Anyone stay up to watch some of the Geminid meteor shower start up last night? I love astronomy. And it’s not really that different from fantasy. You use math and all sorts of techy stats like Win Shares or True Shooting Percentage or Gravitational Microlensing to find far off worlds and far off fantasy production. Then if you’re lucky enough, like having the reigns at the greatest fantasy hub known to man, you get to name your own planets! Of course astronomers find so many exoplanets these days that H2894B is the best they got for creative nomenclature. I got Goromotaros! Rainbow Lines! And LaMarcus Aldridge fit the bill of them all, with a redonkulous 31/25/2/2/2 slash last night. He shot 12-22 and is playing like a MVP. I ranked him too low. I ranked him like a worthless Neptune when he is really a Jupiter. According to Basketball Monster, he’s your #7 overall player. And his only real negative is he doesn’t shoot threes – which is what ThrAGNOFs are for! I also thought the Blazers weren’t going to be a gas giant out there. Maybe a little white dwarf. But they’re going off and my ridiculous conception that LA could be traded if this year didn’t work looks horrible now. I’ll admit stupidity there, but the Blazers are virtually the same team. And now it’s clicking. There’s planetary alignment. So when you’re done watching basketball, bundle up, grab some adult beverages and head out to watch the shooting stars late tonight. It helps ease the worldly constraints of stress and fantasy disappointments – at least it does for me – and helps you just think bigger… Here’s what else I saw last night:
Brook Lopez – Looked like a giraffe had just sprained his ankle and was wandering to the water hole. Man he looked funky. But he was able to come back into the game, albeit briefly, before getting sent on a safari. He is traveling for tonight’s game, but I think he sits.
Chris Paul – Oddest stat of the night. Only 2 assists?!?!?! What in the wide world of sports?!?!? Still put up 20 points, but man, a Wichita State there.
Blake Griffin – If you zone out during free throws, like I tend to do, you woulda forgot Blake was in this game. I mean, can you blame him with all that youthful defensive pressure from Paul Pierce, Andray Blatche and Kevin Garnett! Clippers were just lost on this second game of a back-to-back. Bad call thinking the Clips would win big here. The Beal Deal had this one. Luckily he imparted his infallible knowledge to me via lottery numbers, but if anything Lost-ish happens I’m comin’ after ya!
Andray Blatche – Got really hot in the third quarter. 21/9/3 on 7-11 shooting. No BroLo will only help Blatche YOLO. Worth a very short-term pickup… yo…
Paul Pierce – Looked like Michael Jackson with a black mitten on one hand. Was it a Kitten Mitten?!?! 10/7/5 and looked decent in just over 26 mins. I mean, cats have 9 lives, Pierce is probably toward the end of those in his NBA career, but I expect minutes to get ramped up in 2014 and he use whatever lives he was left.
Robin Lopez – Decided he could rebound. I don’t do much of any “real” NBA reading, so I don’t know if this has been talked about much, but he’s been a real X-Factor for this team turning around. Put in an awkward Sideshow Bob, and just when you think you’re about to get decapitated by a pseudo-dreadlock poking out, zoom! Damian Lillard is past ya! RoLo for 16/10 last night has him with double-doubles in 7 of the past 9 and he’s scored 8+ in 12 straight games. Has at least one block in the past six games, averaging almost 2 per in that span. Yeah, I shoulda put more stock in him, Slim had this one right. All hail Slim!
Damian Lillard – Shot like Gordon Hayward. Threw up labradoodles! I need a refresher, who said labradoodles was a good safe word? Clyde? Uh oh, now it sounds like me and Clyde are dating. We’re only casual OK?! D-Lill for 1-10 8/6 on a night where I pleaded with Slim to trade for him. But we made a different deal work. A trade in the REL went through, rejoice!
Dwight Howard – Abused RoLo, but hey, the Blazers won and both were winners in fantasy. Dwight for 32/17/1/2/3 just wasn’t as good as LaMarcus, but he gave it a run. Dwight shooting 14-22 and 4-6 FT is delicious as well. But he took a three point shot in this game?! He’s actually 0-2 now on the year. How did that happen?! Let’s focus on about 10 feet closer in at the FT line, OK buddy?! Must’ve been a shot clock count down or Howard was just plain lost…
Patrick Beverley – Woooooo! I feel like one night is a woooo and the next night is an awwwww. 9/11/2/3/1 but shot a paltry 3-10.
Jeremy Lin – Returned, and his main function was lighting a fire under PBev. 15 minutes for 5/2/2. Getting eased in. As Chubbs would say, “It’s all in the hips, yeah! It’s all the hips! Just easing the tension baby!”
Kyle Lowry – In trading talks with the Knicks for Raymond Felton. Swap one injury prone PG for another. Seems asinine.
Steven Adams – They grow em healthy in New Zealand! Apparently walking fine and is questionable today. Don’t want him to miss any PT because I want him starting! It’s no fun ignoring Kendrick Perkins every game…
Steve Blake – Ugh. Out at least 6 weeks with a pitcher’s injury. At least he’s stashed a bunch of dimebags to pass the time! Sounds like the same thing that Matt Harvey got, except Blake isn’t getting a TJ. Which just thinking of that makes me sad. I love me some Matt Harvey… Anyway, droppable in all leagues making Jordan Farmar and Steve Nash relevant in deeper leagues as they near comebacks.
Ty Lawson – Looks like he’ll be back tonight. Lawson owners go crazy.
Rudy Gay – Debut alert! Should be starting for the Kings tonight. Nothing in Sacramento has been this exciting since Vlade Divac learned about the discovery of razors…
Tobias Harris – Might be back tonight. A lot of guys returning to the floor. I scurred though. Scurrrrrrrred! I don’t like any of the Magic F situation right now.
Ed Davis – Another guy returning. I still think Jon Leuer is the guy you want of the two and Leuer still gets upper 20s in minutes. He’s just a better all-around guy. Which was my selling point to the ladies… Because, let’s face it, it’s tough to pick up chicks in a He Hate Me jersey…
Next games: I’ve got Yahoo highlights for NYK @ BOS then CHI @ MIL. Both retribution games from recent bad losses. The Knicks got blown out by the Cs, and the Bulls just plain losing to the Bucks in Chicago is embarrassing enough! I hope you all enjoy the weekend and win your fantasy matchups! And hope clear weather gets you to see some major shooting stars action. See you next Monday!
