I love the All Star break, the dunk contest specifically. I know that I’m in the minority – it’s a sham – but I was 22 when Vince Carter ripped down the rim in the slam dunk competition and I was hooked. But my All Star experience has been just like heroin: I’m told you get that first taste and then you wind up chasing the dragon for the rest of your days. Each year I get all excited that someone will surpass that original Carter rush, a player will bring some absolutely undeniably vicious funk to the rim, and make me regain my youth. I hope that the new format will help achieve that for me. But the truth is, even if it does, I know I’ll never get any younger. Which is why I have to live in the now, which as my philosophy prof would say, is Swedish for bullsh*t. My point? Those of you in RCL striking distance of making the playoffs, trade away the future for the now!! Let’s see who has a shot for glory, and who should settle for the glory hole. And you can see where you rank in world domination with the master standings …
JB’s Random Commenter League. Who needs Horse when you got a bowl of 7-2 stew? Not the JB’s, I tell you what. JB Gilpin, Hamilton Hobos, and the ever classy Your Mom Says Hi all helped themselves to a hearty serving of it last week. King James is still holds the monarchy with an overall score of 84-51-0. All hail plankton!, er, I mean King James!
All Country Ball Club. I have a sneaking suspicion that the Russians don’t appreciate all the negative talk surrounding the Olympics, because Moskow Spartakers laid the 8-1 beatski to #HastagsAreDumb. Good thing High as Greg Kite is a pacifist, which is easy to be magnanimous when you’re 94-40-1.
JB’s Random Commenter League 2. “Baby are you feeling nice? Baby are you feeling good? You know your man is working hard, he’s worth a deuce!” The legendary lyrics of Kiss, singing; “Deuce”. I don’t get the meaning. You know who gets it, though? Durant’s World, and Slippery Squirrels, they both won their week with a sensible helping of 7-2 stew. That stew keeps Durant strong, allowing him to stay on top, with an 88-44-3 score.
Razzball League 3 the Ringers. The Ringers were ringing. Certainly one of them got their bell rung, with The New DAy Co-Op beating Drunk on Homebrew 8-1. Fortunately, I have it on good authority, that D.O.H. was so sauced he didn’t feel a thing. He went all rag doll after the first blow, so no broken bones. New Day lives for another day as the king of the hill, with a score of 91-42-2.
Razzball Hardwood Classic. Oh boy, someone’s head is gonna roll in the Classic’s league office. The Classic decided to flashmob a score of 6-3 for week 15 in the quad, but only half the league got the memo. The other half was told to get 5-4. Awkward! Slim Reaper, Hyper Saltinel Force, and Smooth like Butter, the 6-3 winners, are consummate professionals, but they can’t be happy with this latest blunder. Foot’s Flight Crew, the overall leader (and student body President) has compiled a score of 88-46-1, and will act swiftly and decisively!
The Double Bonus Fan League. Dikembe Says No may wag his finger, but this week it’s to stop the beat down, losing 8-1 to Knicks Bricks. Slickpunn is the overall leader with an 87-46-2 score.
Enjoy the dunks this weekend, everyone!