Things were looking oh so good for the Colonel’s original recipe heading into the season.  I bought the whole bucket, the two sides and a giant big gulp of tea.  But Larry Sanders could very well be one of fantasy’s biggest disappointments in 2013-14, for reasons on and off the court.

Sanders signed a 4-year deal in the offseason worth a cool $44 million bucks (worth, about, a million buckets of chicken!), and the Bucks regime had big plans for their center.  GM John Hammond, while trying to keep his Jurassic Park island under control, said Sanders was the key to the team.  Hammond, you lost your keys!  Bucks are locked out… Then the season started with Sanders nearly fouling out in 12 minutes, and in three games hasn’t played more than 22 minutes, hit 2 FGs, or grabbed more than 4 boards.  I was on the buy low bandwagon faster than a short sell in Trading Places.  But after complaining about playing time, Sanders reportedly got into a bar fight Saturday night and effed up his thumb.  Stop giving him roids, Braun, we don’t need more roid rage in Milwaukee!  I wonder if he was getting hazed by Ersan Ilyasova like Richie Incognito.  “You must play better, now!” yells Ersan in a thick Turkish accident.  Hey, Ilyasova was a scratch last night too, Gus Ayonin’!  Anyway, Sanders is accused of breaking champagne bottles over peoples’ heads, and to top if off he then missed Monday’s game because his wife went into labor.  Sorry Larry Sanders Jr… I’m just sorry… Hopefully this version of The Larry Sanders Show ends anti-climatically with Sanders getting back on the court and giving fantasy owners something.  If you’ve got him, you have to be holding and hoping Sanders can settle down and have this blow over, before he’s looking back at his life and he’s Robert Swift.  Here’s what else went down last night in fantasy hoops:

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Despite the two nationally telecast Opening Night games (with the Heat/Bulls starting at 8:00 PM EST), the season really started at 7:00 with the Magic against the Pacers.  Non-fantasy players probably didn’t know this game ever happened.  All the sudden in the second quarter, Andrew Nicholson just went off, going 8-9 in the first half with 18 points.  Next thing you know, ESPN Fantasy Basketball is down.  Why RCL is on Yahoo!  But despite the Magic losing the lead and the offense going stagnant early in the third, Nicholson only played another few minutes in the second half and got stuck at 18 points in 19 minutes, only taking one additional shot and going 8-10 on the night.  Womp womp.  I never thought too much of Nicholson and don’t think he’s a guy to go rush to the wire for (unlike ESPN fantasy players!), and don’t forget Tobias Harris sat out with the ailing ankle.  19 minutes sounds about right for Nicholson, and he’s obviously not going to be a 48 PPG scorer per 48.  But I hope the kid enjoyed the moment in the sun during that first half shooting spree.  You temporarily broke Fantasy!  He was like the Fantasy Basketball Kevin Ogletree.  Here’s what else went down last night in the NBA:

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After re-ranking the top 10top 20, and top 50, it’s easy to see there’s been big changes since last May.  Below are the Razzball Updated Rankings with the previous May rankings in parentheses before the adjusted rank:

(68) ↑ 51. Derrick Favors – Utah declining to bring back either Al Jefferson and Paul Millsap gives you a slight inclination on their thoughts on Favors, and they’re already talking contract extension with their emerging big as well.  I love his athleticism, and if I miss out on Serge Ibaka who I’m high on early, I’m gonna want to reach on Favors to win blocks. I think he’ll be a top-5 NBA swatter.

(51) 52. Kemba Walker – Kemba has been higher on virtually every rankings I’ve seen, and I’m just not top-50 high on him.  He had a really solid season last year, but the terrible FG% still worries me as I feel like he forces some offense.  The acquisition of Big Al is going to give the Bobcats/soon-to-be Hornets an actual scorer down, and I don’t think that translates into helping Kemba all that much.  I like Gerald Henderson a lot too to take a bigger scoring role.  The 2.0 steals a game last year was elite, but I see those going down along with the scoring, and a comparable 5.7:2.4 Ast:TO ratio.  All that spells a slightly down ranking for me.  Although to be fair, he’s played in every single Bobcats game in his career, so there’s that reliability that can’t be ignored.

