Like his white gooey namesake, O.J. Mayo globbed on 32 points thanks in part to 6 of 8 three point attempts (that’s 18 points from downtown for those of you keeping score at home). He only had 2 rebounds, 1 assist and 2 steals, but the guy was busy carrying the entire team on his shoulders, so we can probably give him a pass. He already has 86 points this season (4 games). I’ll buy that for $2! Oh, wait, I already did. #humblerotobrag. Eventually he will cool off, and at that point I want to see more peripheral stats, but in the meantime, O.J. owners should enjoy the ride in his white Ford Bronco of basketball success.
Raymond Felton – With 8 assists, he helped spread the ball around. With 16 points, helped bury the Sixers again.
Nick Young – Had problems hitting his shots (4-15, including 2-7 from downtown), but finished with 12 points. However, he only had 1 rebound and 1 assist despite 29 minutes of playtime.
Dorrell Wright – Took a page out of the Nick Young playbook (4-14, including 2-7 from downtown), but he added 9 rebounds and a block to his 14 points.
Brandon Roy – The return has not been very inspiring, I have to say. This time, he scored 6 points (no threes) with 7 assists. Obviously, the assists are good, but he needs to score in the double digits again, and often.
Dante Cunningham – The witty pig had a double double on the night (11/11) with 2 blocks. Well, squee squee my good sir.
Steve Nash – Yesterday I told you the Lakers were expecting him to miss four weeks or so. Today, they are saying he is only going to miss 7-10 days. That could mean he’s back in about a week, or it could mean he’s laying in a morgue somewhere. I wouldn’t drop him, in any event.
Deron Williams – We know he’s good, but how about 18 points and 14 assists good?
Kris Humphries – He had a lackluster performance, tallying 2 points, 4 rebounds and 1 block. Ugh, I may not be a Kardashian but I’m ready to divorce you from my team.
C.J. Watson – Off the bench, 3 threes to add to 13 points, 5 assists, and 1 steal. He had 15 points last time out. Like a man on house arrest, he may be worth monitoring.
Marcin Gortat – The MG watch: 12 points, 13 rebounds, 2 blocks. It’s official; he’s for real. Unlike Haley Joel Osment in A.I.
Gorin Dragic – The 13 points and 9 assists are nice, but he only took 9 shots (made 3) and didn’t surpass 29 minutes as a starter. The game was good, but it’s not quite right.
Shane Battier – Being a starter on the Heat doesn’t mean you’ll do netter than 5 points, 5 rebounds, 2 assists, a steal and a block. Actually, those tidbits at the end helped the rather insubstantial line. It’s not quite substantial, it’s more like eh?stantial.
Ray Allen – Finished with 15 points (3 for 4 from deep), 6 assists, He now has 12 threes and 12 assists on the year, but Mario Chalmers (9 points, 3 threes, 11 assists) continues to edge him out as a starter. They played equal minutes, give or take 18 seconds.
Maurice Williams – Mo Williams, mo assists, as they say on the Jazz. Mo had 17 points, 8 assists, and 4 rebounds. Unfortunately he was only 1 of 5 from beyond the arc.
Zach Randolph – As I say from time to time, if a player has more rebounds than points, it’s usually because they only scored a handful of times. Well, Mr. Randolph scored 16 points, so those 18 boards (9/9 offensive-defensive) were a hell of a performance. As I also say from time to time, his baby head disturbs me to my deepest core.
Quincy Pondexter – Razzball is the only fantasy sports blog in the galactic quadrant that gives this gentleman coverage, and look what he did: 14 points, including 2 of 3 from outside, plus an assortment of other stats (2 rebounds, 1 assist).
Meyers Leonard – Let’s kibbitz a bit about Meyers, he is not seeing a lot of court time but he’s a mensch and still grabbed 9 rebounds and blocked a shot. If he can boost those points a bissel (only 6 last night), we could end up shmaltzy over him. For now, he’s a putz.
Elton Brand – I was asked if he will turn it around. I think so, but apparently he’s still working on it, just accumulating 8 points, 5 rebounds and 2 assists.
Shawn Marion – Another ho-hum Mavericks effort, tallying 8 points, 7 rebounds and 3 assists. Give these guys credit, it’s the assists that really turn boring lines into passable stats.
Chris Kaman – In the shadow of Orange Juice Mayonnaise, he quietly put together 16 points and 6 rebounds. Okay, it wasn’t that quiet, he grunted a bit.
Damian Lillard – He scored 13 points. Not bad, right? 8 of those points were free throws. He took 13 shots. Do the math. Okay, put the calculator away, he missed 2 of 13 field goal attempts. Worse, he missed all but one of his 8 three point shots. Why were the Mavericks even fouling him? He couldn’t get a golf ball into the Gulf of Mexico.
Roy Hibbert – Dr. Hibbert, this is no laughing matter, you only scored 2 points and grabbed 5 rebounds. That’s not what I expect from you!
David West – Now, 10 points, 11 rebounds, that’s more along the lines of what I expect from Hibbert. Good show, David.
DeJuan Blair – The Blair Bench Project had scary results for the Pacers, as DeJuan came into the game to lead his team in minutes and put up 14 while dragging down 11. He also had 4 assists. Make sure to get your dimes, they add up to big bucks.
Danny Green – Oh Danny boy, the stats, the stats are calling. For 10 points to 4 boards, and downtown, 2 threes.
Tristan Thompson – He had a ton of floor time, 32 minutes in fact, and scored 1 point. He had 8 rebounds, 3 steals and 1 block. Disappointing is the word I’m looking for.
Dion Waiters – Thank Heaven for 7-11…from three point land. He scored 28 points, but only had 3 rebounds and 1 assist.
Anderson Varejao – He had an impressive double double with 15 points, 15 rebounds, plus a block.
DeAndre Jordan – With 10 points and 6 rebounds, he had a ho hum game. Oh wait, what’s that? He had 5 blocks? Hey now.
Jae Crowder – The waiver wire temptress had 19 points, including 4 threes, but just the 1 assist with 0 steals.
Lamar Odom – It was my mistake to rank him anywhere, given his performances. He played just 4 minutes and scored 2 points with 2 turnovers. He is pretty much unownable in any league.
Harrison Barnes – Teaching a lesson about what you can catch if you get too excited for rookie nookie, he finished the night with 6 points, 4 assists, 1 steal, and 0-3 from behind the arc.
Andrew Bogut – Looks like he’s not 100% yet, because if he is 100% yet, he’s in trouble. He played less than 19 minutes for 12 points, 3 rebounds and 1 block.
Stephen Curry – With 39 minutes of court time, he managed 12 points, 6 rebounds and 8 assists. These assists last night are really the only thing stopping me from murder-alizin’ some of these players.
Marcus Thornton – Off the bench again, he had 16 points, 3 assists, 1 steal, 4 rebounds, and the only real blemish was going 2 of 8 from downtown.
DeMarcus Cousins – There’s really no need to talk about how great it is to be involved with Cousins, but here’s a reminder: 23 points, 15 rebounds, 2 blocks and an assist for the hell of it.
Barack Obama – According to former Baseball Prospectus turned New York Times writer Nate Silver, the President is over 90% likely to win a second term, but you should go vote even if you think your vote for Obama or Mitt Romney doesn’t matter. Local and state offices have more impact on your life than the president ever could, anyway. Speaking of the race for president, may I present Jeff Boss for your consideration? He has evidence that 9/11 was an inside job. Shhh…the NSA may be listening right now.