My favorite thing in basketball, besides a bunch of other stuff, is the triple double. It should come as no surprise that Kobe Bryant had one. The future Hall of Famer scored 22 points, grabbed 11 boards, and handed out 11 dimes. In addition, he had 3 steals and a three pointer. The points are not shocking, as he is averaging 26.9 per game, but this is his first time in double digits for either assists or rebounds. Still, we know Kobe is capable of explosive statistical performances, and he is still a beast of the hardwood…which was the name of a porn I filmed in 1993.
George Hill – 7 points, 6 assists. His points came on 2 threes and a free throw. I wonder if George Hill drinks Sprite, too.
Roy Hibbert – 4 offensive rebounds, 4 defensive rebound, 6 points, 2 blocks, 6 turnovers. He has only reached double digit rebounds three times this season, which is not surprising; in five pro seasons, he has never seen greater than 8.8 RPG.
Gerald Green – In 18 minutes, he managed 5 points, 4 rebounds, a block and an assist. He’s really only an option in deep leagues, like, so deep that you are at risk for getting the bends when you close your browser.
Ronnie Brewer – Had a run where he was scoring in double digits, but has gone back to standard points, this time 8 with 6 boards and 2 assists.
Jason Kidd – Only had 3 points, 2 assists and a steal, although he did play with a fresh pair of Frankenstein stitches to the head. I mention Kidd because he has been averaging 3.1 APG and 1.9 SPG
J.R. Smith – He was in last week’s Buy/Sell as a Single Selled Organism, but last night he went for 13 points (1-3 from downtown), 7 rebounds, 2 assists, a steal and a block. Well, you know what they say, sell high (when the value is high, not when you just smoked a joint).
Raymond Felton – He tallied 11 points, 8 assists, a steal and a three. He has been averaging 6.3 assists per night,
Hedo Turkoglu – He is having his hand recasted and will miss an additional month. What is the sound of one hand clapping? Hedo Turkoglu.
Jameer Nelson – Nelson, on the other hand, returned to action and missed 5 three pointers. He did, however, dish out 9 assists.
Glen Davis – If you asked me to name every starter in the NBA, I would only name, like, 20 players because I am not a real person, I am a Bichon Shih-tzu hybrid (this is how I type the updates). However, presuming I was legitimate, I feel like I’d still forget Glen Davis. I think the problem is, for every night he gives you 16 points and 12 rebounds, he’ll give you 8 points and 3 boards (as on November 9). Also, he plays for the Magic, that’s the biggest thing.
Jose Calderon – He accumulated 9 points and 18 assists, but sadly did not have 27 steals or 36 blocks (he had 1 each).
Linas Kleiza – He played 26 and a half minutes but only had 12 points and 5 rebounds. He attributed his performance to Lucy stealing his blanket.
Omri Casspi – Hey, here’s a guy we haven’t discussed in a while. I wonder how his cupboard is? Anyway, he played 13 minutes and reached 5 points, 2 boards and a block.
Tristan Thompson – He grabbed 8 offensive rebounds (13 total) to go with 2 assists, a block and 14 points. I don’t know if you’re an ass man, but I don’t mind some T.T.
Gerald Wallace – Was a major non-factor, taking 3 shots (making 2) and grabbing 1 board while dishing out 3 assists.
Kris Humphries – He finished with 6 points, 10 rebounds, 3 steals and 2 blocks. He’s what some people wanted Roy Hibbert to do this season.
Joe Johnson – He missed 9 of 10 shots but still finished with 10 points thanks to 8 free throws. He also had 3 assists.
DeMarcus Cousins – Hey, look who showed up for 29 points, 7 rebounds, 3 assists. 2 steals and a block. Hint: It wasn’t John Salmons. Second hint: It was DeMarcus Cousins. Third hint: There is no third hint. If you took my advice and drafted Cousins, he has not lived up to expectations, but the season is still young. Of course, if you took my advice, you drafted Cousins over Andrew Bynum. Considering Bynum now has problems in both knees, he won’t be back until at least January. The moral of the story is to listen to me, even when I’m wrong, or covered in someone else’s blood.
