You know what?  I still blame whatever broadcast I was watching while logging Yahoo fantasy highlights for calling Jonas Valanciunas Latvian and not Lithuanian as the cause for me to make the same mistake.  Sure I should’ve fact checked!  But who does that anymore?  Cough, cough, Kansas City Royals graphics truck, cough. Then again, maybe I heard wrong and I have no idea which game it was and who’s broadcast it was, so I need proof.  Who needs proof anymore either?  I pretty much don’t know or have anything…

Well now that I have undersold my intelligence, let me try to get you to buy on the Luminescent Lithuanian before anyone else in your draft can nab him:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

So I assume you’re reading this because you made it into the playoffs. Or you’re a big Will Shakespeare fan, drawn in by my plagiarized title. If you’re looking for Willy Shakespeare, boy, have you stumbled into the wrong part of town, so turn about, post haste, and don’t look back, anon!

If you’ve made the playoffs, however, congratulations are in order, but as the title suggests, you have a long way to go, and things can go to poop in a split second. We need to make sure none of the players on your fantasy team don’t go pulling a Brutus on you, and stab you in the back in your moment of glory! There’s got to be a guy who has been underperforming on your roster, so let’s focus on whom to watch out for, shall we?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’ve never been that bothered by snakes.  Now I never went out of my way to play with them or anything (except my own – bada bing!), but never ran the other way either except when I was in New Mexico when I was like 7.  When I was working on my parents mountain house when I was in high school, there was a snake under the scrap heap I was clearing and I killed that little bitch with a shovel.  If that doesn’t boost your testosterone, then I guess you need to contact Tony Bosch at Biogenesis.  The resident snake of the NBA (in name only – easy Laker fans), Kobe Bryant, the Black Mamba himself, went down hard after twisting his ankle last night, and blames Dahntay Jones for intentionally crowding him.  I thought snakes didn’t have ankles?  Well, this injury after sliding into 8th place in the West just puts the icing on the cake of the Lakers ridiculous season.  Right now the prognosis is “out indefinitely.”  About all you can do is make your sacrifices to the fantasy gods and cross your fingers.  One thing Kobe has going for him is that he is resilient to injury and can heal quickly.  He’s kinda like the Derek Jeter of the NBA.  And Jeter never had any ankle issues….  I could see Bryant back sooner rather than later, but stay tuned.

Here’s what else went down in fantasy basketball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

One of the many amazing things here at Razzball, for your perusing pleasure, good reader, is the amount of content you’re provided with every week by adequate (me) to great (everyone else) writers. The difficulty is that there is going to be some overlap. I mean, there are only some 400 players in the entire league, and many of them aren’t fantasy relevant. Feel free to request in the comment section if you want a hard-hitting fantasy break down of the merits of picking up Cartier Martin or Garrett Temple, but for now, if you see some of the same names from JB’s, ChrisV’s, Blairtch’s, or Tehol’s articles, is because they are awesome, and I can’t stop them, I can only hope to contain them…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Everyone saw it coming.  Everyone had it circled on their calendar.  The epic in-state rivalry of the NBA’s best team going for their 16th straight win playing at home against… the second-worst team in the NBA.  Of course it would be a nail-biter!  The Heat went up big, but the Magic went on a 46-21 run and kept it tight until LeBron James’ game-winning layup.  Good thing Nikola Vucevic had fouled out so there were no shot blockers left.  The Magic certainly didn’t put a spell on the refs, racking up 30 fouls and two foul-outs to the Heat’s 17.  Conspiracy!  The Magic fouls were illusions!  You don’t have time for my illusions!  Tricks are what whores do for money.  Or cocaine.  LeBron better get some nice wedding presents from those home refs.  You think Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert got invited?  Be funny if Lebron sent him an invite with a -1.  This is a fantasy basketball blog right?  Hah, let’s get into the numbers from last night’s games:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Why do deer like salt licks?  It’s one of the longest pondered mysteries in the world.  Ok, that’s not true at all after I asked Jeeves.  According to Wikipedia (I know Mrs. Hanson, I can’t use it as a source but this isn’t a research paper, bitch) “A mineral [salt] lick is natural mineral deposit where animals in nutrient-poor ecosystems can obtain essential mineral nutrients.”  Parallels!  Those poor Milwaukee Bucks were having such nutrient-poor fantasy lines and highlights of late and just needed some salt to lick.  Easy, “that’s what she said” guy (you know if you are).  The Bucks had three plays in the Sportscenter top 10!  Fantasy wise, Monta Ellis hadn’t scored 30 in 2013.  Brandon Jennings hadn’t scored more than 11 in his last four games.  J.J. Redick hadn’t scored more than 16 or hit more than 2 threes in a game for his new squad.  And Larry Sanders hadn’t… Well he’s been playing awesome, and was awesome again last night.  Let’s look at their lines and the rest of fantasy basketball’s noteworthy performances last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Greetings Razzball nation! It is I, Tehol Beddict, your indebted servant, scrutinizing player performances yet again to help you win your fantasy league. Let’s just say that Chris Bosh has had a trying last few days. The guy already gets blasted mercilessly for his resemblance to prehistoric creatures, flaccid rebounding numbers and his many peculiar moments on camera, some which of are on this video.

Please, blog, may I have some more?