In a light slate of games, there were two premiere matchups with the Knicks at Celtics and Clippers at Mavericks.  What game do I get highlights for?  Timberwolves at Pistons.  C’mon Gary!  J.J. Barea looked good!  Sigh.

The Knicks took care of the Celtics and apparently after being compared to Stevie Nicks in a major sports media outlet, have started playing like a team atop the East again.  In the West, The Mavs needed overtime to knock off the Clippers with both Chris Paul and Dirk Nowitzki putting up 33 a piece.  “Whatever you can do, I can do equal!”  How communistic.

Let’s go through the noteworthy fantasy performances last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

You ever feel like you made the wrong move and it sticks with you all season?  Kinda like when you go anywhere that Tehol has chosen for drinks and hook up with someone.  “Something to give my dingle less tingle.  Me fast want slow!  Wait, no that’s Indian….”  “Tea for dong!”

But sometime you make the right move.  Now that I have the Sword of Destiny, it was also destiny for me to draft John Wall on a lot of my teams, a move that seemed OK while Wall worked his way back, but in the past month Wall has been unreal.  (Wait, no Miami Heat streak lead?  This isn’t ESPN?)  He carved up the Grizzlies last night for a career-high 47 Pts on an unreal 13-22 FG and 19-24 FT.  Oh and he happened to season that delicious entree with 2 3PTM 7 Rebs 8 Asts 1 Stl and 1 Blk.  Needless to say, it was easily a top-5 fantasy line on the season.  Huzzah for stashing!  I got high on my own supply!

Let’s take a look at what else went down last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It’s been a mad March!  There are no more perfect brackets out there, with FGCU the first 15 seed to ever make the sweet 16.  That’s more a Cinderella story than if Elizabeth Smart won the next leading role Oscar.  As Warwick Davis would say, “mehehehehehehe!”

 March Madness

Let’s take a look at the standings through the first three rounds of the NCAA Tournament:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

The league is finally taking notice of the Denver Nuggets win streak of 14 games (there’s not another streak going on is there?), as they survived a near upset to the terrible 76ers at home last night.  The Nuggets are 31-3 at home.  Rocky Mountain air!  Get me an oxygen tank!  The 76ers owner even slammed his team on Twitter.  Doug Collins has got to be about to go on a Mel Gibson-esque tirade.  Maybe paint his face like Braveheart  and drive the tanker truck from The Road Warrior like in South Park.  If he coaches again next year, it will be the biggest accomplishment in sports.  We used to say that Oscar Pistorius, but you don’t hear that as much anymore.

Led by the late game heroics of one of my biggest supported players since I took over, Corey Brewer brewed up 10-18 FG (5-6 3PTM) 29 Pts 1 Reb 5 Stls and 1 Blk.  “Stealin’ and Shottin’!”  Imagine I said that like Spike Lee’s “Stoppin’ and Poppin’, Postin’ and Toastin'” and you get the frame of mind I’m going for.  Hey, I’m white, spoken word isn’t my forte which is why I’m writing this blog, not on the street corner yelling fantasy advice with a megaphone.

Here’s what else went down last night in the NBA:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

So I was at working my job logging highlights last night for the Brooklyn Nets at Dallas Mavericks (which was on the ESPN broadcast), and there were at least 20-30 updates/mentions/ohhhhh-ing and ahhhhh-ing about the Heat Cavs game where the Heat found themselves down more than 20 only to come back and win it.  Jeff Van Gundy is like that annoying friend you keep around in your group – he does something funny half the time then irks you the other half.  On the tip-off between Chris Kaman and Brook Lopez he said, and I’m paraphrasing, “that was the worst tip in NBA history, they shouldn’t be allowed to tip off ever again!”  Pretty good stuff.  Then, and admittedly I was checking the score too, all he and the other guy were talking about was the Heat game.  What about the other fans?  Even at halftime, the crew said they would give highlights for the Thunder game and Bill Simmons was like, “no I’m watching the Heat game.”  I get it ESPN it was the biggest game of the night, but sheesh.

After a rough first half, LeBron James absolutely went off, ending his night with both a rainbow line and a triple-double going 8-22 FG (3-7 3PTM) 25 Pts 12 Rebs 10 Asts 3 Stls and 2 Blks.  If that’s not gonna win you your first round of the playoffs, then you need better ancillary players!  Ok so I’m a hypocrite and my open is all about the Heat game and nothing else… Let’s just dive right into other action:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Razzball Nation!  So if you’re reading this you’re probably in the playoffs of your fantasy league, but if not and you read for my mere musings and devilishly witty forays into the intricacies of the English language (and obtuse adjective overuse), then huzzah!  And huzzah for a site like DraftKings.com where you can draft a new line-up every day and play the matchups that you decide for the players you pick on a nightly basis.  Maybe you squeaked into your playoffs with all your hopes and dreams that Derrick Rose would be playing by now, only to get crushed by the 3 seed.  Either way, if you lost your fantasy league buy-in or it seems to be as useless as a Bernie Madoff investment, why not play in daily tournaments where your winnings can be much higher!  Today DraftKings is running their SUPERQualifier for their $150k Bank Shot, where 25 people will win a ticket into their huge $150k contest.  First place will win $50k for picking the best lineup tonight in only one day of fantasy goodness.  It’d be like winning your NCAA bracket in a single night.  Would be a rush.  More a rush than going to see Rush.  Ok, so they were before my time, but I like their music when it’s on.  Here’s who I like tonight to give you a rush of cash:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Gotta love Colorado.  All the hippies, all the ganja.  I went to Denver last year (not for that) and really enjoyed the city and caught a few Rockies games.  That town loves their sports teams.  Have you ever watched sports high?  It’s awwwwwwesome.  Well then again, I guess everything you like is intensified in aurae of sweeeeeet.  And then if your team loses, you can just laugh it off like Brad Pitt in True Romance.