Marcus Thornton – The good: He made 3 threes. The bad: he took 10 three pointers. The ugly: .255 3P% this season.
Harrison Barnes – After his Barnes raising performance on Friday, he finished with 12 points, 1 rebound, 3 assists and 2 steals on Sunday.
Festus Ezeli – The Warriors had some Festus-ing wound at Center that only had 5 points, 5 rebounds, a block and 16 minutes as a starter.
Richard Jefferson – Left the game with a strain after only a few minutes on the Court and a field goal. Those 2 points are half of his per game average. He should take his time coming back.
Russell Westbrook – He scored 30 points with 7 assists and 5 steals. Yahoo has him ranked 79th even though he is averaging 19.6 PPG, 1.2 3PG, 8.5 APG, and 1.3 SPG. If someone in your league believes rankings over logic, make an offer.
Kevin Martin – Seems I can’t stop talking about him. He was 5 of 7 from behind the arc and had 23 points total off the bench. Thabo Sefolosha started and finished with 5 points total.
Rajon Rondo – He had 12 points, 10 assists and 6 turnovers. He has not had fewer than 10 assists all season, and has hit 20 twice. He’s also had 4 or more turnovers 6 times. I projected him at 11.9 APG and 3.9 TPG. Thus far he is at 13.5 APG and 3.3 TPG. I don’t know what that means except that as I was typing this, he passed me the ball and I made a lay up.
Brandon Bass – He keeps starting, yet somehow the Celtics are still over .500. Last night, he had 6 points and 2 rebounds.
Jared Sullinger – He grabed 5 boards to go with 16 points. No word on what Jared’s Black Friday sale will offer.
Jason Maxiell – He keeps plugging along with 15 points, 6 rebounds, an assists, a steal, a block, and a twinkle in his eye.
Kyle Singler – He made his 3rd start and concluded the game with 14 points, 2 rebounds, 2 assists and a three pointer.
Rodney Stuckey – After missing a game for illness, he returned from the bench to score 9 points with a rebound and an assist in 21 minutes.
Carlos Boozer – Not a great game, tallying 4 points, 3 boards and nada else.
Joakim Noah – He played 41 minutes and had 16 points, 15 rebounds, 8 assists, a steal and a block. He’s been good for about 15/9 on the season.
Nate Robinson – With 3 of 6 from behind the arc, he led his team with 18 points from the bench, along with 4 assists and a steal.
Damian Lillard – My future boyfriend had 16 points, 3 steals and 3 assists.
Nicolas Batum – The greatest player in NBA history made 5 of 10 from downtown to finish with 21 points, 4 rebounds, 2 assists and 4 turnovers.
Ronnie Price – In 20 minutes, he had 10 points, 5 assists, a steal and a three. There is nothing to see here. This is not the droid you are looking for, Mickey Mouse.
Jeremy Lin – He finished twice as any assists (10) as points (5), but he still kept his turnovers in check (only 3). He’s only had 4 turnovers twice this season, and never more than 4. The Knicks would look foolish for letting him go if they weren’t doing so amazing.
Omer Asik – Last night was only his second time all season not reaching double digits in rebounds. He finished with 9, plus 8 points and 2 assists. I was into him before it was cool. Tell your friends.
Darius Morris – Started on the Lakers and played over 31 minutes, but when you are on the court with guys like Gasol, Howard, Bryant and Whirled Peas, it’s not surprising he only finished with 12 points, 2 rebounds and 5 assists. It doesn’t matter anyway, as he’ll go back to the bench when Steve Nash returns.
Dwight Howard – He had 3 blocks and is ranked 4th in the league in blocks. In addition, he had 28 points and 13 rebounds. To be fair, he went 6-12 from the free throw line and is shooting at a .500 clip.