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Ahhhhh, our epic Jusuf Nurkic vs. Nikola Jock Itch debates.  16-17 might become remembered as the year of the Nuggets big men Civil War.  I wanna be on Iron Man’s side!

In a gutsy battle with the Craptors, the Nugs almost pulled out a great road win, putting together a huge 3rd quarter and getting a lead for most of the 4th.  We the North still ended up notching the W, and so did Slim and the Nurk > Joke  contingent!  I still feel like I have to remind everyone that I ranked Nurk ahead of all experts, and was middle-of-the-pack-to-slightly-below-consensus on Jokic.  But alas, I did think Slim was a little crazy saying he wanted Nurk over Joke outright, and after last night, it’s looking like it’s going to be a coin flip any given outing.  The real head-scratcher is Nurkic lead the team with a preposterous 38 minutes.  Lunacy!  Ended up going 13/18/1/1/5 in a great line, but did struggle with the %s, shooting 5-14 FG and 3-7 FT.  He’s just so big out there…  Look at poor Pit-Pat trying to block him, what are you doing Pit-Pat?!

I think this matchup made sense, as Nurk is a good fit to D up The Luminescent Lithuanian, and with his size and D presence, can help out on the Lowry and DeRozan iso drives.  Erstwhile, I thought Nikola Jokic looked pretty good, but only played 22 minutes, going 12/4/1/0/0.  Shot 6-9, but 4 TO?!  The Nugs only had 8 TO as a whole, so friggin’ Jock Itch had half their giveaways, plus had 4 fouls in that limited run.  Just wasn’t his night.

So what to do with these guys?  I think you gotta just deploy them as usual, and hope the coin flips your way any given game.  As long as it doesn’t pull a Watchmen and land standing up.  I think that was Watchmen, I know it was in the dumb movie Ed too, about Joey from Friends teaching a monkey to pitch.  Hahahaha, how terrible.  I just had to link the trailer, because I watched it for 30 seconds to be sure I was citing the right movie, and holy crap.  This is the most fantastic 2 minutes of my life:

If that doesn’t make you laugh, nothing will!  I’m all over the place this morning…  To wrap that metaphor, I guess Kenneth Faried would be if the coin landed straight up, and at least he only saw 15 minutes.  I wouldn’t be shocked at all if Nurk gets 22 minutes next time out, Jock Itch 35, and Jock Itch has the big game.  Going to be frustrating game to game.  But for last night, Slim gets to gloat!  Here’s what else happened last night in fantasy basketball action:

Dennis Schroder – Hit Der Dreis!  How’d I do Paul?!  17/3/5/0/0 isn’t the hugest of lines, especially shooting 5-14, but he looked great at the eye level to me.  Of course, going against a lit Ty surely helps!  Only 1 TO for Schrodes as well…

Paul Millsap – Maybe we shouldn’t have been too bullish on Schroder’s dimes, as this is Sapper Dan’s offense!  13/14/8/3/4, giving him 18 dimes through the first three games.  6 dimes a game is no joke!

Kent Bazemore – Still mired in a bit of a slow start (29.6% from the field, 18.2% from deep), but 11/2/1/3/1 with no TO is a nice step back up.  A big concern though is 28 minutes last night was his season high; it looks like 30 MPG might not be in the cards.  Stupid Thabo Sefolosha!  Tough to sell Baze for much, but if he strings together a few more good games I might sell high, the minutes worry me.

Dwight Howard – Are you effing kidding me…  After whining that he gets a 3-4 FT week in a close battle for FT% week 1, he goes 8-20 from the stripe last night.  Week one should’ve extended through Monday!  I hate week-to-week noise…  At least the line is what you were expecting for Dwight (18/11/1/0/4, 2 TO) if you FT punted.

Mike Muscala – A lot of Chicken Muscala comments lately, and not surprisingly, pretty ho-hum 10/3/0/0/0 last night.  6-8 FT is nice (did the Kings confuse him with Dwight when they subbed?!), but in 20 MPG off the bench, it’ll be tough to trust the D stats will flow in night-to-night.

Ty Lawson – A good streamer this week for the 5-game SACs, Lawson goes 8/2/6/3/0 with only 1 TO.  The 23:09 is a little low, especially since he said he expected to play 40 MPG or some crap outta the gate, but that line times 5 you’ll definitely take if you streamed him in weeklies.

Matt Barnes – I still think my high rank could end up working out, as he got hot from deep and knocked down 4 triples.  14/5/3/1/0 in 28 minutes, and the salty, tatted vet is getting his Joerger run!

DeMarcus Cousins – I’m trying to figure out how the Kings stayed in this game…  I guess Rudy Gay shooting 8-13 helped, but sheesh no one had a good line…  14/12/1/0/1 with 4 TO for Boogie, and after 14+ FTA the first 3 games, only 1-3 FT last night…

Brook Lopez – For as much as we’ve been slamming the Brooklyn Mess, a commenter correctly pointed out that they’re 1-2 and all of their games have ended close.  Well, no more!  Kenny Asshat continues to drive this team into the ground…  Scuttle the ship!  And wow, I’m NOT using the Urban Dictionary usage of that phrase, The Hunt for Red October is one of my favorite movies!  Well, no one is hearing singing for the Nets, and the Brolo disaster lingers on.  22 minutes of 13/2/0/0/1, but if you could find one silver lining, this was an utter blowout and maybe Brook would’ve gotten 27-28 mins in a close game.  But the way Asshat is captaining this travesty, close games might be few and far between…

Rondae Hollis-Jefferson – By far leads the team with 30 minutes!!!!  Anddddddd….  2/3/3/0/1 on 1-7 shooting with 2 TO.  RHJ owners will need a nice HJ to clear their minds of overdrafting this one…

Trevor Booker – I clowned Slim about watching out for Luis Scola playing more minutes some game and frustrating Booker owners, and while that wasn’t the case last night, only 19 minutes for Booker.  5/8/0/3/0 – you like the steals, but lord give me strength!

