If you’ve ever had the chance to read any of my articles here on Razzball, you may have gathered that I’m irreverent, satirical, and basically a ham, bumbling through jokes while trying to deliver the highest mid-range quality fantasy advice to anyone who will read it, but I have to say this without any underlaying humour whatsoever: Martin Luther King is an absolute hero to me, full stop.

That said, I still am a ham, so while Dr. King had a dream, I have a fantasy: and that is that one day a Steve Nash and Goran Dragic can stand next to a Chris Paul and Kyle Lowry in fantasy basketball terms. That we finally realize that white men can jump, although a good example is escaping me at the moment, and anyways, it really doesn’t matter in fantasy. That a JJ Reddick is as valuable as a Khris Middleton on the fantasy basketball stage. And finally, we let the fantasy talent speak for itself, regardless of creed, colour or gender, even though it’s a men’s league, so that last one is more platitude than anything, really. In saying that, we will take a look at the best in the league, regardless of anything other than talent and value:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

If Lionel Hollins could give you any advice, it would probably be something like this: enjoy every day like it was your last, young man! Smell the daisies. Have a cookie. And above all, if you ever break your finger, take the time to have it splinted, it will not heal well on it’s own. Because it can all come crashing down around you, regardless of if it’s your fault or not. Billy King, you get no love from my smelly little article, as you are the architect to your own demise (re-assignment), the Nets and poor, sweet Lionel had to pay for your sins. What can we learn from this debacle, gentle reader? It can only be this: if you were thinking about making a roster move, either big or small, don’t wait, do it now! And with that, let’s take a look at some roster moves that your sensitive heart been yearning to make:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hey Razzball faithful, I wish you all a happy, healthy fantasy New Year! I have been horribly ill, almost getting my ticket punched to the big hard court in the sky! Maybe that is a trifle dramatic, but I was sick so long I was worried I may have contracted the hiv…(from a toilet seat, of course, nothing more!!!!), but, fortunately, this appears not to be the case.  So I’m back y’all, and I’m serving up the New Year eggs and hash for you still hungry for buy/sell nibblies! Don’t worry, I’ll wear a SARS-esque mask, to keep from coughing on your order. I will take this first week to make the old new again, and re-hash the hash. So without further ado, order up!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

So, I married a Jew 11 years ago. I should elaborate, and let you know that she’s a woman, and more importantly, that I’m not jewish myself, so there is a blending in our house of different cultures and holidays, which is dope, IMO. We celebrated the first night of Chanukah (pronounced HHHHHHHHHHHa-nu-Kah. When you sound like you’re bringing up a goober, you’ve nailed it) last Sunday night, and my boys dug it. On Christmas Eve, we will get both our families together for a Christmicah dinner. But what does this have to do with fantasy basketball, Dan? Well, it doesn’t at all, but upon reflecting on the season, I realized that even though my elder son got clothes yesterday in an entirely anti-climactic fashion from his maternal grandparents, he should just suck it up and be thankful that at least they’re clothes that he would want to wear. What I’m saying, gentle reader, is that you should appreciate the gifts as they come, whether it’s what you wanted exactly or not, and re-gift away the excess junk. And in that spirit, I present to you some gift-ish fantasy players you should definitely be thankful to get, or get rid of:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Gentle reader, I must confess: I have a sweet tooth. And a meat tooth as well. A touch of the wheat tooth, I suppose. Oh, and I guess you may as well throw in a gravy and mash tooth in there as well. What I’m saying to you is that I’m a glutton at this time of year, even more than most other times of the year. As the title suggests, there is slightly more of me to love at this time. And with Black Friday behind us, I think it safe to look ahead to the Holiday Season, and all the indulging that comes with it. I have to trim up. Which means trimming some fat off this old long-baller. How will I do this, I’m sure you’re asking yourself? By trading away the hard to shed fantasy players, of course! I see no other manner in which to do this than to do an (almost) all SELL article this week! So lets take a look at the following prime cut, as well as all the giblets…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

