Ahhhh, it’s finally that time when drafts are becoming more and more meaningful and abundant, we’ve got the REL Auction draft on Thursday, and two RCL leagues drafting this weekend which still have spots open!  Don’t forget the grand prize in RCL of Razzball gear and a permanent imprint of your team name shaved in my head.  I mean, where else can you win a fan league and brand the resident editor?  I’m not really looking forward to the looks I’m going to get (doesn’t help I’m 6’7 and people be lookin’ anyway!), especially if a team like Your Mom wins.  Ugh.

So in order to hopefully restore my honor, my second RCL team was drafted last Thursday, and I gotta say, while I’m lukewarm to my team, you RCL leaguemates were brutal.  Here’s how the draft went down (full draft results):

Please, blog, may I have some more?

After re-ranking the top 10top 20, and top 50, it’s easy to see there’s been big changes since last May.  Below are the Razzball Updated Rankings with the previous May rankings in parentheses before the adjusted rank:

(68) ↑ 51. Derrick Favors – Utah declining to bring back either Al Jefferson and Paul Millsap gives you a slight inclination on their thoughts on Favors, and they’re already talking contract extension with their emerging big as well.  I love his athleticism, and if I miss out on Serge Ibaka who I’m high on early, I’m gonna want to reach on Favors to win blocks. I think he’ll be a top-5 NBA swatter.

(51) 52. Kemba Walker – Kemba has been higher on virtually every rankings I’ve seen, and I’m just not top-50 high on him.  He had a really solid season last year, but the terrible FG% still worries me as I feel like he forces some offense.  The acquisition of Big Al is going to give the Bobcats/soon-to-be Hornets an actual scorer down, and I don’t think that translates into helping Kemba all that much.  I like Gerald Henderson a lot too to take a bigger scoring role.  The 2.0 steals a game last year was elite, but I see those going down along with the scoring, and a comparable 5.7:2.4 Ast:TO ratio.  All that spells a slightly down ranking for me.  Although to be fair, he’s played in every single Bobcats game in his career, so there’s that reliability that can’t be ignored.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’ve got to say, growing up a huge Charlotte Hornets fan, I am going to finally have a favorite team again next year.  I mean, the Bobcats is such a horrific name for a professional sports team that it actually made me not cheer for them.  If they follow my logic – citizens of New Orleans, I’m sorry, you’re no longer cheering for your NBA team.

If you missed it the other night, the 2013 NBA Draft Lottery was selected (coincidentally right when a huge Powerball was built up and won – conspiracy?!) with the Cleveland Cavaliers winning another #1 pick.  Nerlens Noel, or Captain N as I’m going to call him, looks like he’s heading to one of basketball’s friendliest cities.  Just don’t leave for another team in a televised special.  Honestly, my first thought was, “great, another talented player I have to navigate through injury estimates with.”

Anyway, I doubt any NBA rookies will crack the top 100 for fantasy this year, it’s a pretty weak draft class, but that’s why these way too early rankings will be capped at 100 before readdressed closer to the season when they’ll expand to 200.  As always with rankings this early, it’s May, the Finals haven’t even started yet, and there will be a lot of revisions.  But here’s how I see things shaking out as of right now:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The Razzball Community, like a single barrel scotch, is bold and strong. And like a single barrel scotch in the bloodstream of a Las Vegas stripper, we like to spread our butt cheeks and then drive while intoxicated. Wait, what? Anyway, the Razz-comm (<- term that won’t catch on) enjoy nothing more than to match wits and skills with each other in the fantasy arena (there may be things we enjoy more, but we’ll leave that to the philosophers). The season has come to a close, those of you who weren’t sure if J.R. Smith was for real can finally put that question to rest, and our RCL winners have emerged, basking in the glow of victory. “I remember when I was alive, I lived for the taste of success! So says I, the ghost of Dolph Schayes!” Damn you, Dolph, you aren’t dead yet! “Mayhaps, but your career is!” Moving on…

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Razzball Nation!  So if you’re reading this you’re probably in the playoffs of your fantasy league, but if not and you read for my mere musings and devilishly witty forays into the intricacies of the English language (and obtuse adjective overuse), then huzzah!  And huzzah for a site like DraftKings.com where you can draft a new line-up every day and play the matchups that you decide for the players you pick on a nightly basis.  Maybe you squeaked into your playoffs with all your hopes and dreams that Derrick Rose would be playing by now, only to get crushed by the 3 seed.  Either way, if you lost your fantasy league buy-in or it seems to be as useless as a Bernie Madoff investment, why not play in daily tournaments where your winnings can be much higher!  Today DraftKings is running their SUPERQualifier for their $150k Bank Shot, where 25 people will win a ticket into their huge $150k contest.  First place will win $50k for picking the best lineup tonight in only one day of fantasy goodness.  It’d be like winning your NCAA bracket in a single night.  Would be a rush.  More a rush than going to see Rush.  Ok, so they were before my time, but I like their music when it’s on.  Here’s who I like tonight to give you a rush of cash:

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Bonjour all, tis I, Tehol Beddict, and I come back to you a new man. A better man. I’m sure many of you sent in hand written letters, filled with panic and despair over my abrupt disappearance , and your fears were justified as my journey almost turned perilous on multiple occasions. Trust that I knew the job was dangerous when I took it, for mankini modeling can turn deadly at any given moment as many a she-male lurk on the stunningly beautiful island that’s known as Bora Bora.

