No, you’re not accidentally on baseball and we’re not reviewing Roger Maris and Mickey Mantle’s little HBO romp. Wait, why does LeBron James get an asterisk then?! I think the mask is helping him. It’s like the Jim Carrey movie. Without it he’s a nothing out there – – dammit, metaphors and parallels just aren’t working today! Unless the improbable scenario in which you pounded em hard at happy hour, passed out before tipoffs last night, stumbled to your computer when you awoke this morning, and Razzball Basketball is your first NBA news choice, then you probably saw what BronBron did last night. I for one fully endorse the aforementioned scenario, see you at happy hour after work! LeBron went bob-bonkers on the bob-Bobcats for 61 points shooting 22-33, 8-10 from deep, and 9-12 from the stripe. Chipped in 7 boards and 5 dimes on top of it. The gap Kevin Durant had over King James is slowly deteriorating as MaskBron is taking over Gotham City. Now, it did help that there was no Dwyane Wade (not that it would’ve made that much of a difference), but KD is still your numero uno. Twin towers! I bet 50% of fantasy H2H title matchups will pit LeBron vs. KD. Fantasy basketball is too top heavy followed by a bunch of bastard children. It’s turning into Shawn Kemp! Zing! Here’s what else I saw last night in NBA action:
Caron Butler – Signed with the Thundah and will play tomorrah. Probably going to start with Thabo Sefolosha not abiding by OSHA with a strained calf. Still means pretty much nothing to me, I have no desire to run out and grab Butler.
Andre Miller – So this is what I did last weekend… A whole new experience. “Andre Miller Hands!” Just like Edward 40 hands, you make one a Miller, but replace the other with a bottle of Andre champagne. Top ten in assists! It’s pretty much the best drinking game since “Pin the Gun-Related Felony on Arenas”. Unlike the immediate success of Andre Miller hands, the real-life version hasn’t seen a lot of rock.
Marc Gasol – Super rainbow! 10/7/8/3/3. Playing like we all shouldn’t have been scared. I wasn’t too scared! Maybe had a cold chill, or a little bit of a rash downstairs if you know what I mean, but it went away!
John Wall – Having a great year, with another solid 23/6/9/1/1 last night with two treys. Gloat alert! In both Yahoo and Basketball Monster, Wall is ranked #10 overall in total value. With Serge Ibaka 9th. And some crazy fantasy dude out there had em both first rounders… Got something right!
Raymond Felton – Wow. 1-9, and I mean, just can’t shoot his way out of a slump despite his best effort on and off the court. 4/3/5/2/0 with 4 TOs and he might be playing/off-court issuing his way out of the NBA.
Tyson Chandler – Didn’t he play for a Gold Team USA? And now… This. 8/18/2/1/2 in a near-rainbow and at least he’s getting some his shizz together unlike his compadres.
Andre Drummond – If he only he could learn how to dime! 17/26/0/2/3 shooting 6-9. 5-7 at the stripe is a good start for the month despite being an awful free throw shooter… Regardless, un-gloat alert! One I should’ve been in on…
Kyle Singler – Along with Mike Dunleavy, becoming a very boring high-minute, under-the-radar multi-cat producer. 8/4/2/2/1 last night in 32 mins. God I hate these Duke scrubs…
Al Jefferson – As expected, tore the Heat interior D a new one. 38/19/1/1/0 shooting an unreal 18-24, but will be lost in the shuffle with the LeBron-ness.
Gary Neal – Started for the injured Gerald Henderson, and then vomited on the court. 33 minutes shooting 3-11 for 10/0/5/0/0 with 2 TOs.
D.J. Augustin – After being ice cold, got 23 Pts against the hapless Knicks on Sunday then 16/3/4 in 27 minutes yesterday. We believed in you, D.J.! Kirk Hinrich was atrocious for 5/3/1 with 3 TOs in 32 minutes. If Hinrich gets hurt again, which, let’s face it, is fairly probable, D.J. will be rocking the club.
Ersan Ilyasova – Um, what? Was ridiculously hot last night shooting 13-14 for a 31/5/0/2/1 line. I mean, I guess the Stls and Blk was helpful, but pretty empty for a career-high. I still think this Turkey is deep fried.
Zaza Pachulia – I guess we live in a world where John Henson is not going to start this year… Zaza for 14/6/5 last night is pretty decent in 26 minutes. But yeah, not much to buy here.
Jeff Adrien – Despite Ersan being hot, got 20 minutes and was productive! Now, this game was a blowout (in favor of the Bucks, so effing weird!), but 8/11/0/1/1 is useful. In 5 games as a Buck, he’s logged double-digit boards in 4 of em for a 9.6 overall average. While also at 0.6 in Stls and Blks. 0% owned in Yahoo is crazy talk, the Bucks are going to see what they have in him and continue his bench minutes, and I think he can help even 12-teamers needing boards.
