Wow. Last night was rocky. For a lot of people. Hopefully your playoff teams came out of the better end! Lots of guys with minor injuries were forced to sit, and within only minutes of each other Nikola Vucevic and Josh Smith got ejected in different games. Pretty much like the wild west out there! Next thing you know, I’m quoting Will Smith from that god forsaken movie… “Let me kindly stand up!” Probably the biggest benefactor in what will be dubbed “DNP-Day” was Aaron Brooks, who started for Ty Lawson who had “illness”. Wow, that sounds ominous. Brooks went all 2009 on us, and posted a redonk 27/6/17 line. Dude, if you played in a daily league or if you were streaming Brooks for the dimes, you just got a major sign from the fantasy gods. “You, my son, are blessed with stats that overfloweth!” Distribute some to us less fortunate ones! The Nugs play again on Friday, and it’s tough to say what Lawson’s status will be by then. Ricky Rubio went bonkers on the Mavs last night (more below), so if Brooks does get the start – cue the Pavlovian salivating. Here’s what else I saw last night in fantasy hoops action (and if you get here early enough, be sure to sign up for the Razzball NCAA Bracket pool with a fun prize to the winner!):
LeBron James – A ridiculous, out-of-nowhere, kick you in your nuts DNP with back spasms. You can’t wear a mask for that?! Pretty sure he shoulda called up Shaq for an Icy Hot patch.
Rajon Rondo – Near trip-dub! “I’m so much better than a LeBron-less Heat!” 9/10/15 and powering the Celtics to a nice win. Plus no one else in green had more than 5 boards. Celtics suck.
Kris Humphries – This was the sort of game where he shoulda gone off against bad Heat interior D. Instead, only 15 minutes. I think he was envious that he wasn’t coaching in March Madness so decided to give fantasy owners some madness.
Mario Chalmers – 11 dimes. We call that a dimebag! Glad he smoked me up last night after I almost ditched him. Best way to apologize ever!
Joakim Noah – I heard he’s been playing well. And has a movie coming out about this season. His stats are flooding the world. Russell Crowe looks nothing like him though!
Tony Wroten – Who cares if the premise is wrong if the result is right! I said repeatedly months ago that Wroten would be a great playoff stash, and 17/6/7/2/0 with four treys for ya. Did kill your FT be reverting to his terrible ways going 1-6 in freebies, but whatever! Michael Carter-Williams is still alive and kickin’ but it was James Anderson who was out. Regardless, Wroten needs to be owned in virtually all leagues.
Deron Williams – Had a little lull last week, but 25/3/8 last night with three treys and 6-6 FT. Coming on at the right time. Surprisingly, he avoided the DNP bug.
Shaun Livingston – A little bit of a bounceback night – 17/3/2/1/0 is pretty good when you shoot 5-9 and 7-9 FT. Livingston is just a human bounceback story!
Jonas Valanciunas – Part of DNP-Day. But he has been bad anyway. Did stretch and warm-up though, so likely to return Friday.
Amir Johnson – Looked really good in 35 minutes, rainbow flirting with a 17/9/2/1/2 line and a trey. Hold JV out longer!
Terrence Ross – 17 minutes of barf. Ate some bad scallops before this one or something.
Anthony Davis – Upper respiratory hooblah. DNP-Day hath claimed another victim.
Raymond Felton – 11/6/6/2/0 with a trey. His best game in a few weeks. Must be laying off the “Andy’s Mouth Surprises” lately. Haha that sounds so much worse than it really is…
Paul George – Shot labradoodles for 4-17. 17/8/3/1/0 with 4 TOs ain’t gonna cut it! George backers are fleeing to the hills now!
Derrick Favors – I remember him hitting a jumper and that’s about it. Disappeared in 30 minutes for only 6/8/2/1/0 shooting 3-10 and 0-2 FT. Power of the Grizz D!
