Well, this is the peril you get playing in other countries… After a generator next to the stadium in Mexico City failed, last night’s Spurs at [hah] Timberwolves got postponed after the stadium filled with smoke. It looked like Mexico City’s skyline of smog in there! Man, so many people are going to get fired over this. “Who let their 5 year olds with squirt guns play next to the exposed wires?!” All the sudden the NBA is looking like the MLB… I haven’t seen a PPD since September! Brutal break for Spurs and Wolves owners in H2H formats as the reschedule is sure to be a while down the road. Usually I like H2H for hoops because you don’t get rocked when your team has bad weather (vs. H2H Fantasy Baseball which I loathe), but now you have to think about generator fires when playing in other countries! Well, I guess except Canada… They better have their shizz in order! Breaking News! The Raptors stadium has a Rob Ford crack den hidden within the locker room that caught fire, and they’re relocating to become the Reno Lt. Dangles. Go Reno! Here’s what else happened last night across fantasy hoops:Please, blog, may I have some more?
If you’ve gotten started with fantasy baseball, you know it’s been yet another season of horrendous closing across the MLB. I bet Kobe Bryant could close effectively in the MLB.
Just think about it. He has such a will to win that it made Shaq hate him, he’s got consistent mechanics, never gets hurt and would be a tall presence on the mound. OK, so I have no idea if he can throw a fastball, but right now I’d take him in my Brewers bullpen that looks more like a joke than Joaquin Phoenix’s career as a rapper.
Kobe just went bonkers against the Hornets in the fourth quarter, scoring 23 of his 30 in the last 12 minutes. He just couldn’t miss, hitting a couple threes, jumpers in people’s faces, and was diming when there was openings. With the Jazz losing, the Lakers might actually get the 8th seed. Huzzah! Kobe has been tremendous since the whole ankle injury soap opera, not missing a beat with a bone spur in his foot actually playing more minutes to keep it loose. He’s not only closing games for the Lakers, he’s closing the season for fantasy owners.
Here’s what else happened yesterday:Please, blog, may I have some more?
If you’re like me, you’re afflicted with the “March Madness”. And you love it. It consumes your every thought, much like the image of Sophia Veraga and Christina Hendricks, in nighties, you know, doing sexy things to each other…
Fun fact: the busiest day for booking vasectomies is the Wednesday before the beginning of the Tournament. So the snipped one can lounge on the couch all day with a bag of frozen peas on his mutilated nethers and take in 12 hours of frenzied basketball without being bothered by his lady. True fact, look it up. What I’m getting at is although you may be in the midst of your fantasy playoffs, we’re all too occupied to watch the hours of NBA required to give in depth analysis at the moment, as I have bag of peas on my junk. Metaphorically speaking. And I expect you to be a gracious partner and leave me to my tournament, and would it kill you to make me a sandwich?
Too far? Fine, here’s a smattering of add/drops:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Everyone saw it coming. Everyone had it circled on their calendar. The epic in-state rivalry of the NBA’s best team going for their 16th straight win playing at home against… the second-worst team in the NBA. Of course it would be a nail-biter! The Heat went up big, but the Magic went on a 46-21 run and kept it tight until LeBron James’ game-winning layup. Good thing Nikola Vucevic had fouled out so there were no shot blockers left. The Magic certainly didn’t put a spell on the refs, racking up 30 fouls and two foul-outs to the Heat’s 17. Conspiracy! The Magic fouls were illusions! You don’t have time for my illusions! Tricks are what whores do for money. Or cocaine. LeBron better get some nice wedding presents from those home refs. You think Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert got invited? Be funny if Lebron sent him an invite with a -1. This is a fantasy basketball blog right? Hah, let’s get into the numbers from last night’s games:Please, blog, may I have some more?
It’s that time of year. You’re either chomping at the bit because you’re in a good position for the playoffs, or you’ve sworn off even looking at your league because you’re too frustrated Derrick Rose never helped you out. That’s why it’s an awesome time to check out our friends at DraftKings, where you can draft a new roster every day and win big money prizes. In a special day of contests with an almost full slate of NBA action, it’s a perfect time to hop into one of three different $10,000 contests going on tonight! Buy in for as little as $11! Or you can up your bet for a bigger chance of winning for $109 or $1,050. There’s $10,000 to be won for all levels of players! And I’m gonna help you win that money with some insight on players who are going to be huge tonight that you can get on the cheap:Please, blog, may I have some more?
Why do deer like salt licks? It’s one of the longest pondered mysteries in the world. Ok, that’s not true at all after I asked Jeeves. According to Wikipedia (I know Mrs. Hanson, I can’t use it as a source but this isn’t a research paper, bitch) “A mineral [salt] lick is natural mineral deposit where animals in nutrient-poor ecosystems can obtain essential mineral nutrients.” Parallels! Those poor Milwaukee Bucks were having such nutrient-poor fantasy lines and highlights of late and just needed some salt to lick. Easy, “that’s what she said” guy (you know if you are). The Bucks had three plays in the Sportscenter top 10! Fantasy wise, Monta Ellis hadn’t scored 30 in 2013. Brandon Jennings hadn’t scored more than 11 in his last four games. J.J. Redick hadn’t scored more than 16 or hit more than 2 threes in a game for his new squad. And Larry Sanders hadn’t… Well he’s been playing awesome, and was awesome again last night. Let’s look at their lines and the rest of fantasy basketball’s noteworthy performances last night:Please, blog, may I have some more?
I got some things right in the preseason, and some things wrong, but one of the players I’m most happy about is Damian Lillard. In my rankings post, I wrote, “He dominated the summer league and is one of a number of rookies that people are eyeballing.Please, blog, may I have some more?
Greetings all. It is I, Tehol Beddict, and I come to you humble and on my knees, for I made a grave error in this past week’s post. No, I’m not offering you a blumpkin. The intent was to make up for my past omission of Byron Mullens on my list.Please, blog, may I have some more?
With John Wall‘s return, many out there in the fantasy world were worried that Bradley Beal would lose time. Well, come January, with Wall back on the Court, Beal is seeing both his highest minutes per game and his greatest points per game (11.2 in November, 13.4 in December, 18.8 in January).Please, blog, may I have some more?
This was a good game following a good game for Jeff Teague, which is the first time he’s done that since December. On Wednesday, he went for 28 points (3-5 from deep, 12-18 from the line) with 4 rebounds and 11 assists.Please, blog, may I have some more?