Upon occasion – especially while watching the Wizards – I think to myself, “Self? You could do better than these guys, right? Sure, you’re not as tall as most of these guys and you have trouble going to your left, you tend to get wheezy after just a couple laps up the court, your sweat makes people not want to talk to you, you choke on the gum you’re chewing 3/4 of the possessions, and your on-court communication consists mostly of reciting lines from ‘White Men Can’t Jump,’ but still, the Wizards are awful.” Now I know you think it’s weird that I address myself as Self, but if I didn’t do that how would I know who I’m talking to?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Point guards, shooting guards and small forwards have all been accounted for. Now, call this list the “anti-point guards.” With the exception of maybe Boozer, Jamison and Blatche, injuries didn’t dictate the direction this list took. No one here missed more than a dozen games and therefore the difference between the fifth best power forward and the 15th best is akin to the second-best PG and the fifth best PG on that list.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Houston’s Kyle Lowry dropped seven threes last night, making it 24 bombs in six games. That’s a league-high, the current franchise best and a wicked, wicked third-tier keeper option for your team come the fall. Lowry is ranked 16th in the league in assists and 15th in the league in steals per game, which ain’t too shabby considering he was just a seagull on the submarine’s radar during the preseason and was drafted in fewer than 25 percent of this season’s drafts.

Please, blog, may I have some more?