The Finals are here (well for RCL and most standard H2H leagues)! And if you’re like me, and you didn’t have Kevin Durant or LeBron James on any of your teams and got knocked out, it’s baseball time! Shameless plug! Starting next Monday, you can check out my Pitcher Profiles if you’re about to hopscotch to baseball as well. To those of you still in your fantasy basketball playoffs, I HATE YOU! Haha just kidding. It was a whirlwind of sports going on over the weekend: rounding out my baseball drafts/opening night, whittling down to the Final Four in March Madness, Hank Dobson’s Mini-Mart and Country performing on the uneven parallel bars in the Independent Nations Games. A wild time. But what sparked my eye, or ruffled my gander, or something like that the hardest was D.J. Augustin going career-high on us with 33 Pts. Ended his night with a 33/1/3/1/0 line shooting 10-14 (3-4 3PTM 10-10 FT) in a %s dominatrix. My safe word is “gimme more assists!” A huge Sunday sendoff and a big bounce back from that Turd Ferguson earlier in the week against the Pacers. He’s a guy I bet a lot of scuffling teams dropped while streamboating in the playoffs and should be owned in your title run. Not to be confused with your “tittie run”, which might be the most enjoyable 5K anyone could come up with it. Here’s what else I saw over the busy weekend in NBA action:
Razzball Basketball NCAA Bracket Pool - Well, look at you matt. You’re all blued out and raging everywhere. “No I’m afraid I just blue myself…” Since I have Florida as do the other highest scorers, it looks like this is your win. Have fun naming my RCL team next year! Nothing inappropriate, this is a family site.
Pau Gasol - Misses another. “It’s our nausea!” While one dude who’s bald steps in, Jordan Hill fades into obscurity yet again. I’m glad baseball is here because I am bummin’ on hoops hard.
Chris Kaman - Kaman in my pants! As I recall it was a horror film… Redonkulous ownage of the Suns lack of strong interior D for a career-high 28 Pts (which surprised me since he’s had an All-Star year in there). 28/17/6/0/0 shooting 13-19. No update on Gasol’s status, who was officially ruled out last second. So it’s going to be really hard to steadfastly recommend any of these three against the Blazers tomorrow – gun to my head, I’m first going to poop in my pants then say Kaman.
Kevin Love - Still posted a decent 14/9/3 line, but after the game he said he was exhausted. Yeah, of losing! Regardless of his subtext or lack thereof, it doesn’t bode well for a team out of the playoff race. Cross your fingers a DNP doesn’t sneak in there.
Anderson Varejao - Hurt his shoulder sliding into second. Dammit! I mean trying to dish the ball. What’s he doing trying to dime! Get under the basket, Sideshow! Probably will miss time and is easily cuttable in virtually all formats. Shocker! Varejao hurt again…
Tristan Thompson - Slim’s kryptonite for 12/16/1/2/0 yesterday, seeing his minutes top 30 after five games under. No Varejao should mean some rebound gluttony from TT double-cat.
Draymond Green - Another solid multi-cat line that is staying under the radar. 4/5/1/1/3 in 32 minutes, but while the Warriors are banged up he’s gonna keep getting the minutes. Those numbers won’t carry you, and the Warriors play M/W/F on very busy nights, but just a thought for Sunday if you need a multi-cat boost to end your week.
Robin Lopez - 9/10/1/0/3 and I lost in one league by one block. I guess that’s fantasy karma for ya…
Markieff Morris - While not getting banged on by Chris Kaman, 16/12/1/3/2 in a near-rainbow sizzle-fest. Must be good to come off the bench when Miles Plumlee is the starter!
Kent Bazemore - I lost by 5 FGM in a league as well, so Bazemore’s 12/6/5/2/1 near-rainbow means nothing to me! Chuck up more shots! “It’s not all about you, JB!” Shut up!
Kendall Marshall - His minutes the last three games are more variant than Mel Gibson’s mood swings. 28 to 15 to 37 in a ton of run last night, notching a dimebag. My next toilet paper choice will be something in purple and gold.
