Nene did some rootin’-tootin’ debutin’ last night for the Wiz. He couldn’t have picked a better time or place to do it than against the Nets. Maybe the Bobcats. Or the Washington Generals. I’m not sure there’s a difference, really. You’ve never seen James Vilsaint and Bismack Biyombo in the same room, have you? You haven’t. Come to think of it, for most of this season there hasn’t been much of a difference between the D.C. Generals and the Wiz, but with last night’s thumping of the Nets, it occurs to me how much more important Nene is to this young team than his former squad in Denver. The Wizards’ only veteran leadership has come from train car pileups Rashard Lewis and Andray Blatche. Trading JaVale McGee, perhaps the most dented nail in the tool box, for a scrapper like Nene is probably worth more than the 10-12 games he seems destined to miss each season. So what’s it mean for your fantasy team? Not much. But he was already a fourth or fifth-round guy. The important news here is that Nene will do in D.C. what Nene did in Denver, which is a relief if you own him. Just as his 22/10/2 in 31 minute debut was a relief. What’s not a relief? “Nene Does D.C.” is almost certainly the name of an upcoming Tyler Perry movie. I can just feel it. Here’s more fantasy basketball news for your eye holes.
Gerald Green – He ended last night with an unflashy 9/4/1, with a trio of turnovers, a three, a steal and a block. Still kind of solid considering the guy was left to the wolves three seasons ago. Why isn’t there a Gerald Green version of the Jeremy Lin phenomenon happening here? It’s because he’s black, right? Plays for New Jersey? Because “Gerald and Awed” is not as catchy as “Linsanity?” What is it?
Serge Ibaka – He’s amassed 43 blocks in his last 11 games, including another three last night. He’s only had fewer than three blocks once in that time and more than four in five of those games. I’m pointing this out not because you can do anything about it now, but to remind you how hard you were trying to trade him after a month of basketball back in January. This is what Michelle Obama would call a teachable moment. The season is long and patience is either 1) a virtue or 2) the reason you owned Lamar Odom past February.
Derek Fisher – Debuted for OKC with 5/1/1, including a block and a three. Stop it. Don’t make tell you not to add an 82-year-old reserve to your fantasy roster.
Blake Griffin – Finished with seven points on 3-for-11 shooting. I didn’t see this game, but I’d love a recap on how he missed eight of his 11 dunk attempts. How many times did he accidentally jump over the backboard? So embarrassing!
Dorell Wright – Sugar Nate and Dorell the Explorell had been the two most productive Warriors of the last seven games coming into last night’s bout against the Hornets. Wright sank a pair of threes and Robinson had 10 assists, but generally, they were all quiet on the southern front last night.
Klay Thompson – 27/5/5, with a quartet of threes. The Gee Ess Dubya attempted 29 threes last night (made 14 of ‘em). I haven’t watched a Warriors game since Monta left, but does everyone just kind of stand near the three-point line and chuck up some stuff for David Lee to rebound? (He had half of his team’s eight ORBDs.)
Jarrett Jack – Earned the league’s 11th triple-double last night (17/10/11). It was a creepy triple-double. A little too perfect. 6-for-9 from the field, 1-for-1 from the arc, and he hit all four of his free throw attempts. He didn’t have an assist, a steal, a block or a turnover. Not one. Jack’s a Stepford Wife. By every metric, J.J. is having a career year, which means I’ll be bidding low on him next season.
Michael Beasley – Played 11 minutes and ended with 4/1/0. Then he decided to take a powder for a few days. Or perhaps he said “take powder.” Or maybe he said “tape ‘Powder.’” Nothing good can come from any of those options. Either way, I stopped listening to (and rostering) him long ago.
Nikola Pekovic – Missed last night’s game and will miss the next game, too. In my head, he and Rubio are Ferris Bueller-ing in the Twin Cities during their days off. Don’t take this image away from me.
Tony Parker – Il a quitté le match avec une blessure à la cuisse après avoir joué seulement 10 minutes. In English that translates to, “aw f*#%.” As a Spurs fan, I’m not too worried because San Antonio has more weapons to attack with than every Texian defending the Alamo. As a Parker fan, I’m wondering about your allegiance to the French.
John Lucas – Eleven threes in five games. That’s also one three-pointer per inch of height. (That’s a crack about his stature for all you art schoolers.)
Jerryd Bayless – Suffering from a hip pointer, Jerry D played a little more than a minute before leaving the game for good. Hey, here’s a hip pointer, make sure your skinny tie never extends past your ironic cassette tape belt buckle. Wait. Maybe that was a Hipster Pointer.
James Johnson – 16/7/2, with a steal from the former Bull against the current Bulls. This is what happens to guys who get sent to Canada … they come back all p.o.’ed and nuclear.
Andrea Bargnani – Cold. 2-for-10. That’s ice bucket down your undies cold. That’s movie theater air conditioning in the summer cold. That’s ‘Oops, I locked myself out of my house at 6:15 in the morning trying to get the newspaper and it’s February’ cold. That’s ‘Hey Adam, no one actually reads papers anymore and they certainly don’t have them delivered to their house’ cold. Geez. That last one really was cold. Let’s just move on.
Jason Richardson – Most people wouldn’t assume he could do worse than the 1-for-7 he showcased against Chicago on Monday. Most people don’t know what they’re talking about. So says Steve Jobs and Ayn Rand. 0-for-7 last night.
Rodney Stuckey – Out. Missed all the Ben Gordon fun. Wait. I’m sorry. I’m being told he was the reason Ben Gordon had all the fun.
Ben Gordon – Dropped 45 points in 41 minutes going 9-for-9 from behind the arc. He hasn’t hit nine threes since April 2006 and only surpassed 45 points once (48 points on March 4, 2007). He also had eight dimes. So put that feather in cap and smoke it.
JaVale McGee – 15/7, with 3 blocks in 24 reserve minutes. Reader’s note: JaVale McNugget playing 21 reserve minutes coached by George Karl > than 28 starter’s minutes coached by Randy Wittman.
Jason Kidd – 6/1/2, with 4 steals and 2 threes. Kidd is easily the least fun fantasy player that should be owned in leagues with more than 12 teams.
Daniel Gibson – Missed last night’s game. Usually I like when a Boobie is out. Not this time, though.
Tristan Thompson – Played well Monday. Played less well last night. 13/5, with a steal, two blocks and five turnovers. He should be owned in all leagues.
Kirk Hinrich – I know the Hawks are playing well and that Marvin Williams is no great shakes, but for the life of me, I don’t understand how Hinrich is still in a starting lineup. My guess is he plays the guitar and writes sweet ditties about the coaching staff. It worked for every cool college kid I ran across in my day.
Spencer Hawes – E-mailed his foot specialist for permission to play 28 mpg instead of 24. He went 1-for-7 and fouled five times. If I were a finger-wagging parent I’d suggest Spencer worry less about his minutes and more about his production. I’m not a parent so instead I suggest he do some body shots and worry about this shizz some other day.
Evan Turner – 27/22/7 in his last four. That was the best way I could think to phrase his supreme decline this week. He’s nostalgic for a simpler time as a reserve for the Sixers. That was the nicest way I could think to phrase the fantasy benching he’s got coming to him.
Baron Davis – Returned from his hamstring injury and played like maybe his hamstring injury isn’t fully healed. Still, it didn’t seem all that serious, so I’m calling it a shamstring injury. I’m also calling the Knicks reserves the Royal Court from here on out. There’s a baron, and earl and shumpert is close enough to strumpet, whom all the earls and barons had fun with during down time.