Every once in a while when my DVR is empty and there are no dead cats in the alley for me to watch the raccoons chew on, I take a slow walk on over to my local post office and do a little pre-holiday shopping for my girlfriend.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

As I peeled myself off the linoleum floor, sucked down the last few drops of last night’s Bitburger beer and licked the crusted schnitzel off my fingertips, the memories of last night’s NBA Finals celebration reignited in my mind. Dirk is a champion.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Nene Hilario led the league in FG% in 2010, but attempted just 40 percent of the shots Kobe Bryant did. Blake Griffin attempted 20 more free throws than Kevin Durant, but made 148 fewer than he did. Also, Dwight Howard’s FT% was just .003 percentage points higher than his FG% – and this was his best free throw-shooting season since he was a rookie.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Quality is a relative term. One man’s trash is another man’s trash that he treasures (or whatever). Your Member’s Only windbreaker and matching L.A. Gears were the bees knees two decades ago, but bury those things in a time capsule, dig them up today and hand them to a hobo, and there’s no WAY you’d be able to refrain from snickering at the guy.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Future Hall of Famer Shaquille O’Neal called it quits over Twitter (and eventually a proper press conference later today) after deciding his nearly 39-year-old body couldn’t withstand an achilles surgery and nine months of rehab. When Boston signed O’Neal a year ago, the strategy was that he’d play sparingly throughout the year and empty the tank on Dwight Howard in the spring if Kendrick Perkins didn’t return to 100 percent.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

If there were a sixth man in the NBA who appeared in every one of the season’s 82 games, but was only on the floor about half the time throughout those contests despite averaging 13/5, with .541/.707 and more than a steal every time out, the first thing you’d say is, “Adam, why all the secrecy?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

What the hell song am I even quoting there? Is that Backstreet Boys? Boy II Men? Men At Work? Kraftwerk? I remember it being slow and sultry, and an embarrassing song to admit I listen to. So that’s probably not Kraftwerk.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

In 73 games last year, rookie Marcus Thornton averaged 14.5 points, 1.6 threes and percentages of .451/.814. “I’m listening,” you decided back in August. “Not bad,” you figured back in September. “Kaboom,” you shouted to no one in particular back in October.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We’ve looked back on the best players at each position from the 2010 fantasy basketball season. Now we’re preparing to steal a few glimpses at the 15 best rookies of 2010. Everyone has their preferred way to steal glimpses. Some put on dark sunglasses, others find reflective surfaces like storefront windows or iPad screens so as not to look directly at the subject you want to see, and yet others preemptively stare at the empty space their glimpse-able object will inhabit until they walk right into it and, whoops, it was just an accident that you were glimpsing!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Funny thing about sleepers: as soon as they’re recognized by even a small group, they can’t be sleepers anymore. It never fails. After scratching and clawing to get someone, anyone, to buy into my sleeper theories about a player, I’m always regretful for having done so the second I prove to be successful.

Please, blog, may I have some more?