Jared Sullinger - Sully! At least this call came through. Wasn’t huge, but 16/10/2/0/1 with a couple of treys. Three straight pretty consistent games while being usable for a good stretch again.
Joakim Noah - Fantasy MVP! Like I said in the open, if you didn’t get KD or King James, you were fighting an uphill battle all year. Noah might end up being the fantasy MVP considering he was third roundish I believe. 13/8/13/1/1. Beastmode.
Jonas Valanciunas - Wellllllll maybe I got this one wrong. Peril of seeing a few games and observing something that may have been changed. I think his back was jacked up for a while, and it’s finally stretching out. 20/9/0/1/1 shooting 6-8 and 8-8 FT. That’s the kind of line he was putting up late last year that made me love him! What a disaster trying to figure out the Luminescent Lithuanian this year. It’s been a Larry Drew enigma. I’ll rank him exactly at 100 next year, and when he does something good I’ll say “at least I had him in my top 100!” and when he’s bad say “well, had him just outside my top 100…”
Rajon Rondo - Solid yesterday, sitting today. Still should give you three starts and at least tonight is a busy-un.
David Lee - Still can’t run on his balky hammy. I wouldn’t be surprised if he misses all but maybe one game this week, and that’s optimistic. Hopefully by mid-week he can be like Val Kilmer in Real Genius. “Do you run?” “Only when chased!”
Jarrett Jack - “Wahhhhhhh, I’m Jarrett Jack!” Every time.
Kevin Durant - Why having the first pick in snake drafts is unfair. All fantasy basketball should be auctions from here on out. I might have to do that for RCL. But the peril in that is some schmohawk buying KD, someone like Stephen Curry, then someone like Serge Ibaka, then leaving for autodraft. Thoughts Razzball Nation?
Enes Kanter - Modeled his game after Tristan Thompson to get into the starting lineup. 12/10/0.9/0.3/0.3 in March. Hey, there’s value there though! Too bad he’s awful on D and I don’t think has a future as a starter – more an effective reserve 4/5. But for the rest of this year, you can get your dub-dub on!
Nikola Vucevic - Damn, I wish he was on more of my teams. Might have made a difference down the stretch! 22/10/4/1/2 shooting 10-13.
Gorgui Dieng - 11 boards in only 19 minutes. 5/11/0/2/0 isn’t going to get it done in shallower leagues, but man, he’s going to be a sexy sleeper next year if Nikola Pekovic heads elsewhere.
Shaun Livingston - About to nickname him “Steady as she blows!” Haha, sorry, that’s Monica Lewinsky’s nickname. Livingston is going to be a pretty hot free agent – so things will likely alter with a possible change of scenery – but to round out this year, solid multi-cat with good ratios. 13/2/4/0/2 shooting 4-5 with 5-6 FT yesterday.
Henry Sims - Criminally underowned. 16/7/1/1/0 on Saturday shooting 8-14. On a fantastic run, and at least I hit a good call in March to have a high note towards the end of the year.
Blake Griffin - Doubtful tonight and a horribly timed injury. I mentioned how durable he’d become last week too! Matt Barnes, while already close to must-own territory regardless, looks to be a goldmine in the championship week. 15/10/2/1/1 with no TOs and a couple of threes on Saturday.
Terrence Jones - Waiting to [get] McHale‘d. What’s great about that pun if you even got it, is the movie stars Whitney Houston.
Pero Antic - Was able to return Saturday for 13/12/1/0/0, was able to knock down a trey, and was able to avoid a single turnover. I think he’s us-able.
Ray McCallum - Got the starting nod with Isaiah Thomas still ailing with a bad quad. 16/4/8/2/1 for McCallum in a big near-rainbow. The big shocker was he played the full 48 minutes! Solid run for Ray-Mac with no IT2, and would be a fine plug-n-play if still available and no IT2 tonight.
God-forsaken Bucks - 67 points on Saturday. Wilt Chamberlain averaged 17 less than that for a full season. Just an atrocity.
Next Game: BOS @ CHI tonight. D.J. times two? Will be interesting to see how the Celtics try to slow him down this time. Let’s all cheer for Slim to take that REL crown and have a good opening day of baseball while you set up your lineups!