Enes Kanter – Started alongside Favors which should’ve been their front line all year. 12/12/0/1/0, but this was the game I did highlights for and Kanter looks atrocious on D. We don’t care about that for fantasy and the Jazz might as well keep him out there to work on it the rest of the year, but it’s going to be tough for me to rank him Favors-ably next year.
Trey Burke – I dunno what happened, had like 12 in the 1st quarter with a few dimes, then ended with only 16/2/6/0/0 with 4 TOs. It doesn’t matter when you get your stats, but this could’ve been a bigun. Power of the Grizz D!
Marc Gasol – If you ever got him at a discount this year, you are doing cartwheels during the playoffs. Just don’t injure yourself! 20/10/2/0/4 with 8-8 FT.
Ricky Rubio – Can one huge game in the playoffs make up for a bad ranking on my part? Let’s hope so! Exploded with the power of el sol for 22/10/15/4/1 shooting 8-12 and 6-7 FT. Oppan Dominatrix Style!
Gorgui Dieng – Another start with no Nikola Pekovic and shined in 25 minutes. Luckily we knew Pek was likely out, and if you’re in a deeper league, hopefully you capitalized on Gorgui’s Apparatus of a 10/11/1/1/1 line shooting 5-5 and no TO.
Dirk Nowitzki – I mean, got 27 Pts, but the rest was a trainwreck. 27/3/0/0/0 shooting 11-27 including 0-7 from deep. He Panzer-ed a lot of people’s title hopes with that travesty!
Shawn Marion – After a lull that lasted longer than the Malaysian plane has been missing (well, even longer, but it feels like the plane’s been gone since 2007!), Marion is picking it back up with an apex night of 18/11/5/2/0. I’m not running to the wire, but am interested if his stream days work for me.
Andre Drummond – We knew he’d be out, but joined DNP-Day. Spielberg’s version is going to be hell-a intense.
Kentavious Caldwell-Pope – Whoa, where did this come from!? His minutes had gone the way of the Dodo, but got 28 minutes. And while he shot went the way of the doodoo, had a 9/10/1/2/0 line. Really nothing doing for fantasy owners, but still holding onto my KCP love for the upcoming years.
Will Bynum – In 22 bench minutes handed out a dimebag. Brandon Jennings was awful. The Pistons should just go ahead and start KCP and Bynum.
Wilson Chandler – Got injected in his hip, injecting yet another to DNP-Day.
Kyle O’Quinn – Got his minutes extended after the Vuc ejection, and went a huge 6/11/4/2/1. Did shoot only 2-9, but he’s been a rock! Solid as Iraq!
Jameer Nelson – Struggled two nights ago, so he joined DNP-Day last night. No Magic for you!
Gerald Green – Did have a nice reverse dunk, but it has been over! Really only one big game the past 5, and despite hitting four treys, a paltry 14/2/1/1/0 line with 4 TOs. ThrAGNOF again!
Xavier Henry – Wheels is back! Right after returning from injury, I said something along the lines of him being relevant in fantasy late in the year. Well, he wasn’t particularly great, but 24/4/0/0/0 and taking 22 shots in 32 minutes of playing time is significant. He’s interesting and fits the D’Antoni mold.
Kent Bazemore – Did virtually nothing, except racked up 6 steals. The Spurs had 12 team TOs. Something fluky seems to be on the docket here.
Kendall Marshall – I still think he can be better. This one was rough with only 3 dimes. But it was the Spurs and he got only 23 minutes. I expect both factors change to more positive things in upcoming games.
Ryan Kelly – Slim’s boy got 34 minutes of 14/6/1/2/1 production while continually crushing his FTs for 7-8 and hit a trey. The Mayor of Whoville reigns supreme!
Kawhi Leonard – Not quite a rainbow, but huge night! 22/10/4/2/1 shooing 8-12 with a trey and 5-6 FT. So multi-cat efficient it’s not funny. So you could say, so multi-cat efficient it’s not Family Guy. Burn! Nailed it!
I hope everyone enjoys the start of the Tournament this afternoon, and don’t let it distract you from setting your playoff line-ups!