Fantasy wise, the Nuggets feature tons of options, but there enlies a bit of a conundrum as there are some hit and miss nights.  I’m a big Corey Brewer fan, but he has some down nights, I really like Danilo Gallinari as a big 3 but he goes cold some nights (went 4-17 last night), and Kosta Koufos, who is criminally underrated and unmentioned on that team, played only 16 minutes yesterday.  It really is a revolving door with a lot of those guys – Andre Miller almost hit a triple-double last night while Wilson Chandler only scored 9 following up 35 two games ago.  It’s kinda like a fantasy wheel of fortune.  You get jackpots and a trip to Tahiti with Tehol (although I would prefer Bankrupt there), or you have Lose A Turn or Bankrupt.  See if you can figure this one out.  _ _ R_ _ _   _ _ R _  U_ _ _  INC_ N _ I _ _ _ _ _  R_ _ _ _ _ _I _ _ _.  Girlie Porn User Incontinence Rigamortis?  Close!  It’s George Karl Uses Inconsistent Rotations.  OK, I officially never want to come a Wheel Of Fortune puzzle maker.

Here’s what else went down last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

As a very fair skinned, freckly and tall guy (makes me closer to the sun) I have had my problems beating the heat.  One time in college (I went to UNCW so on the beach) I got burnt so bad on my legs it made me get shaky and more loopy than Joseph Gordon-Levitt. My friends thought I pulled an Ewan McGregor and snuck in some heroin. Suffice to say, I got some serious additional freckling on my calves.  With their long slender shape and pretty much invisible blonde hairs, I could pass them off as Lindsay Lohan’s legs.  Enough celebrity mentions already!

Unfortunately for the Celtics, St. Patty’s didn’t carry on into Monday night as the Heat led by LeBron James’ 37-7-12 (including this abuse of Jason Terry) were able to keep the streak alive at 23.  Although the city of Boston probably would have gotten blackout drunk again either way.  With no Kevin Garnett, the C’s gave another start to Jeff Green who exploded his green-ness on the Heat like Nickelodeon gak.  He was the Green Monstah last night, going for a career-high 43 with 5 3PTM, 7 Rebs, 2 Asts, 2 Stls, and 4 Blks.  Easily one of the best fantasy lines of the year for who is becoming a huge pickup for owners who nabbed him.  Speaking of getting nabbed, check out this guy nabbing a few boogers on national TV. Proves you can do anything if you have the charm. Just look at that wink with the debonair of Mark Harmon/Dennis Quaid.  I thought no more celebrity references!

Let’s take a look at what else went down last night across the NBA:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It’s that time of year – where even the die-hardest fantasy basketball fan gets their bracket pool together one the best tournament in all sports. You know it’s true.  And you know it’s still fantasy. I can fantasize over another UNC title in one of the most unlikely runs in tournament history…. OK so Kentucky fans don’t have that luxury, but they can suck it up!

Challenge yours truly in the ultimate Razzball Nation pool right here.  Winner will get some well-deserved Razzball love (who doesn’t wanna get absolutely smothered in it?) and I’ll keep up with some status updates as we plow through the fantasy playoffs.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Where were you in 1999?  Hard to believe that’s 14 years ago!  I’m a spring chicken, so I was in 6th grade.  Man, middle school was the worst.  Elementary school was the shizz and in high school you could smoke good shizz.  But middle school kids were just mean.  Where was Tim Duncan in 1999?  Oh just winning an NBA title with David Robinson.  I had completely forgotten David Robinson has a 71-point game in 1994.  Maybe Brittney Griner could get that.  Duncan was huge last night fending off the Mavericks, grabbing the second highest total of rebounds this season with 19 and scoring 28 points on 12-20 shooting.  After missing a game with a sore knee, Duncan didn’t miss a beat in the post.  With the trade deadline passed, Duncan owners can have some optimism that even if he sits a game here and there down the stretch, he can still go off and be one board away from a Goromotaro.

It was a light slate of NBA games (only 2 last night), but let’s take a quick look at what happened across the NBA:

Please, blog, may I have some more?