Kevin Garnett intensified the normally routine preseason on Tuesday by earning a technical foul and then laughing about it. The refs mistook the smile for Cagey bearing his teeth and ejected him after the second technical. To be fair, he earned that first technical by calmly discussing a foul call, which the new NBA rule (a week away from becoming an old NBA rule), says you can no longer do. To be fair2 Garnett never “calmly discusses” anything anymore without getting on all fours and punching the court with his fists. As I said, the league is already considering going easy on a rule designed so the league would stop going easy, so this might be as useless as teaching math to monkeys in a week’s time, but these new rules could absolutely wreak havoc on passionate players. No air punching, no running to the opposite end of the court if you don’t like the call, no arguing, no assplay, no sticking your hands underneath your armpits and sniffing them, no Darko noogies, no snapping Mo Williams‘ headband unless he snaps yours first. Mass hysteria! The rule will likely get altered before October 26, but if you’re trying to decide between picking Dwight Howard and someone who didn’t lead the league in technical fouls last season, it’s yet another thing to keep in mind.
Here’s what else happened in the fantasy basketball world this week:
Hedo Turkoglu – Left Tuesday’s game with a bruised back. Preseason injuries are like slam dance night at the retirement village: everyone’s backs are going out.
Ron Artest – Tuesday was Ron Artest Day in Vegas. The mayor gave him the key to the city and everything. If five years ago you asked me to guess, between Tru Warrior and Gilbert Arenas, which one would enact numerous philanthropic efforts and which one would bring a gun to the locker room and lie about injuries, I’d have guessed wrong.
JaVale McGee – Look, no one has been pressing the top floor button of the JaVelevator more than I have, but maybe it’s time to temper that excitement. Flip Saunders wants more substance and less style from McGee. Meanwhile, Epic Vale has no idea what that means. It’s like when Mr. Burns insisted Don Mattingly shave off his sideburns. “I’m giving you substance, Flip. After I tomahawked that dunk, I curtsied! what more do you want!?!”
Marreese Speights – The Ace of Speights was carried to the locker room Wednesday after awkwardly landing on his knee. Doug Collins said it was a mild hamstring sprain, which is good news. Unless you’re Elton Brand, who must be wondering why he carried Speights into the locker room like a fairy tale princess, with Speights’ legs dangling over his arm. Now things are going to be weird in the locker room.
Michael Beasley – I don’t want to freak you out or anything, but Beasley is average 0.8 3pt/16 pts/1.5 stl/1.5 blk in his first four preseason games. Okay, maybe I wanted to freak you out a little.
DeMarcus Cousins – Paul Westphal said he imagines Boogie only averaging 24-25 minutes per game this season and that’s if he doesn’t foul out first. Ugh. He’s averaging 16.4 pts/9.6 rbd so far this preseason. Way to kick me in the junk, Paul.
Samuel Dalembert – Sammy D’s back did what the Haitian quake couldn’t: force him to miss 4-6 weeks. Did Westphal have something to do with this? Hasn’t someone told him how fun the Kings are supposed to be this season. Next thing you’re gonna tell me is Tyreke Evans sprained both his ankles or something.
Tyreke Evans – No! Why is Tyreke Evans’ name here? Did that sonuvabee actually sprain both of his ankles? Dammit! Is he going to be okay by Opening Day? He will? Good.
Omri Casspi – I’m pretty sure Westphal didn’t have any news that the fantasy community wanted to hear this week as Casspi will be coming off the bench in favor of Donte Greene, who is not very good at the game of basketball.