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The period of free agency continues to shape the fantasy basketball-scape with fresh meat on terrible teams and players signing with contenders to be relegated to bench duty.  With baseball in full swing and the NFL getting half of the ESPN air time no matter what time of year it is, a lot of NBA moves have been made under the radar.  Look for every division to get a team-by-team breakdown and some early fantasy thoughts on the new faces in new places:

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Ahhh the Big Baby.  I’m not usually a fan of a guy who screams and whines every time he’s touched, I figure this is about what he would sound like if miked up during a game.  But if he’s not fouled or yelling at his teammates, he’s all goofy and smiley on the bench.  “I was just kidding ref, I’m cool like a jelly beans on da bench!”  After a solid start to the 2012-2013 season, Glen Davis hurt his shoulder, then later fractured his foot.  Must have some big feet to support that bulk, but he reportedly only wears size 15 shoes, which is two sizes smaller than me, BOOM!  You know what that means… Why Nick calls me the Big Biscuit, why Davis is Big Baby, and why Tehol won’t invite me to his professional functions.

Back to Davis, who was ballin’ with a career-high minutes, points, boards, well pretty much everything starting for the terrible Magic.  Speaking of that, I have four Magic in my top 100, which seems a lot to invest in such a horrible team.  But hey!  Tobias Harris was my boyfriend last year, I love Nikola Vucevic and Jameer Nelson at 97 is, well, whatever.  So let’s dig down and see why I like Big Baby at 81 and higher than most other rankings:

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So the season’s wrapping up, fantasy-wise, most of you should be in your last week of playoffs, or near it. I do trust you’ve had fun so far, I know I have. I wanted to leave with a Chris Rock-esque drop of the microphone, but I’m struggling to convey that through print. In addition, it really only works if you have built up to a high point, a crescendo, if you will, and I have been moving in the opposite direction really. Perhaps meekly putting the mike back to where I found it is more appropriate.

In actuality, I only got the opportunity to write for you, dear sports fan, due to a metaphoric injury, much like a prize fighter who gets subbed in for by a scrub at the last minute, because the headliner broke his hand. But the show must go on…

I will endeavor to continue to provide you, good reader, with the best advice your money can buy. And seeing as this is a free service, mitigate your expectations accordingly:

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Moe Harkless struck the Thunder for a career high 25 points last night and the rookie added 9 rebounds, 4 steals, 4 blocks and hit 3 threes. I’ve been pushing Moe for a while now, so this performance was a long time coming. Maurice is averaging a mediocre 10.7 pts and 5.4 rebounds over the past two weeks, but what really raises my fantasy eyebrow is the 3 steals a game. Do you know where your wallet is? No? Probably because Harkless just took it. Just like that. He’s that good. In fact, Moe has 21 steals in the past 6 games alone! Hashtag cleptomanic! Nikola Vucevic sat this game, and Arron Afflalo left the game in the first quarter in some serious pain. This explains Moe’s 45 minutes, and he should get major burn and plenty of touches going forward. Harkless is available in over 20% of leagues, if your looking for a playoff push, Harkless has all the tools to fill up all a stat sheet. And the steals! *drools  Go steal him from waivers before someone else does!

Here’s what else happened in fantasy basketball Friday night:

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Why do deer like salt licks?  It’s one of the longest pondered mysteries in the world.  Ok, that’s not true at all after I asked Jeeves.  According to Wikipedia (I know Mrs. Hanson, I can’t use it as a source but this isn’t a research paper, bitch) “A mineral [salt] lick is natural mineral deposit where animals in nutrient-poor ecosystems can obtain essential mineral nutrients.”  Parallels!  Those poor Milwaukee Bucks were having such nutrient-poor fantasy lines and highlights of late and just needed some salt to lick.  Easy, “that’s what she said” guy (you know if you are).  The Bucks had three plays in the Sportscenter top 10!  Fantasy wise, Monta Ellis hadn’t scored 30 in 2013.  Brandon Jennings hadn’t scored more than 11 in his last four games.  J.J. Redick hadn’t scored more than 16 or hit more than 2 threes in a game for his new squad.  And Larry Sanders hadn’t… Well he’s been playing awesome, and was awesome again last night.  Let’s look at their lines and the rest of fantasy basketball’s noteworthy performances last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?