“Sessions with Ramon” sounds like a show on public radio highlighting latin jazz fusion. That sounds like it may be interesting in the sense that if you’re driving in your car and you turn to the station (presuming you don’t have satellite radio or some sweet ass Pandora setup), you can expose yourself to some “world music” and consider yourself slightly more cultured. Also interesting is the NBA’s Ramon Sessions. On Tuesday, he went 16/4/6. On March 11, he went 15/4/7. This is the kind of interesting you want as you make your final playoff push. Another night like that and Sessions owners can expose themselves to their playoff competition.
Dwyane Wade – Scored not one but TWO three pointers. The aforementioned brings his season total to five. Also, for those who need to know, he went 28/6/5.
LeBron James – Speaking of the Heat, King James went 19/11/8 and Chris Bosh went 23/8/2. If they only had an even average, decent center, they would be unstoppable.
Dwight Howard – Speaking of unstoppable, 24 points, 25 rebounds, and even provided three steals. This is why I drafted him in the first round last season (does me no good this year).
Hidayet Turkoglu – Only managed to get more points (7) than turnovers (6) by hitting a jump shot in the waning minutes of the 4th quarter. “Of all the Hidayet Turkoglus in the world, you’re the Hidayet Turkogluiest” – Lucy van Pelt.
Jerryd Bayless – 20/4/7 including 4 of 7 beyond the perimeter. He has been a solid fantasy option all month after tapering off at the end of February. I decline to make any references to Jared jewelers or the dude from the Subway commercials.
Leandro Barbosa – Scored 17 points but only included a handful of other stats (1 each in rebounds, assists, steals and blocks), but also failed to make five of his eight shots from downtown (for math majors, that means he only hit three of them). Not worth the 17 points, in my book (paperback out in July).
Antawn Jamison – Antwerp scored 20 points but couldn’t be bothered with a single rebound. Come on, dude, really? You’re a forward who doesn’t get rebounds? I thought Amar’e Stoudemire played for the Knicks. Jamison isn’t usually this stingy with stats, but a few more games like this and his owners may be breaking into the Jameson, and not just for Irish McDrinky Day on the 17th.
Chandler Parsons – This guy easily has the whitest name in the NBA, if not all of sports (sorry, Chase Utley), but he tallied 21 points with 7 boards, 6 dimes and a takeaway, so huzzah. Worth a gander in deeper leagues (season: 8.3 PPG, 4.5 RPG, 1.9 APG).
Courtney Lee – Approximately 3,547 high schools between 1983-1995 had a “Courtney Lee” in class. Nevertheless, this man-Courtney provided 21 points, including 4 threes. Has had at least one three pointer in his last nine games (specifically ONE three in 7 of those), so if you like a small accumulation of 3s, ask Courtney on a date.
Nazr Mohammed – 10 points, 6 rebounds. Don’t worry, he’s as surprised as you are.
Andrew Bynum – Through six quarters (is this grammatically unsound?), led the team with 37 points, 16 rebounds, and an assist, block, and steal. Amazingly, only had four turnovers as well. Between him and Kobe Bryant‘s 34 points, both players had 61% of the Lakers’ 116 points.
Luke Walton – As Gasol battled Gasol, Walton sat out with Gastroenteritis. If you have him on your team, that means you are over 50, you thought you were drafting his dad, Bill, and you haven’t checked your team since December 27th.
O.J. Mayo – What a 5 year old eats for breakfast. Also went 7 for 25. Adam Dunn (baseball!) has a better average.
Marreese Speights – Scored a season high 25 points with 7 rebounds and 5 assists. Has gone at least 12/7 in seven of his past 12 games. If you are in a deeper league, that should tempt your tummy with the taste of nuts and honey. (WARNING: Speights’ nuts may not taste like honey).
Jason Kapono – I seriously thought this guy was retired. Remember when he lead the league in three pointers? Apparently he doesn’t, either.
Mike Conley – Averaging about 10 points/10 assists for the month of March. That may not be accurate; I didn’t actually add up the numbers and then divide them. I just eyeballed the figures the way I eyeball your mom’s figure. Yeah, I like MILFs.
Trevor Booker – Double Double in points (20) and rebounds (12). He is usually good for at least a steal and two assists, but on Tuesday, Booker T. had nothing else for Washington.
Rodrigue Beaubois – Last week, I said he was worth an add in 14 team leagues (I actually said “mama’s gotta do what she does,” but you get the idea). On Friday, Josh Vitale specifically told you (yes, YOU) to “Buy” him. On Tuesday, Booboo (I want this nickname for him) produced 19/6/4. You were notified in advance.
JaVale McGee – I mentioned this in comments yesterday, but if you ignore the spelling errors, this is a fun video. Yesterday, McGee had 12 points on 4-9 shooting. That’s not terribly exciting, although he did get three blocks, so there’s that. His blocks per game are actually up this season, he just can’t rebound (5 last night). Like my coach used to tell me, put your arms up and grab the ball! JaVale, you are 7 feet tall!
Danillo Gallinari – Is finding his rhythm after returning from injury, but besides 19 points, didn’t have any assists and only 3 rebounds. He also only went 1-4 from behind the arc.
Josh Smith – He and Joe Johnson played nearly identical time and scored about the same (Smith got 33, Johnson 34). What’s the difference? Smith had 13 boards, 7 assists, and 2 blocks. Johnson had 2 rebounds and 3 assists (and he’s the guard!).
Al Harrington – 19/8/2 off the bench, but his head still disgusts and confuses me.
David Lee – On 8-17 shooting, scored 17 points to go along with 7 rebounds and 4 assists. No blocks, and only one block all month. You don’t drop him because he doesn’t block, but he never really played great defense, did he? He’s the only guy I know (not personally) who nabs as many offensive rebounds as defensive rebounds (note: this may be a lie).
DeMarcus Cousins – 19/12/1/1/1 as I have impure thoughts about my Cousins.
Dorrell Wright – Earned a double double with 14 points and ten boards, but that is his first since February 17th and his fourth all season. In other words, the right choice is not the Wright choice (high five!).
Monta Ellis – I was asked in comments what I thought of the trade. As far as fantasy value, I don’t think Monta Ellis, Brandon Jennings, Andrew Bogut, Drew Gooden and/or Ekpe Udoh see major fluctuations in production, either positively or negatively. They do what they do. As far as Stephen Jackson, the goal is to see him earn a starting spot and produce like he did before this season. Does he do that? Maybe. Hamstring issues aside, I don’t have confidence in players who don’t “fit in.” Play basketball, son.