I love a good big man. That works in both a gay disco and a basketball court, which is basically on par for the amount of sweaty men grunting in close proximity to each other. As we continue our 2012-2013 fantasy basketball rankings, I am happy to hit the tallest of the tall.Please, blog, may I have some more?
I bet you’re like, “Yo, Redacted… why 5-24? Why not 1-20 like a normal person?” Well I’m not going to sit here and type to you why LBJ/KD/Paul/Love should go 1-4 because everyone should know that they go 1-4. If not, please invite me to your money league. I call these my bold 5-24 because they ignore safety/consistency and positional scarcity. I’m saying at the end of the year I wouldn’t blink if this is how they ended up in the rankings. In your draft, I’d reach a little higher for these guys and not necessarily where I’ve placed them on this list (i.e.Please, blog, may I have some more?
We have already delighted you with controversy and angst, ranking Dwight Howard in the top ten at the expense of the beloved reincarnation of the Christ child (or the deity of your choice), Andrew Bynum. In the original commandments given to Moses, God warned, “Thou Shalt Not List Any Other Above Andrew Bynum.” At the end of the season when Bynum is the MVP with 30.3 PPG, 19.7 RPG, and 5.3 BPG, you can stand and look down at me as I endure the eternal torment of fantasy hell.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Averaging 48% FG, 77% FT, 1.4 3PM, 8.3 pts, 3.5 rebs, 1.1 ast, .6 stl, and .7 blk this season, Brandon Rush has one of those underappreciated fantasy contributors from the mold of Shane Battier (not THIS year Shane Battier, but previous years).Please, blog, may I have some more?
There I was: settled in for a long evening of basketball-related entertainment, when all of a sudden my Twitter and my Tumblr and my Facebooks erupted alerting me to not only the announcement of the new Springsteen album in March, but that the first single was already here.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Upon occasion – especially while watching the Wizards – I think to myself, “Self? You could do better than these guys, right? Sure, you’re not as tall as most of these guys and you have trouble going to your left, you tend to get wheezy after just a couple laps up the court, your sweat makes people not want to talk to you, you choke on the gum you’re chewing 3/4 of the possessions, and your on-court communication consists mostly of reciting lines from ‘White Men Can’t Jump,’ but still, the Wizards are awful.” Now I know you think it’s weird that I address myself as Self, but if I didn’t do that how would I know who I’m talking to?Please, blog, may I have some more?
Remember on Wednesday when we went over the top 10 for 2011 fantasy basketball? We read, then laughed, then cried a little, then snorted after a failed attempt at holding in additional crying, which led to an unfortunate snot bubble, which led to my snickering at your snot bubble.
We’ve got a bit of a Good News / Bad News situation. The Bad News is that the NBA regular season is finished, and with it, your fantasy team – rendering all your strategery as useless as a neck full of Mardi Gras beads in March.Please, blog, may I have some more?