Before my tale involving the treacherous she-males occurred I spent my time off camera helping induce pregnant dolphins into labor, rescuing sea turtles from fish nets, thatching roofs destroyed by a recent hurricane, trying to impregnate a village chief’s daughter and digging a well for the thirsty locals. Yes, Tehol Beddict is a philanthropist  as well as being a scholar, poet, mankini model, and a writer. It’s true I wear many hats, but among those is never a jimmy, luckily for the Chieftan’s daughter, who I can now proudly say is expecting come winter.

When saving baby sea creatures one must be wary of the poisonous sea urchin as the only way to stop the pain is by peeing on the wound. Giving golden showers to tourists is now one of my greatest passions after this trip.  I shall never forget the joy of easing a tourist’s pain by blasting his face with a powerful stream of urine. You must be precise in these matters and my aim stuck true. The locals worshipped me for these feats and told me they had only read about piss with such potency in tales about the Gods they worshipped thousands of years ago before they were overtaken by the pious French. But this is a tale for another day my friends for I did battle with some of the most powerful she-males of Bora Bora , nearly losing my life in the process, and that story takes precedence.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’ve never been that bothered by snakes.  Now I never went out of my way to play with them or anything (except my own – bada bing!), but never ran the other way either except when I was in New Mexico when I was like 7.  When I was working on my parents mountain house when I was in high school, there was a snake under the scrap heap I was clearing and I killed that little bitch with a shovel.  If that doesn’t boost your testosterone, then I guess you need to contact Tony Bosch at Biogenesis.  The resident snake of the NBA (in name only – easy Laker fans), Kobe Bryant, the Black Mamba himself, went down hard after twisting his ankle last night, and blames Dahntay Jones for intentionally crowding him.  I thought snakes didn’t have ankles?  Well, this injury after sliding into 8th place in the West just puts the icing on the cake of the Lakers ridiculous season.  Right now the prognosis is “out indefinitely.”  About all you can do is make your sacrifices to the fantasy gods and cross your fingers.  One thing Kobe has going for him is that he is resilient to injury and can heal quickly.  He’s kinda like the Derek Jeter of the NBA.  And Jeter never had any ankle issues….  I could see Bryant back sooner rather than later, but stay tuned.

Here’s what else went down in fantasy basketball:

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After recording three wins in a row the Suns have now suffered back-to-back losses. It appears the Suns are setting again, but the most recent shakeup to the starting line up may prove there’s still fantasy value to be had in Phoenix. Yes, Suns FA pick ups just in time for Daylight Savings–first, the Morris Twins–Markieff Morris had 9 points, 2 rebounds and 3 assists, and Marcus Morris had 12 points, 5 rebounds, and 2 assists. You know I’m a sucker for the twinsies starting together–pulls at all the right heartstrings. This is real basketball people. But I must say fantasy-wise it’s hard to tell them apart–they’re both pretty mediocre. They’re worth watching for now, but if you’re have to own one, Marcus is the brother to own, but they don’t recommend separating the two.

Wesley Johnson could be an even better pick up, and Friday he scored 19 points, with 4 rebounds, 2 steals and 1 block in the start. Wes has developed a sixth man-type role over the past few games but he got the start last night over Jared Dudley and made coach proud. Johnson, a former top 10 pick,  always had the pedigree to do this, maybe its about time he got it done. Wesley was the only one who could save Princess Buttercup and if he can continue to play well in this role, maybe he could save your fantasy team come playoff time.

Here’s what else happened in fantasy basketball Friday night:

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Did you know that a Posey is also known as a Nosegay? That’s weird, right? Historically, nosegay means something you hang around your nostrils (you know, to keep out the stench of the dead). Today, saying the word nosegay would make people irrationally angry, so you probably shouldn’t say it. Tony Parker fans may be angry right now, too, as the fantasy stud is going to miss approximately 3-5 weeks after spraining his left ankle. He was one of the league’s top assisters, and brother, you’re not going to be able to find a replacement off waivers to cover his stats. Kirk Hinrich was seen wearing a walking boot, so he’s out. Maybe Andre Miller is still available in your league. He’s good for 11 ppg and 6 apg. It’s something. If redraft roto leagues, you may as well consider dropping him outright. Here are some other fallen men: 

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Ben Affleck may get shat upon by the hip and snarky, but he had the last laugh when his film Argo walked away with the Best Picture Academy Award (TM) (C) ALL RIGHTS RESERVED ACADEMY OF MOTION PICTURE ARTS AND SCbzzzt. Where was I? Oh, Surviving Christmas  is a much better holiday movie than you would expect, and is worth watching if it comes on TV in 9-10 months. Just store that in your head. If you haven’t see The Town, it’s also enjoyable. Wait, is this the basketball blog? I thought we were talking about movies. Hmmm, well, let’s talk about Andrew BogutBogut’s MRI came back and showed a protruding disc in his back. He has been ruled out indefinitely and will not travel with the team. Some of you may remember I had a minor herniated disc back in September, and it took me a few weeks to recover from, derailing my basketball career even further. Bogut is clearly a world class athlete while I get winded getting up from the toilet, but still, back pain is back pain, and Bogut has to wipe the same way the rest of us do. All of you that were so happy to grab Bogut may have to wait a couple of weeks to begin savoring his production again.

Please, blog, may I have some more?