This one’s for the douchebags, as Kanye might say after playing the theme to ‘Eyes Wide Shut’ for a seemingly endless amount of time. Sometimes fantasy basketball can’t be all pigtails and pillowfights. Sometimes to win your league you gotta get a little dirty. And yeah, inviting yourself over to your leaguemate’s house, asking if you can use his computer to check e-mail and then offer yourself a lopsided trade with his team because you know he never logs out of his fantasy homepage is the classic dirty fantasy tactic, but it’s also cheating. The only thing worse than cheating at fake sports is lip-syncing bad songs. Seriously Milli-Vanilli, your songs were as bad as your porkpie hats. You couldn’t have found Prince’s collaborators and slipped them a few bucks to fake you a few timeless classics? At least when Britney Spears lip-syncs poorly, she’s doing it to songs so catchy I have to slam a medium sized rock into my head to forget. No, let’s stay within the bounds of fairness.
Sometimes owners have two or three free agent pickups that they just can’t decide on. Toney Douglas or Eric Bledsoe? Reggie Evans or Hakim Warrick? Kyle Lowry or Jonny Flynn? In competitive leagues, where the waiver wire is constantly being tapped, sometimes all you need is a few extra days to solidify your decision. I mean, we’re into the meat of the season now and you can’t afford to waste your time on Nazr Mohammad for five games if Saturday’s performance was a fluke, right? Too many Urkels on your team, that’s why your wins-low. Amiright Yeezy? Unfortunately, in competitive leagues, a few extra days is exactly what you won’t get. This is where the Waiver Block Maneuver comes in handy. Can’t decide between Amir Johnson and Brandan Wright? Pick up Wright, then immediately drop him in favor of Johnson. In many leagues, rostering a player from a free agent pool, then dropping him back into it automatically triggers a 2-3 day waiver wire period where other teams would have to burn their waiver priority to grab that player if they want him. You’d be surprised how many owners will skip a player who will cost them their high waiver priority. You never know if tomorrow, or the next day, or the next day, a really great no-brainer of a waiver pick-up might be available. And if it’s not a case of wanting to maintain a high waiver priority, it’s a case of instant gratification. Owners don’t want to wait three days to pick up a player, they want him now. Tonight. Before he plays tomorrow against the Knicks, for Christsake!
Essentially, this is the same rule I apply to calling a girl back for a second date. By forcing them to wait three days, they forget all about how they felt earlier in the week and either agree to date me again or decide that Wright isn’t worth it (depending on which side of the analogy you decided to focus). Again, the Waiver Block Manuever is kind of a dick move. But if it buys you a few days (and if you’re really meticulous, you can keep this going for weeks) to decide which waiver pick-ups are worth it, then do it. And then have a toast for the scumbags, everyone of ’em that I know.