What’s a good playoff intro? Should I do the completely played out Jim Mora thing? “Playofffs? Playoffs? You’re talking about playoffs?” Yea, let’s not do that. Let’s just get to the information you crave in the same fashion Beluga whales do fresh Salmon. My chicken and I have a long day tomorrow of watching Game Of Thrones episodes so I’m gonna cut it short. Here’s what happened this weekend in fantasy basketball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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If you’re looking for fantasy basketball salvation this Easter weekend, Andre Drummond may be the closest your team gets playoff savior. He’s the missing link, drop everything and go pick him up! After missing two months with a back injury, rookie Andre Drummond returned to the court last night to start at center and scored 17 points (80 FG%) with 4 rebounds, 2 blocks and 2 steals. Drums has massive rebounding upside that we didn’t even see last night. In 13 January games before the injury, Dre averaged 8.8 points, 9.2 rebounds and 2.1 blocks. Translation: dude is an absolute beast on the boards. You can ask Greg Monroe (11 pts, 13 reb), Andre’s words-with-friend and personal mentor. With Drums figuring to be a huge part of the future of the Pistons, it’s hard to imagine they won’t give him every opportunity to play in the few games there is left. Drummond’s free throw percentage is rough, but the defensive stats are there and his upside alone makes him a great add in all leagues, especially for those in need of rebounds and blocks.  With the waiver wire scraps getting thinner by the day, Andre Drummond could definitely warrant a spot on your fantasy playoff roster.

Here’s what else happened in fantasy basketball Friday night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

So the season’s wrapping up, fantasy-wise, most of you should be in your last week of playoffs, or near it. I do trust you’ve had fun so far, I know I have. I wanted to leave with a Chris Rock-esque drop of the microphone, but I’m struggling to convey that through print. In addition, it really only works if you have built up to a high point, a crescendo, if you will, and I have been moving in the opposite direction really. Perhaps meekly putting the mike back to where I found it is more appropriate.

In actuality, I only got the opportunity to write for you, dear sports fan, due to a metaphoric injury, much like a prize fighter who gets subbed in for by a scrub at the last minute, because the headliner broke his hand. But the show must go on…

I will endeavor to continue to provide you, good reader, with the best advice your money can buy. And seeing as this is a free service, mitigate your expectations accordingly:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It was yet another nail in the proverbial coffin for the Lakers last night, as they lost yet again to the Milwaukee Bucks and Kobe Bryant left the arena with another injury, an apparent bone spur in his foot that flared up. He was spotted on one crutch Tiny Tim style. If the Lakers make the playoffs, Kobe will have to declare, “God bless us, everyone!”

For fantasy owners, this is a devastating injury, because as much as Kobe will want to play through it, we saw him be ineffective after the ankle sprain and I bet misses a few games right in your playoff run. You definitely can’t drop him either, so depth through the playoffs will be brought to the forefront. Hopefully you can brave the injury like Maximus in Gladiator and still put it in the throat of the weirdly effeminate Joakin Phoenix. Wait, that sounds more like Caligula than Gladiator

Here’s what else went down last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I bet you haven’t heard and I’m breaking the news… The Heat lost last night!  27 games in a row, down the drain.  One of the most impressive streaks we’ve seen in American sports is over.  However, instead of linking highlights to the game, I think this sketch from one of the best sketch comedy shows Mr. Show encapsulates what happened last night.  David Cross is the Bulls and Bob Odenkirk is the Heat.

Fantasy-wise, the Heat big three had their usual games and Luol Deng was the Bulls top performer with 28 Pts and 4 3PTM.  It was one of the most-hyped, most-talked about regular season NBA games in recent memory, so apologies this isn’t a fantasy-heavy open.  That’s what the rest is for!

Here’s what else went down across a heavy slate of NBA action (yes, there were other games!):

Please, blog, may I have some more?

In a light slate of games, there were two premiere matchups with the Knicks at Celtics and Clippers at Mavericks.  What game do I get highlights for?  Timberwolves at Pistons.  C’mon Gary!  J.J. Barea looked good!  Sigh.

The Knicks took care of the Celtics and apparently after being compared to Stevie Nicks in a major sports media outlet, have started playing like a team atop the East again.  In the West, The Mavs needed overtime to knock off the Clippers with both Chris Paul and Dirk Nowitzki putting up 33 a piece.  “Whatever you can do, I can do equal!”  How communistic.

Let’s go through the noteworthy fantasy performances last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

You ever feel like you made the wrong move and it sticks with you all season?  Kinda like when you go anywhere that Tehol has chosen for drinks and hook up with someone.  “Something to give my dingle less tingle.  Me fast want slow!  Wait, no that’s Indian….”  “Tea for dong!”

But sometime you make the right move.  Now that I have the Sword of Destiny, it was also destiny for me to draft John Wall on a lot of my teams, a move that seemed OK while Wall worked his way back, but in the past month Wall has been unreal.  (Wait, no Miami Heat streak lead?  This isn’t ESPN?)  He carved up the Grizzlies last night for a career-high 47 Pts on an unreal 13-22 FG and 19-24 FT.  Oh and he happened to season that delicious entree with 2 3PTM 7 Rebs 8 Asts 1 Stl and 1 Blk.  Needless to say, it was easily a top-5 fantasy line on the season.  Huzzah for stashing!  I got high on my own supply!

Let’s take a look at what else went down last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It’s crunch time people. We are in the playoffs and it’s balls to the wall from here on out. No long intro this week fortunately or unfortunately for you, as my body is still trying to repulse the HPV that Tahitian drag queen gave me in Bora Bora. I can hardly keep my eyes open for you, the readers, I would never leave hanging. Let’s hop right into this past weekend’s hit or miss performances.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Moe Harkless struck the Thunder for a career high 25 points last night and the rookie added 9 rebounds, 4 steals, 4 blocks and hit 3 threes. I’ve been pushing Moe for a while now, so this performance was a long time coming. Maurice is averaging a mediocre 10.7 pts and 5.4 rebounds over the past two weeks, but what really raises my fantasy eyebrow is the 3 steals a game. Do you know where your wallet is? No? Probably because Harkless just took it. Just like that. He’s that good. In fact, Moe has 21 steals in the past 6 games alone! Hashtag cleptomanic! Nikola Vucevic sat this game, and Arron Afflalo left the game in the first quarter in some serious pain. This explains Moe’s 45 minutes, and he should get major burn and plenty of touches going forward. Harkless is available in over 20% of leagues, if your looking for a playoff push, Harkless has all the tools to fill up all a stat sheet. And the steals! *drools  Go steal him from waivers before someone else does!

Here’s what else happened in fantasy basketball Friday night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

If you’re like me, you’re afflicted with the “March Madness”. And you love it. It consumes your every thought, much like the image of Sophia Veraga and Christina Hendricks, in nighties, you know, doing sexy things to each other…

Fun fact: the busiest day for booking vasectomies is the Wednesday before the beginning of the Tournament. So the snipped one can lounge on the couch all day with a bag of frozen peas on his mutilated nethers and take in 12 hours of frenzied basketball without being bothered by his lady. True fact, look it up. What I’m getting at is although you may be in the midst of your fantasy playoffs, we’re all too occupied to watch the hours of NBA required to give in depth analysis at the moment, as I have bag of peas on my junk. Metaphorically speaking. And I expect you to be a gracious partner and leave me to my tournament, and would it kill you to make me a sandwich?

Too far? Fine, here’s a smattering of add/drops:

Please, blog, may I have some more?