Jeremy Lin – At least there’s still some Linsanity, going 14/2/4/4/0 on 6-10 shooting.  …in 24 minutes.  Some blowout effect here, but F the Asshat!

Justin Hamilton – 17 minutes of “hmmm, OK, I guess…”  0/7/0/1/1.  Other than Lin – and bending over and taking it for Brolo – there’s no must-owns on this team in even 14ers…

Sean Kilpatrick – Well, I ThrAGNOF streamed him, and he goes 0-6 from downtown.  I do chuckle that his 13 shots off the bench led the team…  At least hit 7-7 FT…  Brooklyn took a small step back from the crazy % they’re shooting treys that I mentioned yesterday, but they still took 31!  5-31 from downtown last night, with every player except RHJ attempting at least one trey.  Asshat keeps making this team shoot 3s non-stop, no matter what.  Can’t wait to see them pick up the recently waived Walter Tavares or something, and have him shoot 3s!

Robin Lopez – The better Lopez?!  Only plays 19 minutes, but at least gives you a 4/5/2/0/2 line.  I bet Brook is PISSED that he’s such a better player on such a worse team…

Nikola Mirotic – We need an official Razzball Basketball researcher!  Anyone want to take on this role?!  I wonder when the last time both teams had their leading shooter in FGA come off the bench.  Crazy.  6-14 for Miro in a ridiculously good 16/10/3/0/3 line.  4-10 from downtown as well.  I imagine a lot of this run came against the garbage, second unit, Asshat rotations.  I’d be selling high off this game.

Isaiah Canaan – Wow, surprising line of the night goes to Canaan in D, going 15/3/6/1/0 with no TO in 22 minutes.  Sadly, Michael Carter-Williams only got through 5 minutes before exiting with a knee sprain, and he’s getting an MRI today.  There’s not much value to be had with Canaan, but the deepest of deep leagues could nab him for a couple 3s/Ast upside game-to-game.  They do play back-to-back this Fri/Sat vs. NYK then @IND for some decent streaming matchups in the deepers.

Taj Gibson – Finally got a block!  He’s scoring at a great FG% and getting Pts/Reb, but has been pretty anemic everywhere else.  14/11/0/1/1 on 7-9 FG works though!  Nice FG booster.

Emmanuel Mudiay – When he’s slashing, he looks like a legit, above average NBA PG.  16/6/4/0/1 with only 2 TO, shooting 6-17 FG.  Not the best %, but 3-4 FT you’ll take.  83.3% from the stripe so far this year, at double the volume.  Love to see him attacking, especially with him making the freebies.  I’m thrilled I got him late in several leagues.

Will the Thrill – This literally made me sick to my stomach.  Of the games last night, this was the one I watched the most, and sadly Will Barton had a horribly painful kankle.  Took several minutes to get up and couldn’t even make it to the locker room.  X-Rays were negative, but I think this is going to be a few weeks at the least.  Wilson Chandler is already playing a ton (probably too much), and in the short-term, Jamal Murray might get a little extra run.  And this does guarantee Gary Harris is going to play a boatload of minutes when he’s healthy.

DeMar DeRozan – Apparently on a mission to score 30+ every night.  Doing his normal DeRozan things, although 53.8% from the field is unsustainable for a career 44.3% shooter.  If you’re just killing the Pts cat thus far, I might entertain some sell highs, as it’s not like the rest of his line is doing much for ya.

Kyle Lowry – After a slow start, nice bounce back for 29/5/7/3/0 on 10-20 shooting.

Patrick Patterson – I clowned him in that intro GIF, but maybe I should be clowning the Nugs!  Pit-Pat got 5 blocks!!!!  3/7/3/1/5 with no TO in 33 minutes…  Hah.

DeMarre Carroll – Pretty empty 10/2/0/0/1 line with 2 treys.  DeRozan’s USG suck is killing him.  I would likely keep holding in 12ers, but in 10ers, yeah you can Run from DMC.

T.J. Warren – Gave him a lot of love on the Pod this morning, and with Devin Booker out (toe), didn’t carry over the success from his past two games, going only 15/4/1/1/0.  But only 1 TO and “only” 29 minutes in a blowout (he’s been playing a ton), I think I’m still going to float some buy lows, as crazy as that sounds for a waiver add.  I wish I had seen this coming in preseason…

Brandon Knight – With no Booker, moves into the starting line-up at the 2, and was horrific.  18/0/0/0/0.  That’s hard to do in 30 minutes!  Hit a couple of treys and 4-4 FT, but it almost seems like he needs to go BACK to the bench!

Tyson Chandler – Fouls out in 18 minutes.  Hey Mr. DJ, stop beating me up down low!

P.J. Tucker – After being SUPER uninvolved the first 3 Suns games, gets a surprising 27 minutes last night.  7/6/0/2/0 is pretty meh, and you have to imagine Warren was filling in some SF minutes, so PJ got the extra burn as a stretch 4.  Not much to see here.

Clippers – I’m not trying to be lazy as this is the last team on the docket, there’s just literally nothing interesting to talk about.  19 points for DeAndre Jordan is pretty nice, he did DJ things…  Chris Paul did CP3 things…  You like the 12-14 FT for Blake Griffin considering he took only 7 shots…  But man, these guys are all locked into their values, and it seems like it has stayed that way for several years now.  Except, ya know, when Blake goes around punching people…

 

I hope everyone got off to a strong start for Week 2, and I’ll catch you on Thursday morning, Razzball Nation!