly, that you look at your team in the harsh light of day, and beyond the first couple of picks, you’re filled with regret. Taking Bismack Biyombo in the 5th round? For shame, good reader, for shame!

Well, like the preacher said, I’m here to tell you the good news – All is not lost! There are some gems to be found on the waiver, and I’m here to help you find them. And if Rapscallions like JB have taught us anything, it’s that many “day-after” regrets can be cured with some quick thinking and a shot of penicillin.

Please, blog, may I have some more?