Enes Kanter – 27/14 in 35 great minutes. I like this Turkey a little more than the Bucks Turkey, but by just a drop or two of gravy. That said, not buying too much of this one. Derrick Favors got Corbined on the bench for only 19 minutes despite playing well lately, with Corbin going most of the game with Kanter. Then looking at the Bucks and weighing their horrible big man defense, and this looks like an anomaly. Don’t think this is a changing of the guard. Or changing of the center, I guess…
Ty Lawson – Welcome back! Finally got his ribs healed up after making Eve to go 31/4/11/4/0. Like he never left! Except, ummmm, when he had to leave with 6 fouls…
Evan Fournier – A healthy Lawson means a chaste Fournier. Going to do a lot of sitting on the wood – wait that doesn’t work – I mean spend a lot of time on the bench.
Timofey Mozgov vs. J.J. Hickson – In the epic battle for Denver big man minutes, the winner last night was… NO ONE! Healthcare.Mozgov for 4/3 in 10 horrible minutes and Hickson for 5/7/2/1/0 in 27 slightly more productive albeit still awful minutes. The adjective police are after me for that one! Hickson is still the guy to own even though it’s a Rocky Mountain Horror Show.
Wilson Chandler – I can picture Brian Shaw imitating Tom Hanks, going “WILLLSSSOONNNN! Stop shooting threes!” 11-22 for an awesome 25/10/2/1/0 line, but shot 2-11 from downtown. Take a dribble my man!
Kevin Love – Having an elite year. I feel bad questioning his health. I feel like his production is bitch slapping me. And if it’s so hard that he happens to break his hand on my cheek, well, I’d feel even worse. Because it’d effing hurt!
Nikola Pekovic – Second game back and no issues, 16/9/1 on 5-8 shooting will get it done. Only 24 minutes, but should be solid.
Kevin Martin – The thumb injury doesn’t look like it’ll keep K-Mart from being aggressive! 16-17 at the stripe last night for an otherwise empty 22 Pts. The Nuggets were swiping at his thumb all game! Rapscallions.
Ricky Rubio – This is one I would redo… 5/5/5 last night in 26 minutes with 5 fouls and 4 TOs. Didn’t play down the stretch yet again because he might actually consult Raymond Felton on shooting form when RayRay is in jail. Ricky R has shown flashes, but just hasn’t come together like I thought it would.
LaMarcus Aldridge – Welcome back L.A.! Andddddd for your second game back you’re going to lose to L.A… Solid 21/6/1/2/0 though.
Robin Lopez – 19/16/2/0/3. Just… Wow. I guess he indeed is a must own in all leagues. Late to join that parade.
Nicolas Batum – 17/15/5/2/1 in another patented near-rainbow from Batum, but I’m wondering to myself how the Blazers got all these boards and lost! +9 rebounding and lost to scrub team. Eh, how it rolls sometimes.
Kent Bazemore – 14/7/2/0/0 with 4 treys. Still feels like an empty scorer to me with ThrAGNOF upside like this one. Sure, a great add in deeper leagues, but not hopping in for shallower unless a stream.
Pau Gasol – Rainbow! 22/9/5/2/2 and playing like L.A. is his favorite team. Unlike most people from L.A.
Wesley Johnson – Rainbow two, electric bugaloo! 14/7/4/2/2. Has the ability to be a multi-cat gold mine, but has been inconsistent all year. The last four have been pretty nice though. Worth a looksy.
Kendall Marshall – I’ve been steadfast in my Jordan Farmar hate making me semi-have-to-like Marshall, who stepped it back up for 7/6/11 last night. Think he needs to be owned in most leagues.
Xavier Henry – Finally was able to return to action for 5 no stat minutes. On any other team I probably wouldn’t mention, but this is a D’Antoni tanking team and he could syphon off minutes from guys like Bazemore if he stays healthy. Keeping my eye on it.
Tyreke Evans – I mean, he could literally shoot 1-10 and do nothing next game, but 27/10/8 with 2 treys in a triple-double flirt is almost a must-own guy. Crushed his old team, and loving the move into the starting line-up with 41 minutes. I’m going to go ahead and say should be owned in almost all leagues.
Alexis Ajinca – Just when it’s coming around, a 20 minute dud last night racking up 5 fouls. In the deepest of leagues he’ll throw you a little something, but that’s about it for now.
Reggie Evans – 30 minutes for 10/13. So many boards so little time! I buy he can be like a 2008 version of… Reggie Evans.
Next Game: MIA @ HOU! Should be a dandy. Over/under on LeBron scoring… I’ll set it at 37. Make your bets below!