L-Tryptophan. It is the amino acid that is reported to make you tired when you eat it, as this is the amino acid that is the basis for a lot of the brain chemicals that make a person tired. You hear about it around this time of year, when millions of Americans are preparing to gorge themselves on the plump bird over Thanksgiving. L-Tryptophan induced naps are actually is a myth, I recently have been informed. Turkey contains less Tryptophan than chicken, or milk, so if the coma-by-turkey hypothesis was true, the same would apply when you eat ice cream, or have a chicken breast. But Dan, you legions of readers are saying, while this is fascinating stuff, why are you writing about Turkey and amino acids in a fantasy BUY/SELL article? Simple. I want you to be able to recognize the difference in players who are off to a L-Tryp-esque start, and whether their start is truly a slump, or a mirage they will pull out of in due course. I don’t know how my analogy could have been more obvious, but whatever, great art is never recognized in it’s time. In the meantime, take a look at these turkeys:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Please tell me that some of you lived through, or at least recognize 90’s Hip Hop. I was a teen in the early 90’s, rocking the Adidas, Raptors cap way down low, and nodded to the illest hip hop, thinking I was fly. Well, I now know without any doubt that I was far from OG, but the hip hop was divine, the golden age of the art, some might say. And as hip hop and New York basketball culture are closely intertwined, I bumping beats while I was watching some outstanding point guard play in our beloved NBA last weekend. I heard a dope joint by House of Pain, called On Point, which seemed to be serendipitous, even cosmic. This had to be a sign that I was to do an all point guard edition of the BUY/SELL, obviously. I was chosen, gentle reader, it’s out of my hands, I am merely a vessel. Woe to thee who ignores such a powerful connection, I don’t need that caliber of bad JuJu on my plate. So I give to you, an all PG edition:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

This fantasy team you’ve assembled is still settling into place, like the foundation of a new building. As someone who knows nothing whatsoever about construction beyond my adventures in Ikea assembly, it stands to reason that if the foundation isn’t sound, if the footprint is comprised of poorly poured concrete, the building won’t stand. Or maybe it will, I haven’t the foggiest clue. But in terms of your squad, I proudly assert that I am marginally less out of my element. Look at it this way: we all need to take these early weeks as seriously as the later ones, particularly for securing those cumulative stat categories, if we wish to compete for a championship, right? So I say, perhaps recklessly, that even entering week 3, improving your foundation should be everyone’s goal, particularly those employed in the concrete business. Check out these cornerstones I’ve poorly stuck into this analogy:

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I’m just going to say it: I missed you. Er, not you, gentle reader, although I guess you’re cool, too. I meant NBA basketball. Sexy, sexy fantasy basketball. I tried to see others, like the FIBA tournaments, it was just because I have needs, but they meant nothing to me, I swear NBA! But you’re back home where you belong, and just as alluring as ever. And make no mistake, good reader, this is the honeymoon stage of fantasy basketball. Just about every fantasy GM can see the beauty of our squads, like Shrek seeing Fiona after the curse was lifted, and envision a glorious future together. We are at the fantasy equivalent of not farting in front of each other, all lingerie and high heels, and us all pretending granny panties don’t exist. Speaking of panties, if you happen to follow the REL Dynasty, My team is Hardenouttherr4apimp. I’m number three in the league, but number 1 in your hearts. And I’m aware that the panty segue made no sense whatsoever, but it is in itself a clear indication of what to expect from me.

This is a tough trading environment, to be clear. Most GM’s ain’t ready to blow it up just yet.  Just because we cool, supple reader, because we have some history, I’ll recommend a few potentials. A caveat: while these pearls clearly have value, it has been my experience that not too many GM’s want to play nice in week 1.  So don’t be a schmuck and come on too strong and overplay your hand, drowning yourself in Axe spray and desperation.  That never works, trust me. So with that mixed message, put on your best break up music, and take a gander at these honeymoon heart-throbs:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

If you take the time out of your busy day to read my weekly articles here at Razzball, I am thankful. And to that end, I hoped to give back by informing you in my last week’s piece of the impending trade deadline in fantasy basketball. Armed with this information, I hope you made all the necessary adjustments to your squad, as unless your league has custom settings, the trade winds have blown by. But I give and I give, because you deserve it, beautiful! So if you have a Wesley Mathews, or some such setback, fear not, gentle reader, you have options. I just hope you didn’t blow your waiver on the Javale McGee rumour that he was signing on again. We still can peruse the waiver wire, and hopefully find some waiver wire gold out there in the fantasy panhandle. I had a gander, and this is what I came up with:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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