The Razzball Community, like a single barrel scotch, is bold and strong. And like a single barrel scotch in the bloodstream of a Las Vegas stripper, we like to spread our butt cheeks and then drive while intoxicated. Wait, what? Anyway, the Razz-comm (<- term that won’t catch on) enjoy nothing more than to match wits and skills with each other in the fantasy arena (there may be things we enjoy more, but we’ll leave that to the philosophers). The season has come to a close, those of you who weren’t sure if J.R. Smith was for real can finally put that question to rest, and our RCL winners have emerged, basking in the glow of victory. “I remember when I was alive, I lived for the taste of success! So says I, the ghost of Dolph Schayes!” Damn you, Dolph, you aren’t dead yet! “Mayhaps, but your career is!” Moving on…
Ain’t No Sunshine When It Rains – The winner of this league, and the highest points earner in all of RCL-dom, the commodore of the court, the hero of the hardwood, the baron of basketball, was Slippery Squirrels! Shove some nuts in your mouth, you’ve earned them! Of course, S.S. was only in a 10 team league while others were in 12 team leagues, so like Barry Bonds, he will forever have an asterisk next to his achievement. Slippy benefited from the roto format, as both LeBron James and Nic Batum produced prodigiously during the season before quieting down during the H2H playoffs. [Shoot JB an email at firstname.lastname@example.org for your prize!]
Anthony Davis Bidding War – Although it was a tight race, JB Time grabbed victory. That’s not our JB, is it [editor’s note – nope!]? I smell a scandal! Or maybe that’s just me. JB won the Anthony Davis bidding war and won the league. Coincidence? It’s usually not a coincidence that good players lead teams to victory. JB took some “safe” risks by paying big for James Harden and Davis, and his reward has been earned.
The Unibrow – I don’t know what the Lord’s™ mammaries would look like, except maybe victory, as Big Old God Titties squeaked out a victory by one point. Give me a couple of drops from that lactation station, God! Err, what I mean is, we have another #1 team with LeBron. Where are all the Kevin Durant fantasy teams? Second place? What, too soon?
Wide Eyed Wizardry – Hmm, you know, with the Magic, Wizards, Warriors, Celtics, Cavaliers and Kings, it’s easy to forget that the NBA is not an RPG. Actually, it is pretty easy to remember, but anyway, Team Richard won. Richard the lionhearted, defender of the realm, led his team to victory with Kevin Dur, oh, okay, there he is. Ahem. WEW also enjoyed a Chris-favorite Greivis Vasquez. Yay!
Pocket Full of Suns(shine) – Looking at the final standings, it seems Toronto Craptors finished with a dominant lead, which is basically the only time you will see “Toronto” and “dominant” in the same sentence. The Craptors were yet another team with TheBron, not to mention Anthony Davis. He also had both Kyrie Irving and Kyle Lowry, showing there’s no shame in having top point guards. You know, in case anyone though there was shame in that
Kissing Cousins – A neck and neck race for a while, D0nna’s Mate ended up winning the league by a considerable margin. Stephen Curry and Monta Ellis were the only two players on his team with ownership at or above 75%, which demonstrate some considerable fantasy strategy. He also picked up and dropped Andrew Bogut and Andre Drummond more often than a very large fat individual picks up and drops into his gaping maw a hamburger sandwich, ho ho! Forsooth!
TakingOurTalentsToSouthBeach – Finally, this is over…I mean, aww, I can’t believe this is over! Our last league finished with the largest margin of victory yet. In fact, Emilia Clarke passed the 2nd place team by double digit points. So how did Daenerys Targaryen soar to victory? Were there dragons on the team? No! Harden and Davis were on the team, as well as Carmelo Anthony. Do they count? As an aside, at the beginning of the year, I wrote that some people were taking Batum over Melo, and I was going to go with the guy with 15,900 career points. I clearly undervalued Batum, who was a shining star, but I have no regrets going with Melo (especially on one team which finished 1st in an H2H league). The moral of the story is, you should all remember me as the Carmelo Anthony of fantasy basketball blogging.