The Razzball Community, like a single barrel scotch, is bold and strong. And like a single barrel scotch in the bloodstream of a Las Vegas stripper, we like to spread our butt cheeks and then drive while intoxicated. Wait, what? Anyway, the Razz-comm (<- term that won’t catch on) enjoy nothing more than to match wits and skills with each other in the fantasy arena (there may be things we enjoy more, but we’ll leave that to the philosophers). The season has come to a close, those of you who weren’t sure if J.R. Smith was for real can finally put that question to rest, and our RCL winners have emerged, basking in the glow of victory. “I remember when I was alive, I lived for the taste of success! So says I, the ghost of Dolph Schayes!” Damn you, Dolph, you aren’t dead yet! “Mayhaps, but your career is!” Moving on…

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The Razzball Commenter League is the most exciting fantasy basketball competition in all of eastern Europe and parts of Asia. It’s been a while since we’ve checked in, so let’s cut the bull feces and dive in with our boots on (all league names transcribed as displayed):

Ain’t No Sushine When It RainsSlippery Squirrels leads the pack with 72 points, although Bringin back Seattle is only 4 points back. Fun(?) fact: SS is also the overall leader of the Razzball Commenter Leagues. The most recent trade was a while ago, but it involved We Be Wall’n sending Jrue Holiday, Luol Deng and Joakim Noah to Motorboaters for Dwyane Wade and Marc Gasol. Although I’d rather have the Wade/Gasol side, the trade was fair to both sides. Good game, boys.

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Did you know that a Posey is also known as a Nosegay? That’s weird, right? Historically, nosegay means something you hang around your nostrils (you know, to keep out the stench of the dead). Today, saying the word nosegay would make people irrationally angry, so you probably shouldn’t say it. Tony Parker fans may be angry right now, too, as the fantasy stud is going to miss approximately 3-5 weeks after spraining his left ankle. He was one of the league’s top assisters, and brother, you’re not going to be able to find a replacement off waivers to cover his stats. Kirk Hinrich was seen wearing a walking boot, so he’s out. Maybe Andre Miller is still available in your league. He’s good for 11 ppg and 6 apg. It’s something. If redraft roto leagues, you may as well consider dropping him outright. Here are some other fallen men: 

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Ben Affleck may get shat upon by the hip and snarky, but he had the last laugh when his film Argo walked away with the Best Picture Academy Award (TM) (C) ALL RIGHTS RESERVED ACADEMY OF MOTION PICTURE ARTS AND SCbzzzt. Where was I? Oh, Surviving Christmas  is a much better holiday movie than you would expect, and is worth watching if it comes on TV in 9-10 months. Just store that in your head. If you haven’t see The Town, it’s also enjoyable. Wait, is this the basketball blog? I thought we were talking about movies. Hmmm, well, let’s talk about Andrew BogutBogut’s MRI came back and showed a protruding disc in his back. He has been ruled out indefinitely and will not travel with the team. Some of you may remember I had a minor herniated disc back in September, and it took me a few weeks to recover from, derailing my basketball career even further. Bogut is clearly a world class athlete while I get winded getting up from the toilet, but still, back pain is back pain, and Bogut has to wipe the same way the rest of us do. All of you that were so happy to grab Bogut may have to wait a couple of weeks to begin savoring his production again.

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I’ve heard an incredible buzz surrounding the All-Star Game, which is amazing considering the last person who enjoyed an all-star game died in 1997. Well, I hope the ASG has reinvigorated people’s interest in basketball. For those who like to press their luck and test their skill, DraftKings has an amazing contest going on.

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The two biggest names people are waiting for in fantasy circles are Derrick Rose and Andrew Bynum, and it looks like they’re both farther away than was anticipated. Bynum felt pain in his knees after back to back workouts, while Rose said he was about 20-30% away (actually, he said he was feeling 85% on a scale of 110%, so hopefully he has an accountant do his taxes).

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You want an early buy (or a repeat)? Throw down some nickels and make a purchase of one Tyler Zeller. His 16 points yesterday were the first since January 19, but the 9 rebounds, 4 assists and a block were not out of the ordinary. He’s had a block in five straight games, is averaging 7 rebounds in the past six games, and has 3 or 4 assists in four games this month. I wouldn’t own him for offense, but he could help you in many other ways. Let him inspire your fantasy team! WAH…TUH!

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